xoxo88 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Imagine this situation: your girlfriend never has the initiative to text you or call you, when you ask her to go out she refuses for certain reasons, she doesn't contact you for days, she doesn't talk much when you meet. You set up a meeting to talk about it, you tell her how you feel neglected, she tells you she had some issues and it's not because she doesn't care but after that meeting she keeps doing the same things. Would you break up with her? And how?
boogieboy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 You accept that she emotionally checked out, and you break up with her by distancing yourself and not contacting her anymore. Hopefully she wont contact you, and she will keep talking to the new guy that she started talking to.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 You accept that she emotionally checked out, and you break up with her by distancing yourself and not contacting her anymore. Hopefully she wont contact you, and she will keep talking to the new guy that she started talking to. Excuse me how can you say so convinced that she's talking with some other guy? The fact the you suggest a lame break up like that only proves you shouldn't give advice to anybody. That's the typical lame loser, mean selfish coward type of break up or whatever you want to call it.
TaraMaiden Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I'm sorry, but he's right. She's completely emotionally un-committed, giving you nothing in return for your devotion, and trust me - (look round this forum for further evidence) there is nothing in her behaviour which would suggest that there IS NO other guy. It's possible she's playing you, or maybe she isn't. One thing's for sure. She is only a GF because you happen to call her that. Nothing in her words or actions confirms that, and so this idea that she's 'with you' is in your perception alone. She sounds completely detached and uninterested. I think it would do you good to step away from her and go about your own business of finding someone like-minded, because she is most definitely not reading the same book as you are, let alone be on the same page..... I agree with dropping the contact and letting her take the next step. I suspect it will be a long time coming.
an hero Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 It sounds like she wants to break up for whatever reasons.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 I can assure you she didn't have another guy, she wasn't uninterested, she did care but her actions were wrong, not her feelings. What would it take for you to forgive her and don't look at her anymore as that person who neglected you and didn't care about you?
TaraMaiden Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 well, you know what they say: "Actions speak louder than words". It's not what people say, that is the key. It's how they act, and what they do. if she has real, psychological issues, she needs professional help. It's not up to the BF to have to deal and cope with that, that's not his job, and neither should he be obliged to. If she is guilty of neglect, that's difficult to put aside, if she has no aplogy, nor does anything to remedy the situation. I'd still walk. State I'm there as a friend, if she wants, but as far as anything else goes, we're both free agents. And that if she has personal issues, then she should get help.
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 become distant to her. if she comes looking for you, you will get the attention you deserve. if she cant when you do, then there is no point in wasting your energy. boogieboy always thinks someone is cheating
GorillaTheater Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 xoxo, I'm wondering what you're hoping to hear here. You're the girlfriend in this equation, not the boyfriend, so the way you posed the question is a little misleading in that instead of getting advice for yourself, you wind up soliciting advice for your boyfriend. That MAY help you to a certain point, insofar as it hopefully makes you realize that are consequences for your actions. But I think what will really help you is if you come to realize that you blew this relationship, you learn from your mistakes, and try not to repeat them in future relationships. Turn this blown relationship into a positive thing: a learning experience.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 I know i blew it and there's no turning back. I guess what i need is forgiveness. I still feel bad about it and it still bothers me the idea that he thinks of me as that person.
GorillaTheater Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I know i blew it and there's no turning back. I guess what i need is forgiveness. I still feel bad about it and it still bothers me the idea that he thinks of me as that person. You have no control over what he thinks of you, just as none of us have any control over what other people think of us, so you have to let that go. All you can do is perhaps influence what other people think about you, mainly through your actions as other people have indicated, and making sure your words match those actions. If you have the opportunity, show him who you are, don't tell him. And whether you have that opportunity or not, learn what you can from the experience, be thankful for the chance to learn something, and move on with your life. If you do, you'll feel better as time passes, I promise.
GorillaTheater Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I guess what i need is forgiveness. I suspect you're right. But the forgiveness I think you really need is from yourself. We all screw up. I've screwed up horribly in my lifetime. Just chalk it off to being human.
TaraMaiden Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 xoxo, I'm wondering what you're hoping to hear here. You're the girlfriend in this equation, not the boyfriend, so the way you posed the question is a little misleading in that instead of getting advice for yourself, you wind up soliciting advice for your boyfriend. Damn my deftie, I should do more research. It didn't occur to me that this was the case. 'Fraid my advice is the same though. You can't blame the BF if what you were saying didn't match your actions. As GT states, only you can think for you, and only you can be answerable for your own thoughts, words and deeds.... And you have to accept the consequences of what you think/say/do.... But you also need to ease off beating yourself up, because it impedes your own progress, healing and walk of life.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 I know i f**ked up and there's not much i can do about it. I wish i could talk to him at least. Sometimes i want to just see how he's doing but i'm not sure about the way he would react. He would probably wonder why i wanna know how he's doing now considering that i "didn't care" when we were together. I wish there was anuthing i could do to soften a tiny bit the damage. Any suggestions?
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