Slept with a younger guy...

[snowflake29]

Hi!

 

Have got a bit of a dilemma and would be grateful for any advice...

 

Recently, while on business in another country, I went to a (work) colleague's acquaintance's weekend house party (does that make sense?) because we were bored and wanted to let off steam.

 

Anyway, it was really fun and I had a blast flirting (which I haven't done properly in ages!). Towards the later hours of the evening, there was this one hot guy who kept catching my eye. In the end, he basically came over and started chatting. We found out that, in the past, we had been living in the same country for a number of years at the same time - so it was fun reminscing a bit.

 

I noticed that he did seem like a bit of a flirt, so I wasn't taking it too seriously until he started to lay on the charm. In any case, he started kissing me, I kissed back, one thing led to the other and we ended up back at my hotel (I should probably mention that he is 23 and I'm 29). He was cute during sex, calling my name a few times, and he definitely had a lot of energy, which was great.

 

So, probably because of the alcohol, I barely slept. Got up at 8, took a shower, and started up my laptop...(I'm sure he thought this was weird as he mumbled something about me being a girl who never sleeps). At that moment, I was sort of wishing he'd leave - which he thankfully did. He gave me his business card a second time (although I told him I already had one), gave me a goodbye kiss, and said that the next time I was in town, I should get in touch with him. I said I would.

 

OK, so I dropped him a mail 2 days later to give him my email address, telling him it was nice meeting him, and if he was up for a drink that same evening, he should let me know. He replied back pretty quickly saying that it was also very nice meeting me, but he can't meet up bcs he needs to take his boss out, but to let him know next time I'm back in town and to wish me a safe trip back home. Whatever.

 

Now I'm having a difficult time forgetting him - as much as I'd like to! If I would've known that I would get hooked on this guy, I probably never would've even gone to that party. At the time, I really wanted to sleep with him - knowing that I probably would never see him again anyway.

 

Now I don't understand what is wrong with me. I have seen his profile on facebook but am too chicken to add him (stupid, I know) - and he hasn't added me either. I know I sound like a lovesick teenager when I say this but I wonder if he ever thinks about me...ugh, I really need some help

[thatguy85]

Well he likes you enough to make himself available to you (Two business cards), and replied to your e-mail pretty quickly... so I'd say those aren't bad signs at all... They aren't necessarily signs that he's into you, but my guess is that he is truly is interested in seeing you again if you are in town. whether or not he really couldn't meet for you the next day doesn't really matter... Maybe he did have other plans, or maybe he just thought it was too soon to see you again? Who knows...

 

I am a guy who is just about the same age as the guy in your story, and I have recently hooked up with a woman about the same age as you. It was awesome and I'd definitely do it again... It was exciting and I'm guessing it was exciting for him too.

 

As far as the facebook thing goes, I'd recommend making a joke with him about added him as a friend via text message or email before you do it. I find it makes things "less weird". Just say something to him by text like "Hey, if I stalk you on facebook and added you as a friend, would you accept me?" (or you can also say deny if you are more cynical).

 

I hope he is into you, but don't get your hopes set too high. You had a one night stand. It would be best to try not to get too attached. Was it your first piece of action in a while?

[snowflake29]

Thanks for the advice, thatguy85.

 

Yeah, it was - how'd you guess ONS aren't something I do on a regular basis and he was my first ever younger guy.

 

But you're absolutely right about not getting attached - I really don't want to (and definitely wasn't planning on it!), but am still sort of half obsessing over him, especially since the trip was quite recent.

 

I'm just hoping it'll sort of wear off with time - it's pretty embarrassing and I haven't told any of my friends yet. Regarding the fb thing, I could add him casually but I'm actually curious to see if he'd think of adding me. He's got about 600 friends on it already.

[thatguy85]

Haha.. I could tell because usually when people "get some" for the first time in a while, they get semi-attached (even though they don't want to, know it's not good to, and try to talk themselves out of it). They also seem to second guess all of the events leading, during and after the sex, trying to figure out if they did the right thing or not.. and usually over-analyze the situation. It's normal and completely understandable... sex is an exciting thing, and is even more exciting when it's new and fresh. I think of it like flying on an airplane. If you hop on a plane for the first time in years and you are going on vacation.. you are excited, nervous, listen to every little sound the plane makes, get paranoid at every turbulent bump, etc. It's hard to sleep on a plane at first if it's your first time in a while because your just too excited. Then you look over at the guy in a suit whos on his 3rd business trip in the past month, racking up those frequent flyer miles... and he is looking like he is bored on the plane and that it's so regular that it isn't a big deal. Okay... long analogy finished.

 

But yeah... you can wait on him to add you on facebook. Don't wait too long though if you are into him though. I say give it a week or two and if he doesn't add you, then shoot him a message like "Geez I thought you would have added me on facebook by now" (I know Geez is a lame word but it fits). I don't know... I'm corny like that.

 

The semi-obsession you have with him now should fade with time.. Especially if you both don't keep in touch. I'd say that in less than a month with no real contact, he will be an afterthought. I recently went on a date with a girl I was really into. I might have told her a few too many embarrassing stories or guilty pleasures, and made a fool out of myself. She was nice about it all night... but I knew that I had no chance of a second date. I tried for one anyway, and she gave me reasons why she couldn't. I beat myself up for it for a week or so because I blew it... but after that it faded. I still think about her on occasion but I'm completely over it.

 

I'd say let him try to make a move, if it doesnt happen... you make one. If it doesn't respond well, hold off for a while. He might come if he sees that you have pulled back, or he might not. If he doesn't no big deal, if he does.. then have some more "cute" sex with him!

Edited December 17, 2009 by thatguy85

[snowflake29]

That's a great analogy - I never thought of it that way. Yeah, it def felt a bit like that - just came out of a really stale relationship, which definitely did not include much "frequent flying" in the end...which in turn probably explains why I'm acting the way I am right now. Ugh.

 

But after reading your post, I think I'm just going to try the "way it out" thing. I'll skip the whole fb-add issue - I mean, it's pretty pointless since I have no clue when I'll be going back to said country, etc. - I think it would have just been a nice ego stroke if he showed some initiative there but then again, what do I know about 23 year olds?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

At the time, I really wanted to sleep with him - knowing that I probably would never see him again anyway.

 

Now I don't understand what is wrong with me. I have seen his profile on facebook but am too chicken to add him (stupid, I know) - and he hasn't added me either. I know I sound like a lovesick teenager when I say this but I wonder if he ever thinks about me...ugh, I really need some help

 

 

 

Don't confuse this with the words of the moral minority when I say:

 

 

I want you to have more respect for yourself. In your case I want you to place more value on what you wanted, and the choices you made "at the time".

 

I love that you entered into the intimacy of your own free will, and that so much of what you say assures that you had a very good time.

 

You are very natural in wanting to catch up with him online, and it is certainly fair that a woman should boldly add someone on Facebook after sharing such an evening.

 

I think you should be stronger, bolder, and more respectful of yourself. The best defense for your feelings is a great offense.

[TheLoneSock]

Hi!

 

Have got a bit of a dilemma and would be grateful for any advice...

 

Recently, while on business in another country, I went to a (work) colleague's acquaintance's weekend house party (does that make sense?) because we were bored and wanted to let off steam.

 

Anyway, it was really fun and I had a blast flirting (which I haven't done properly in ages!). Towards the later hours of the evening, there was this one hot guy who kept catching my eye. In the end, he basically came over and started chatting. We found out that, in the past, we had been living in the same country for a number of years at the same time - so it was fun reminscing a bit.

 

I noticed that he did seem like a bit of a flirt, so I wasn't taking it too seriously until he started to lay on the charm. In any case, he started kissing me, I kissed back, one thing led to the other and we ended up back at my hotel (I should probably mention that he is 23 and I'm 29). He was cute during sex, calling my name a few times, and he definitely had a lot of energy, which was great.

 

So, probably because of the alcohol, I barely slept. Got up at 8, took a shower, and started up my laptop...(I'm sure he thought this was weird as he mumbled something about me being a girl who never sleeps). At that moment, I was sort of wishing he'd leave - which he thankfully did. He gave me his business card a second time (although I told him I already had one), gave me a goodbye kiss, and said that the next time I was in town, I should get in touch with him. I said I would.

 

OK, so I dropped him a mail 2 days later to give him my email address, telling him it was nice meeting him, and if he was up for a drink that same evening, he should let me know. He replied back pretty quickly saying that it was also very nice meeting me, but he can't meet up bcs he needs to take his boss out, but to let him know next time I'm back in town and to wish me a safe trip back home. Whatever.

 

Now I'm having a difficult time forgetting him - as much as I'd like to! If I would've known that I would get hooked on this guy, I probably never would've even gone to that party. At the time, I really wanted to sleep with him - knowing that I probably would never see him again anyway.

 

Now I don't understand what is wrong with me. I have seen his profile on facebook but am too chicken to add him (stupid, I know) - and he hasn't added me either. I know I sound like a lovesick teenager when I say this but I wonder if he ever thinks about me...ugh, I really need some help

 

I don't really see the big deal. You're both adults.

 

If it's the forgetting about him part that is sticking to you, chalk it up to a great experience and move forward. If you like him that much, get in contact with him.