Why do dumpers have the nerve to...

[Wicker_Parked]

Why can dumpers call us whenever they want, and being a dumb, dumpee like myself we accept these breadcrumbs, fire back some hope then get nothing in return...She did this time and time again during our breakup, she would call, find out all she wanted about my life, and when i called her a couple of days after she would respond by saying 'i dont want you to call me or know anything about me'.

Yes it is my fault for picking up that phone, yes it is again my fault for letting anything come out of my mouth except 'Leave me alone, i need to move on, i dont you to give me false hope and give me a chance'

But there seems to be something so intoxicating and curiosity getting the better when you see and Ex that ripped you to shreds - called ID show up on your mobile late at night.

I hope some of you Loveshackers have similar experiences, being a dumpee and having your great healing and no contact run spoiled by a dumper that only allows the communication one way not the other.

 

Well i was going to say i was on track, my Ex called me the other night, i dont know if running accidentally into my Ex (she came into my workplace) was breaking no contact as i said hi, but she certainly broke 1 month of no contact when she called me 3 days later, partly my fault because i answered her call...

We talked like old friends, we talked about our 'run in' and managed to laugh about it, there was a bit of awkwardness but at least 88% of the conversation was upbeat. She said she had thought about calling me earlier, says we should hang in the future, even says she wants to call me for Xmas, conversation ends fairly well.

 

Well after she called me my after 1 month no contact i thought 'that must be a sign' my intention was to keep this line of communication open and be friendly, and so in a moment of weakness i texted her, not straight away..nooo that would make me look weak...no no... but at least 3 days after she called me!

I texted her saying 'how good it was to hear her, and we can definitely hang after xmas'...

Silly me! in a moment of weakness i honestly thought that by texting her my intentions were to state that 'yes' i did appreciate her calling me and i want to be on a good level, but guess what everyone! She did not, and probably will not reply but yet she has the nerve to call me..And now i feel like a d**b-ass

 

...I feel stupid, back to square one or day one of no contact, back to looking at my mobile phone...It sucks and now at least i know what to do, go back into hiding in the gym, get ripped and look forward to music festivals and push her deep into the back of my mind where i have manipulated myself to thinking she is right now with some other rebound so i can move on!!!

sorry Loveshackers for my venting on here

Edited December 17, 2009 by Wicker_Parked

[WiseOne1]

I see what you mean, my last EX GF would call me regardless of me telling her I don't want to talk anymore. She would text and call over and over until I finally picked up, and then she would talk maybe 2 minutes and get off the phone...I would then call her back later and she would act is if she didn't know who I was.

 

This went on with my for 1 Year until we broke up, she would call when her new BF was not treating her well and complain about him. She would call when she was lonely because most likely he was out f-u-c-k-i-n-g some other girl and he went sometimes without calling her for days.

 

I continued hoping every time that she was calling or texting that she wanted to get back together, however it was always the same story, she finds out what she wants to know and then disappears. So for the last 2 months I stopped falling for it, and she’s texted me 4 times, called 3 times, and I never respond, i’m through with her.

[Wicker_Parked]

thanks wise one,

i got a txt today, it just said 'how was work'

and just as you are through so i am i....

3 words is all she can muster up, and more to find out about my life, when i never ask about her life?

[WSeeker]

Im sorry my english is not that good, but ill try.

 

Listen Wicker_Parked, who calls who is not important at all. Its the mindset. It is possible to talk to your ex and sound very calm. It all depends on you. When you want something of your ex they feel it and thus are using it. You must turn the tables, but acting cool and being cool are not the same things. You have to stop wanting them at romantic level and stick to it. You must have the mindset of moving on. If not then do not talk to them.

 

Most people think that if they say something negative to their ex it will drive them away. Thats not the truth. First of all they left not you so its only natural that THEY have to come back. Listen to my story.

 

Me and my ex were walking and talking and at one point(i was dumped by her) i said ,,Those who leave you don't deserve you''. She looked at me and was not pleased to hear it. Then i said ,,Ill explain it to you how it works, has anyone ever left you before in your life''? She said ,,My parents left me''(She was kicked out of their house) and then i replied very calmly ,,You see they don't deserve you, how can someone abandon their own child''. After that she didnt say anything more about the subject cause she couldnt argue that. I felt somewhat relieved after that conversation. I thought:,,Now shes never gonna call me again'', but i was wrong. She called me 2 weeks later and wanted to see me.

 

Its all about the mindset. Their life and words must not affect who you are and what you say. You have to be cool and collected individual when talking to them, and if you cant be that stick to NC, it will save you energy and nerves.

[selena_cat]

Wicker,(love the movie)

 

Amazingly I just posted something about why exes do that,and that is throw breadcrumbs and then retreat back to their superiority camp its seems where no dumpees are are allowed to tread near.

Your ex sounds more like she is playing games,she know you still care,you'll respond to her contact which is making you miserable yes?

For lets say a day or two if just don't respond,leave your cell at home,or let your friends have it,trustworthy friends that is,you dont want them playing tricks txting her in such.

I read in "Its break-up because its Broken" how this guy let his friends take him out,keep him away from his house all weekend so he wouldnt answer his phone or call his ex,you need to keep your distance,or she will keep stringing you along brother man

Edited December 18, 2009 by selena_cat

[GrayClouds]

Why can dumpers call us whenever they want?

 

Now for the real answer... becouse so many dumpees will answer!

[sexiiladii68]

So funny (but not really..it's so sad)..I was the dumper but I am now in the role of dumpee..this is exactly what my ex does to me. Soon after I broke up with him, I realized that it was a mistake. I didn't try to act cool, I told him exactly how I felt and told him I still loved him. But then he didn't want me. He still calls every few weeks and will find out everything he wants to, then not call again for another few weeks. It's so hard to not answer, I have never done it yet even though every conversation ends up with me crying begging him to come back to me. I know I need to just find the willpower not to answer but I can't yet..

[LBM]

I don't know, maybe they figure it's up to the dumpee to deal with it, that because they have moved on (long because the break up I might add), they no longer have any mixed feelings about calling the dumpee?

 

It's a very good question, can apply in many situations, friendship as well as romance.

[nekoxchaos]

Hmm yes I feel its kinda selfish

 

me and my ex would communicate, most of the times his the one that

would make refrences or hints on the good stuff in our relationship but

I would get confused and ask him if theres any way we can work

things out or talk it out but he turns into a wall and tell me to move on.

 

I felt like it was easier for him to move on since he broke up with me

and was in europe so at least he didnt have to be surrounded by things

that would remind him of me. He was in a new city meeting new people

etc etc.

 

He would initiate contact first and would ask me what was on my mind

but when I open up he shuts me down just as quickly and I become a

huge mess.

 

One day i finally said I had to work things out on my own and I might

not be talking to him but he was saying how he'll miss me and really

needed to see me when he gets back.

 

We met for a bit , he kept touching me and acting "flirty" hugged me

and even said I still smelled good and held my hand. I was really cautious

and didn't bring anything up and neither did he about being sorry etc....

but he had to leave to have dinner with a mutual friend of ours...

so really I felt like it was a half asses attempt to see me just so he

can kill time ;(

 

So now I dont know whats going on since I haven't talked to him since

and im not going to give him a call even though im really tempted.

 

So yes why do ex's throw us bread crumbs?

do they realize how painful it is?

are they just trying to be nice and "lessen the blow"

is he being selfish for wanting me around for good company

but as soon as things become serious just for a bit ...

he can bail out on me when he wishes since we are not "involved"

 

it makes me feel twice as worthless and I get pretty

depressed about it ;(

[Wicker_Parked]

So i replied to my last Exs text, i thought that instead of ingnoring i might be able to be friendly and so i get a response saying she just really wanted to say hi, at 2am and she wanted to talk to me when she gets back from her trip.

I get another text back 2 days later, to which i ingnore due to me not having heard the text being received, then i get a call. My ex asking me to come to the movies.

We go, it goes ok, there are strange and great moments during the date, we end back at my house, we share a bed, no sex but she says she is now comfortable with me again.

We wake up and i notice a vibe, as experienced before - my Ex has had mixed feelings and now not so chatty and no eye contact.

I think this reason is because we did not sleep together or kiss so that didnt create a bond. But i have tried so many times in the past to initiate and got burnt so i didnt even have the urge or energy anymore, all this is emotionally draining.

I still miss her

[Meltkamp]

i miss my ex to so greatly but you'll probably come to the point im at and just say you cant deal with the pain that they keep putting you through.

[pureinheart]

I think this reason is because we did not sleep together or kiss so that didnt create a bond. But i have tried so many times in the past to initiate and got burnt so i didnt even have the urge or energy anymore, all this is emotionally draining.

I still miss her

 

I really believe that you have already done all you can do. Personally, I don't think it has anything to do with "creating" a bond...either it is there or it is not....kissing, or anything else will not "make" that happen...

 

I used to think, "if I had done this, or hadn't done that"....nope no more...if someone is going to love me they will, and if they love me then they will want a real commitment and nothing will hold them back, and there will not be the drama, hurt or games...it will not be so hard...it will be real.

 

I just really sense God is dealing with a lot of hearts right now....no more, for thus says God, what is real shall be revealed... and it will come to pass in your day...so be patient and do not pine after what is not real! Yes and Amen!