In my darkest hours there was LS...

[kickintheaz]

well, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you as I finally turn the key in the door that was finally closed on me tonight....

 

I found LS in some of the darkest hours of my 32 1/2 yrs on this earth. It was shortly after Oct 5th 2009, 7 months to the day since I broke up with my girl over commitment issues.

 

During those 7 months I found her friendship, and I also found me realising I loved her more than anything and I would do anything to be near her, cos maybe, just maybe, we'd end up together again. In that time I realised what I wanted, that my c/ment issues were false, that I wanted the marriage, the children, the old folks home with only her.

 

On oct 5th I told her all this, and in the 2 months since I have cajoled, begged, pleaded, NC'd, LC'd.. you name it, she was 'thinking' bout things, but after our call tonight, she had made her decision a long time ago. What she was actually thinking about was whether she regretted it.

 

But, I got my closure.. the hope is gone. There are plenty of posts on this site about how Hope is the problem, it leads to confusion, to anxiety, it leads us to do silly things!, to react emotionally.. in my case, it did all these things and then some.

 

Having the door of Hope closed on me has lifted a weight off my shoulders. Yeah I'm sad, not at what has happened, but at the fact that those wonderful daydreaming plans I made would not come to fruition with this girl.

 

I rambled and ranted on this site and I found some solace in the advice given. Yes, some of you drove me to paranoia with suggestions of 'other men she has' and such like. But, I know my girl, whilst my situation may be similar to yours, only I know what my girl is like. And only I can react to anything anyone posts on a public site like this. It is a freedom of opinion site and I know that some of the words you take the time to share on here can be applied to me and my situation and others will make me stop and think, and yet others will just make me continue reading.

 

One of the first things I found on here was Caliguys guide to No Contact. Maybe this was the 'nugget' of info I was looking for that night that would help me in my quest. And ya know what it kinda did. I went NC for a total of maybe 19 days in the last two months at different times, when I realised I was simply doing the same thing over and over (begging etc) and I was getting the same answer.. enter NC... and break it and back into the cycle... But the entire premise of NC is sound, it is for US... To get a second chance with someone then THEY must choose to give that chance. My girl has chosen not to. And I respect that and I finally, finally accept it.

 

So in LS parlance I am now back on NC. But I will not call it NC, nor will I count the days of how long I am on NC. Because, to go no contact means you are making a conscious effort NOT to contact your ex. I have no choice, I cannot contact my ex. I cannot allow myself to see or hear her until I have fully let her go.

Maybe in the future I can sit across the table from her and be genuinely happy for her that we got to that point in time. (Or after she questioned all my future plans and my sincerity tonight, then maybe she'll be standing at my door in 2 months wondering 'can we?'...)

 

LS Has shown me that despite location, race, creed, sex, occupation, age... heartbreak has no boundaries. I have made 2 'friends' out of this, as much as one can be friends online (off the site though). Lets call em penpals. They are as far removed from me in life as anyone I've known. But, we went through and indeed one of em still is going through tremendous upset and heartbreak. I will continue to be there for her at the end of IM.. she was for me. I hope we meet in person someday and have that Guinness..

 

LS Has shown me that despite our own personal trauma and heartache, there are people in this world who are willing to take the time and share their stories, their opinions, their lives with complete nameless strangers. It is a community I never knew existed and yet one I have felt comforted by.

 

Thank you LS, you have certainly helped me through the worst few emotional weeks I have ever experienced. You have never judged nor raised your voice in anger at me. You have guided, critiscised (when needed) sympathised and given me *hugs*...

 

You do not know me, and yet you cared. When I look at my life now and what I am thankful for, theres the house, car, dog, family, friends and now one more to the list.. LS...

 

This site is from initial view a terrible terrible place, where people are pouring out their stories, which lets face it, are more often than not, not happy ones. But once you scratch the surface there is a depth of emotion and caring here that I have not seen before. And that is a tribute to all of you/us who use the site. We seek our own answers and yet we freely give our time to help others as much as we can.

 

They say misery loves company, well you guys are the best company so!!.. But we are not miserable people, yeah, we are sad, hurt, angry, confused, in denial, bargaining, depressed, but we also can see light at the end of the tunnel and we know, for once, it is not another oncoming train!

 

I've to start my journey of letting go of my girl now and moving on, finally, with my life. Its been an experience, one I do not wish to repeat anytime soon I can tell you, but I have learned a lot. And if, god forbid, I find myself in a similar place I will know where to turn.

 

*and before anyone makes issue of the fact I am calling my ex 'my girl'.. I am not delusional, she is my EX, I know that, but ya know what, she is also 'my girl'.. has been for 4 years and prob will remain as such in my heart*

 

However, as I move on in my journey, where there prob will be sad days, but I hope more often than not I will be happy, I would like to feel I can stop by and check in, perhaps some of what I have gone through or will continue to go through may help others.

 

So, I raise a glass to everyone on LS (or at least the people who read this far!).. Remember, you may think you are alone as you sit reading this, but you are not, there is a whole community here who are ready to become your cheerleading squad, to show you how to stand up and fight back and be the person you deserve to be.

 

LS Rocks.. and I for one am so very grateful and honoured that you let me in and that you cared enough to type back!.

 

Thanks guys, as we say over here in Ireland "may the road rise to meet you and may the wind be always at your back"

 

Sláinte!

 

N

 

for LS

[madrugada]

Wow, kick, I couldn't say it better myself.

 

So I won't try. I'll just say I agree with you on every point you made.

 

It's not that I want to be here, it's that I HAD to be. Shortly after my breakup in October I sat one night in a fit of drunken desperation and Googled, "How do I get over this heartbreak?"

 

And here I found myself.

 

And it's helped.

 

So I'll raise a glass to you too.

 

And hope one day soon I'll be able to move on as well as you seem to be.

 

Dia duit, kickintheaz. (I hope I got that right. I lifted it from a Roddy Doyle novel.)

[kickintheaz]

Wow, kick, I couldn't say it better myself.

 

So I won't try. I'll just say I agree with you on every point you made.

 

It's not that I want to be here, it's that I HAD to be. Shortly after my breakup in October I sat one night in a fit of drunken desperation and Googled, "How do I get over this heartbreak?"

 

And here I found myself.

 

And it's helped.

 

So I'll raise a glass to you too.

 

And hope one day soon I'll be able to move on as well as you seem to be.

 

Dia duit, kickintheaz. (I hope I got that right. I lifted it from a Roddy Doyle novel.)

 

You will.. you will.. I think I'm at acceptance stage now... or the beginnings of it.. then again it IS 3.30am here and I am on LS!! ha ha.. but thankfully tonight i am not crying!!!

 

and fair play on the Gaeilge.. I imagine being a Roddy Doyle book though it was 'Dia F*&^ Duit'.. which means 'hello'..

 

"Slán" means Goodbye

 

and when you see your ex use "Póg mo Hón" it means "kiss my az"!!!!

[madrugada]

Okay how about this -- my heart is in the leithreas right now, but I'm not crying either. Incidentally, I am drinking some Irish whiskey.

 

And this just proves your point about people seeking help and how useful this site is - here I am, a man in a city in the heart of the U.S., relating to the experiences of someone thousands of miles away who's going through the same thing.

 

And yes, this forum has helped so much, and moving on is so difficult but we have to do it.

 

I hope the closure you got helps you, kick, and I hope everyone on this forum can find the same peace, eventually.

 

We just have to learn to keep moving.

 

Anois!

 

(sorry. same novel. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha. BTW could you help me with the pronunciations? Especially that last. That would be good to know.)

[kickintheaz]

Okay how about this -- my heart is in the leithreas right now, but I'm not crying either. Incidentally, I am drinking some Irish whiskey.

 

And this just proves your point about people seeking help and how useful this site is - here I am, a man in a city in the heart of the U.S., relating to the experiences of someone thousands of miles away who's going through the same thing.

 

And yes, this forum has helped so much, and moving on is so difficult but we have to do it.

 

I hope the closure you got helps you, kick, and I hope everyone on this forum can find the same peace, eventually.

 

We just have to learn to keep moving.

 

Anois!

 

(sorry. same novel. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha. BTW could you help me with the pronunciations? Especially that last. That would be good to know.)

 

well, Irish whiskey will do funny things to ya!!! I stay away from it, scotch is so much nicer!!!

 

as to moving on, having spent the day weeping when no one was looking and writing txts to her and then clearing the screen and wondering for the 1 millionth time 'what if'.... well I've sat on my phone for the night and over the next 14 nights I now have nearly TEN of them booked out for nights out with friends... this is gonna be a very busy xmas for me, and whilst i will miss the company of my ex at this time and the nights in we had watching crap films and eating tonnes of party food and doin all those things couples do, it will be nice to be surrounded by true friends...

 

as to Roddy Doyle.. read his trilogy.. 'the commitments, 'the van' and 'the snapper'... proper dublin english in it, and they are laugh out loud crying funny... I love them!!! He grew up near where I am from and though we don't all talk like that there are certain neighbourhoods where it would be word for word the way he wrote the books. In fact, they should be required reading for heartbreak cases!!!!

 

now, Irish Pronunciation... will do my best..

 

First off we speak in Gaelic pron Gay-lick

 

Dia Duit (Hello) pron Dee-a gwit (like twit but with g)

Slán (goodbye) pron Slaaaw-n

Sláinte (cheers, good health) pron Slaaw-ne-cha (say it fast!)

Póg mo hón (kiss my az) pron Poh-g-muh-hown

leithreas (toilet) pron le-rish (like 'let' with out the t- rish rhymes with dish)

 

and lastly Anois which means 'now' pron Ah-nish....

 

hope that helps.. next week we'll do irregular pronouns leading to 3rd past participle future tenses!! :D

[Kantor]

I didn't read all the replies, but I read your post.

 

We've talked before and you've shared your story as it echos mine in many cases. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but reading your post I'm happy your ready to move on.

 

I'm not there yet, but soon I'm sure too. She wont talk to me, which makes it very hard to have any hope, but it also makes it very hard to have closure. Like you said, I wish she would sit down and talk to me. Even if it was, "ok look i've thought about everything and still don't want to be with you." At least I could hear her say it and move on and not "count the days" like you said and hope and pray.

 

You have given me much insight and guidance in your post and whist you thank LS, I thank you!

 

Were in this one together, friend.

[HeavenOrHell]

Wonderful post And I agree LS is a fantastic, supportive community, I would have been (still would be) much lonelier and desperate without it.

[selena_cat]

FEE FI Fo Fum..I smell the blood of an Irishman,oops Englisman:)

i didnt know thats where you are from,the land of beautiful green pastures; I'm here in the Lousiana Cajun town looking forward to that tall glass of Hurricane down the Quarter in N'awlins.

However, wonderful thread,stay strong,for your dignity, you dont want to regret your actions a year from now saying,what was i thinking? i should have left it (her) alone. Thats why we all are here routing for you, i got a reply for ya,Merry Christmas Lass!

Edited December 23, 2009 by selena_cat

[novack]

Loved it!

 

honest question,

 

how many people found LS by googling things like heartbroken, cheating , exs or things of that nature!

 

I got No Foolin's thread and it just ballooned from there

[kickintheaz]

Loved it!

 

honest question,

 

how many people found LS by googling things like heartbroken, cheating , exs or things of that nature!

 

I got No Foolin's thread and it just ballooned from there

 

yup, think I was googling "how do I get her back".. or " I can't believe she doesn't want me after all this time together and all her mixed signals and she even cried when I told her what I wanted and why oh why is life soooo unfair"... or something along those lines... Caliguys no contact was my first port of call.. (and still trying to implement it 100%)

[Brightmoon]

I feel the same kick.

 

I am going through a tough time and LS is like having my hand held.

 

I am very grateful for it.

Edited December 23, 2009 by Brightmoon

[nobmagnet]

your sentements are sooo right. LS has saved me and my family too.

 

The kind words the symathy, the support is something I never ever expected. I have never used the internet in this way before and am blown away by all the people on here. I may be many many many miles from most of you all but I never feel lonely.

 

love and seasons greetings

 

its gonna be busy here in 3 days i think...........how sad.

 

Lets hope we can help them all

 

xxxxxx

[HeavenOrHell]

Yep, I googled heartbreak!

 

 

 

Loved it!

 

honest question,

 

how many people found LS by googling things like heartbroken, cheating , exs or things of that nature!

 

I got No Foolin's thread and it just ballooned from there