Artist Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 My ex and I dated for about 6 months and I feel deeply in love. She cheated on me and left me for another guy. She broke up Nov 2nd. Then contacted me a week later telling me how much she missed me. I said goodbye. then two weeks later wrote another email..fairly long..that was a week ago. I told her to never contact me again. I have been weeping, obessing over her, why, why why? I feel empty and am self employed so it is very hard to get any work done. It has been 6 weeks since she broke up and about a week since our last contact. Does this sound like normal grief? Any ideas how long it will take if I stay no contact? Do you ever get to the point where you are actually glad it did not work out?
JL911 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 You will see how many people on here were in 2, 3, 4, and 5+ year relationships only to have a similar outcome...You will get some response in regaurds to this post... I dated my ex for almost 4 years and it ended...I was crushed...I had the ring picked out and was actually going to propose this Chirstmas (odd how I havent even thought about that till right now...Wow) I think you are feeling quite betrayed by this person thus the hurt you are feeling...YES it is quite normal to feel that crushed when you invest in someone and have them put a knife in your back as you have stated above. Man I probaly cried off and on for 2 months over that girl... Just remember you are a good person and someone who is going to cheat on you isnt worth the $hit stuck on your shoe let alone your undying love.
Author Artist Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 JL how long ago was your break up? Are you over her and glad it did not work out or do you still pine for her?
HeavenOrHell Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Yes it's normal. My partner left me after 18 years, 5 months on it's still hard but has got easier as time goes on, for the first few weeks I cried a lot and thought I would never stop, but it does ease and the grief lessens, my down phases don't last as long as they did. I finally feel hopeful that I can be happy again without him, I am looking forward to the future more now. You'll get there, it is highly unlikely it will take you as long as me, 18 years is a LONG time to be with someone!
JL911 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 Artist I am over it...and in a better relationship...Honestly i think you will grow to appreciate that your ex did cheat on you (i know how bad that sounds), cause man that allows you to hate her.....I wish my ex would have given me that...But in time I saw her for what she was and once her true colors showed through I didnt see how it lasted that long... You'll be ok...give it time...find your peace...love yourself...
tVII Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 ya its normal. being betrayed by someone you invest trust is definitely the WORST. saps the soul. women change men, men change women. remember this. use this change and make yourself better. concentrate on urself. of course memories will come and haunt but thats natural and so are the dreams. it sux, theres no magic remedy, THINK POSITIVE, no matter what, fill ur head with positive thoughts, stay strong, never give up. I always say to myself: "you can beat me, but you can never beat ME." meaning you can beat me in a fight, getting a bf first, make me look stupid, but what i think and hold for myself, you can't beat!"
tryagaintoday Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 My ex and I dated for about 6 months and I feel deeply in love. She cheated on me and left me for another guy. She broke up Nov 2nd. Then contacted me a week later telling me how much she missed me. I said goodbye. then two weeks later wrote another email..fairly long..that was a week ago. I told her to never contact me again. I have been weeping, obessing over her, why, why why? I feel empty and am self employed so it is very hard to get any work done. It has been 6 weeks since she broke up and about a week since our last contact. Does this sound like normal grief? Any ideas how long it will take if I stay no contact? Do you ever get to the point where you are actually glad it did not work out? Hi Artist, So sorry to hear that. But I think you'll be fine. I was in a similiar situation but a 13 years relationship. Yes it is very normal to grief and your grief is normal. This grief is good for you because you need to grief the loss. Once you admit the loss, then you can move on. For me, I will establish NC for the rest of my life. I'm not too sure exactly how long it took me to get over it (I need to look at my threads to count) but I think it's a month or so. Finally, yes I am extremely glad that it did not work out. All the best to you. Go read caliguy's NC guide if you have not done so yet. Regards, tryagaintoday
Author Artist Posted December 19, 2009 Author Posted December 19, 2009 Thanks everyone. When this crap happens it is like you move into a world and what that world offers is all you can see. "I will always long for her. No one will be able to compare to her." When you are here it just feels like it will never change. So the most hopeful thing for me is to hear you say "yes I am over her. I don't want her. Glad I did not end up with her. Found someone I like better." It gives me hope that if I just give it enough time this world I am in will eventually lose it's power over me.
blackbear_703 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Thanks everyone. When this crap happens it is like you move into a world and what that world offers is all you can see. "I will always long for her. No one will be able to compare to her." When you are here it just feels like it will never change. So the most hopeful thing for me is to hear you say "yes I am over her. I don't want her. Glad I did not end up with her. Found someone I like better." It gives me hope that if I just give it enough time this world I am in will eventually lose it's power over me. Keep in mind there's someone out there for everyone and whoever that lucky lady is for you Artist, she'll love you to death and be so much better for you than your ex ever was. Just remember that whenver you start thinking about your ex. You'll soon find your ex is someone you'll be glad is out of your life. Of course, focus on healing yourself and making yourself a stronger person and you'll be ok before you know it.
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