phineas Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Agreed with Mr Bill. Once a cheater always a cheater. They don't cheat because they do not have the opportunity. I agree with this also.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 How many of you believe the old saw, "once a cheater, always a cheater"? I don't. I do. I am pretty old, and have a few relationships and one long marriage behind me. Over 30 years ago, I was involved with a chronic "player" who cheated all the time. He was my "first love" and the only man I'd had sex with. In my immaturity, confusion, and anger, I decided to cheat on HIM. Revenge cheating. Well, it was stupid, weak and didn't help me any, but the episode didn't lead to a lifetime of cheating for me. no, but it indicates that you are more than well capable of it and if it happened once, it can happen again. all it takes is the most opportune moment with someone that really gets you hot and bothered where you think you'd never get caught.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I think everyone is capable of cheating. Sometimes its because they have inner problems..not so much "My SO isn't giving me what I want" even tho most people would like to believe that.
Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I was a serial cheater when I was younger. I did not understand why I cheated, felt so badly after each time, readily admitted it to my guy and vowed each time never to do it again. I ended up cheating time and time again though and it caused me lots of strain as it goes against all values I had then and now. It took me years to understand why I was cheating as I was not a person to justify the unacceptable behavior of cheating. I have not cheated on anyone in ten years and have no desire to. My perspectives in life have changed so much and I have so many other outlets now and choices. Now I would not even flirt with someone. I am living proof that people are capable of change, that there are people that are unhappy with their choices and that want to change. I didn't have the tools needed to do that but once I obtained those tools my whole life changed and for that I am grateful.
Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Agreed with Mr Bill. Once a cheater always a cheater. They don't cheat because they do not have the opportunity. I have had multiple opportunity to cheat in the last ten years and I haven't after serial cheating in earlier life. Anyone can create the opportunity to cheat if the opportunity doesn't present itself. I completely disagree with this statement.
Kizzyfur Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I have been married to my wife for over 35 years. I have not been "looking" to cheat on her, yet there have been opportunities that have come up that ended up with me doing exactly that. This has gone on for a good part of our marriage. I love my wife dearly but I am so attracted to other females. Every once in a great while, the chemistry is just right and before you know it, things spin widely out of control. Well, actually its in my control, but at the end of the day, I enjoy having sex. I am having an affair even now. It has been so thrilling but deep down inside, I know that I am hurting my dear wife who has no clue. I want to end the affair and really need to but another part of me just loves the thrill of it. So once a cheat, always a cheat?? I think its really an issue of opportunity. Once I retire, I know there will be no cheating since there will be no opportunity. Will I miss cheating?? Not really. While it is thrilling, I know that it is destructive to my relationship with my wife of so many years. So perhaps I might miss the thrill, but if it were to destroy my marriage, I would miss my marriage even more, not to mention the screwed up life I'd have if she ever found out. MrBill You love your wife yet you continue to hurt her. WOW! If you care so much for your marriage but enjoy the thrill of being with someone else, maybe you should consider role playing with your wife.
Kizzyfur Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Mme. Chaucer, I want to thank you for this post. Just knowing that not everyone continues to cheat after having made the mistake one or more times has made me feel better that maybe, just maybe, my fiance is feeling bad enough about having cheated on me that he will never do it again as he says. The fact that he suggested counseling makes me believe he's being honest. All I know is that since he came home after having been gone a week our relationship was a lot better than it had been before he left. And since the truth about his cheating on me came out, it's only gotten better than that as he's no longer holding it in and allowing it to eat at him. I'm not saying I won't let my guard down anytime soon. It's just good to know that the old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't necessarily true. Though I never really thought it was anyway. It all depends on the person and whether or not they've found someone they love enough to hold on to rather than continuing to play the field. I have never understood the concept of being in a committed relationship but still playing the field. Why be with someone if you want to play the field?? Why keep them from moving on to something better for themselves if you're not going to give 100% to the relationship? You're only wasting time in their life as well as your own.
threebyfate Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Here's another rule of thumb about cheaters. If you ask them the question of why they cheated and their response is that someone else made them cheat, in any way, shape or form, they'll cheat again. If their response is agonizing, accepting full responsibility for their own actions, with no justifications or rationalizations, they'll probably never cheat again, but once again, there are no absolutes when talking about human nature. Look to their internal strength at enforcing healthy relationship boundaries.
Skump Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Look, "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't a necessary truth, it's a heuristic. It's a rule of thumb meant to help people looking for LTRs cull out statistically risky mate candidates. There are people who've done truly heinous sh*t who've conquered their demons and reformed: gang leaders, drug dealers, child soldiers, etc. I'd be surprised if all of the character defects that might motivate someone to cheat were beyond improvement. That said, no one can look into another person's heart. Hell, no one has 100% accurate self-knowledge. While I think it is possible for some people to correct the flaws that led to their cheating ways, I'm not going to be some Pollyanna and say that, as a group, past cheaters aren't WAY more likely to offend than average. In the end, all you can do is size each potential mate up and ask, "who does this person seem to be, and what are the risks/rewards here?"
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