lorangie1 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Hi, I'm new to this forum. I usually never have problems dating, but I've been burned a few times in the past so now I'm very wary of men and super cynical. If I feel the slightest bit of hesitation or weirdness, I back off, which may prevent me from actually having a real relationship. Anyway, I met a guy about 4 months ago, but I had a boyfriend at the time (it was a failing relationship). We exchanged numbers and he told me to contact him if I ever broke up with my boyfriend. Fastforward 4 months, I am now single and I just texted the guy asking him if he was free this weekend to hang out. He writes back a FULL DAY later and simply put "I am busy this weekend. Call me and we'll figure something out." I promptly deleted his number. By him asking ME to call HIM, that sends me warning signs. It may just be that too much time has passed, but a guy wouldn't ask a girl to call if he was interested right? Wouldn't he just call? Am I wrong? Should I have just kept his number?
boogieboy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 He wouldnt respond to you if he wasnt interested.
zhsoj Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 If you want me to feel sorry for you, I don't. Get over yourself.
Agoraphobianebula Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 to be fair, you can't really expect a guy to say "how high" the moment you ask him to jump. It's been 4 months, people have lives and they move on with life. And you sent him a text to ask if he wants to hang out this weekend. No hi, hello, how's it going, remember me? Put yourself in his shoes.
Author lorangie1 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 He remembers me, we emailed a few times inbetween. But you're right, it has been a long time. Oh well, i deleted his number so that's it i guess! And zhsoj, from where in my post did you get that I needed someone to feel sorry for me? Are you going through some hard times? If you need someone to feel sorry for YOU, I am here. And thanks for that last quip, "Get over yourself." I think you completely misread my post, but thanks for making me feel bad and being negative! You really made my day!
stapelfahrer drew Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I think you are seeing warning signs where there are none. What warning signs do you see?
harmfulsweetz Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Hm, you may have misread him. It could be that he was busy, and wanted you to reschedule, maybe he likes girls chasing after him, Idk. Is there no way you can get his number back? Mutual friend? Or email address? Look him up on FB? If you add him, you can request his number back, just say something like 'my phone has crashed and deleted my numbers, would you be able to send me yours?" etc. A little fib hurt nobody. I think he was interested, men don't respond if they aren't remotely interested. You just need to stop looking for signs where there are none, and go with the flow. I'm all for protecting ourselves from unnecessary hurt, but often, this translates to closing down and misreading signals, and warning signs which really aren't there.
Author lorangie1 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Well, I guess my warning sign was him asking for me to call him and also that he waited a day to respond. Sure, lots of things could've happened, and maybe I should've given him the benefit of the doubt. However, I have lots of guy friends, and if they like a girl, they won't ask her to call them. They will go for it, they will make an effort. This guy is NOT shy. The very few interactions we've had have always been on my move. His only move was asking for my number. Like I said in my original post, I may have jumped to conclusions but in the past, every guy that has screwed with me has started off in this manner, by being unavailable, and I guess I just don't want to even try anymore. I become this pathetic love sick puppy, and I have strong feelings for this guy. I don't fall easily but something clicked with this one, and I don't want to get my heart stomped on again. I have always been one to go after the one I want and maybe that's why I get hurt so often. I do get asked out a lot, but it's never the ones I'm interested in. The more I think about it, the more I wish I hadn't deleted his number so hastily, but it's a lesson learned. If he wants to get in touch with me, he will, if not, then I'll move on.
Author lorangie1 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Harmfulsweetz, I didn't see your message, thanks for your great reply!! Yes, he is on FB, we're not friends but we both are aware of each other's profiles. I do want his number back, that's why I wrote this post, because I had misgivings about how I reacted, but I'm embarrassed now. I do need to stop closing myself off and reading too deep into things. I used to not be like this...
stapelfahrer drew Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 There is a lot of pressure on guys to make sure they don't come off as creepy, a doormat or over-eager. As agoraphobianebula mentioned about "how high", if he responded like that, are you sure you wouldn't have seen that as over-eager and a sign in itself? Maybe yes, maybe no...but many women would and would then consider the guy too easy.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Harmfulsweetz, I didn't see your message, thanks for your great reply!! Yes, he is on FB, we're not friends but we both are aware of each other's profiles. I do want his number back, that's why I wrote this post, because I had misgivings about how I reacted, but I'm embarrassed now. I do need to stop closing myself off and reading too deep into things. I used to not be like this... I'm the same way, I close off too, it's easier than getting hurt. Don't be embarrassed, he doesn't know you deleted his number and has no need to know. Just add him as a friend and send him a quick message, tell a white lie and go from there. Trust your gut with men, it's nearly always right. If you get bad feeling from every man, it may be a sign you aren't ready to date? But if it's particularly with this one guy, and he gives you warning signs left right and centre, ditch. However, be careful not to push people away because of the past, I've done that so many times. I've tarred men with the same brush if you like, and sometimes, it's hard to see anything other than warning bells when you do this. I used to see my ex in every guy I came close to, even though, looking back, they were nothing alike. It's because I wasn't healed enough to date, I wasn't cut off from him enough, I needed to work on me, before I could separate the two. Good luck Keep us posted. Ignore the poster who said get over yourself, you'll get those people who like to be as useful as a chocolate fireguard...but you'll normally get some great advice around here
Author lorangie1 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 stapelfahrer drew - I don't like "eager" guys but I do like grand gestures! There's a difference between eager and genuine and I think everyone gets confused with that. A lot of people think if they show genuine interest in the one they like, that is being too available or "eager" but that's BS! Frankly, I like when guys are available hahaha. Makes my life easier! I don't like playing hard to get and don't want guys to do it either. harmfulsweetz - I am just like you! I do push men away because of the past, but usually with a guy I REALLY like I won't, but I guess that's how I get hurt again! I think I pick the wrong guys, but this guy was so amazing and our connection felt different. and you're right, I may not be ready to date, it has only been a few weeks so no need to rush things. Thank you!!!!!!
kizik Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 There is a lot of pressure on guys to make sure they don't come off as creepy, a doormat or over-eager. Well-said. ..............................................
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Wow. Yeah. It was 4 months since he asked you out, essentially. I would have cut this guy a little slack. You don't know exactly what's going on with him right now. Contact your cell phone company and see if you can get the phone numbers of recent text messages.
TheLoneSock Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Hi, I'm new to this forum. I usually never have problems dating, but I've been burned a few times in the past so now I'm very wary of men and super cynical. If I feel the slightest bit of hesitation or weirdness, I back off, which may prevent me from actually having a real relationship. Anyway, I met a guy about 4 months ago, but I had a boyfriend at the time (it was a failing relationship). We exchanged numbers and he told me to contact him if I ever broke up with my boyfriend. Fastforward 4 months, I am now single and I just texted the guy asking him if he was free this weekend to hang out. He writes back a FULL DAY later and simply put "I am busy this weekend. Call me and we'll figure something out." I promptly deleted his number. By him asking ME to call HIM, that sends me warning signs. It may just be that too much time has passed, but a guy wouldn't ask a girl to call if he was interested right? Wouldn't he just call? Am I wrong? Should I have just kept his number? Lol, if you really think you're too good to call a guy, you deserve to be alone.
Author lorangie1 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Lol, if you really think you're too good to call a guy, you deserve to be alone. We've already established that.
TheLoneSock Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 We've already established that. You aren't ready to date anyway, miss. Serial dating clouds a person's character. You called this guy within days of breaking up with the ex.
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