that's_me Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Is it too much to expect my bf to plan dates, text me and think about me throughout the day? Does he even care about me? Why are we together? Here's our story... My bf and I met in May, we became bf and gf shortly after. The first month was incredible!!! I was happy, never in my life been happier. He called me all the time, texted me, wanted to see me. In short he was very sweet and very attentive. Then, he stopped doing all those things. Our phone conversations started getting shorter. I felt like I was losing him and became a bit too clingy. We broke up two months later. I was devastated!!! He was everything I wanted. Although I tried, I couldn't move on. We decided to remain friends. Every couple of weeks one of us would send the other a how-are-you text. The first few months were awful!!! In October we started talking again and we haven't stopped since. I see him often, but always at his house. We literally watch movies every time we see each other. I know we are both a little broke, so I'm somewhat ok with that. The problem is that once again our conversations are getting shorter and shorter. Yesterday I decided not to text him all day to let him do it. He didn't. He didn't even call me when he got off of work ( which he usually does). I assumed he was working late so I left alone. I waited until 9 when he usually calls me, but he didn't. At 9:37 I called him. He was VERY quiet. He had no reason why he hadn't called me. I sensed he didn't want to talk so I stayed quiet too. WE talked for 13 minutes and he said he was going to sleep, we hung up. After our very short conversation I texted him " Do we really have nothing to talk about? Do you really not want to talk to me? Bc I deserve somebody who does, who plans things. I really wanted to talk to you tonight..." He didn't reply last night, and he hasn't replied today. I need some advice...
Author that's_me Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Really? Let him go? Give up on him?
boogieboy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 He broke it off with you because you turened him off. He knows he wouldnt want to get back into a relationship with you, so he probably has lost interest in talking to you now. So really, you have to leave him alone, hes not interested in talking to you anymore, and he's made it apparent. I dont understand why he didnt tell you that, but hes not returning texts, its pretty clear. Youre a woman, I thought you'd get the hint of being ignored! ANyway, its not your fault you got clingy, he set up that precident, so youre not crazy or wrong in that regard. He called you all the time, set up all the dates, and texted you all day long, then when he stopped, you wondered what happened. That really was his fault. I dont know if he stopped because he lost interest or if he just did it to hook you in, could be either. Life Lesson - dont get used to a guy giving you all that attention, it will slow down eventually, and you cant get mad when it does. Best way to handle it is not to allow all that attention if you cant handle when it dissappears. Know what I mean?
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 be unavailable for awhile....it will drive him NUTS...promise you that
Author that's_me Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 I don't want to lose him!!! Why did he start talking to me again?
D-Jam Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I think the problem is that maybe you find him attractive and he came off in a good way INITIALLY...he's not a good boyfriend. He apparently is the type of guy who will come on strong and "good" initially to get the girl, but once he has her he'll stop "working it" and get into the comfy mode. NOW...one cannot expect the "honeymoon" to last forever, but if he's seriously slacking in being a boyfriend then you have a right to talk to him about it. My suggestion is that if you're deeply into this guy and really believe he's the one, then sit down and have it out. Have out all the problems you're having and ask him point blank if he thinks you're asking for too much or not. If he's going to dismiss ALL your desires as "woman nagging" or "spoiled princess", then it's the answer you want. It says he might be MOST of what you want, but he's not everything you want. Unfortunately, his actions also show that he's bored with you and is moving on. He'll meet a new girl, get all high-powered in trying to win her, then slack off right after like he did with you. My personal advice: Move on. Look for better. Find the guy who's ideal for you. You came close here, but he's not the one. DO NOT carry a torch for this guy and try to find a copy of him...just think about the few things that you want to most in a guy and seek out one of those.
simplythebest Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I think the real question here is: why are you still with him?
Author that's_me Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 I saw him again last night. As usual, I went to his house and we watched tv. I asked a couple of questions and he responded with stupid answers. I thought it was obvious he didn't want to say anything to me. We continued watching tv, when the movie was over he asked me a question which I ignored. He turned off the TV and we sat there in silence for about 5 minutes. I couldn't satnd it any longer and I got up to go to the restroom just to think things through for a little bit. I came out and asked him what was wrong, why was he so quiet... He wouldn't respond. He said I was acting weird. He got mad and said it was time for me to leave. I told him that I wasn't leaving until he told me what was on his mind, whatever it was. We boh ended up getting mad. I finally got up and told him that I didn't even know what I was doing there. I said that maybe the problem was that talking wasn't what he was interested in doing with me and that what I got from him I could get anywhere else. I picked up my things and left without saying anything else. I know he's going to call me today and pretend that nothing happened, what should do?
Yukikazi Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I know he's going to call me today and pretend that nothing happened, what should do? As I said before.. NEXT!!! Don't respond.. ignore him.. find someone better.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 As I said before.. NEXT!!! Don't respond.. ignore him.. find someone better. Seriously! Don't let yourself get stuck in a rut with this guy any more than you already are. I know its hard putting someone out of your life, or accepting that a relationship you were in has failed, despite you having tried very hard to make things work, but this one has gotta die. He isn't treating you the way someone that wants to date you would. You can keep doing thing, but quite honestly, a day will come with he will find a girl he really wants to try for, and you'll end up left behind. Do you want to see that happen? No! So walk out while ya still can! One last thing I'll say is it is seldom if ever (NEVER in my experience) useful to demand a guy to "tell you what hes thinking". It doesn't work. I'm a girl, so I cannot speak from a guy's perspective, but ughhhhh if someone asked me that all the time when things were clearly not going well, I'd have two choices: Snap and yell at the girl. Or shut up and not say anything - which is what he chose to do (and is maybe the better choice). Bottom line: If hes not saying anything you've got one of two things on your hands - a) what he has to say won't make you happy so he'd rather avoid saying it b) he doesn't have anything to say.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 As I said before.. NEXT!!! Don't respond.. ignore him.. find someone better. this seems like solid advice...
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