Mittens Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Bit of background first: LDR, been with bf 4 months now, live about 200 miles apart, due to move in together (me going to his town) in about a months time. We aren't spending Christmas together due to some family business I have to take care of. We usually get to see each other about every 3 weeks or so. I'm due to go and visit him this coming Friday (18th)....bit of a last minute decision (joint), and frankly, it's costing me a fortune - money I shouldn't really be spending. Tonight, he asks me what time I'm arriving on Friday afternoon...and just as I'm about to say he can meet me at the station, he announces that he's going to a work event that evening for a few hours. Now this is the bit where I might be being unreasonable...I wasn't exactly happy to hear this. We were originally supposed to be going to an Christmas event that a few of our mutual friends are going to be at, on the Friday night - it was because of that event that we decided I would travel down. I've had a really rough week this week (my best friend was raped on Sunday evening and I've been the one helping her deal with the police, hospital, etc) and I've been looking forward to it. My bf only found out about his work event this week. I could go to the friends event on my own, but I really don't want to...I'm spending all this money so I could go with and be with my bf, not on my own...and most of these people I've only known for a short while. Anyway, he accuses me of being 'possessive' and trying to 'control' him. I did point out that if I'd known earlier, I would have given Friday night a miss so he could do what he liked, and come down on the Saturday instead. He then accused me of trying to make out he was 'neglecting' me. Am I wrong to be really disappointed with this? He's spent alot of time this last 4 months complaining about how much he dislikes the company he works for - he likes the job itself. At the moment I feel like blowing the whole weekend off.
Rollercoasterr Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Umm...you're going to see HIM, and he's blowing you off for a work event? Are you sure he REALLY wanted you to come?
Author Mittens Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) Yeah Rollercoasterr, that was my initial reaction, I must admit. I was a bit stunned. He did want me to come, we've been talking about the friend event all week, and tonight it's 'I've got a work do I'll be at for a few hours' We were speaking on MSN, this is what he actually said to me at one point, after I said I was reconsidering coming down at all: 'Enough I am sick of this TBH come down friday or saturday or not at all it is up to you but don't ever try to control me like this. This is ridiculous.' I'm having to pay for a hotel room, as well...he's staying with his parents until we move in together, and there isn't room for me there. I was looking forward to us spending the afternoon together and going to the friend event, and now I probably won't see him until really late on, and probably the worst for wear. Edited December 17, 2009 by Mittens
Sadgati Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Bit of background first: LDR, been with bf 4 months now, live about 200 miles apart, due to move in together (me going to his town) in about a months time. We aren't spending Christmas together due to some family business I have to take care of. We usually get to see each other about every 3 weeks or so. I'm due to go and visit him this coming Friday (18th)....bit of a last minute decision (joint), and frankly, it's costing me a fortune - money I shouldn't really be spending. Tonight, he asks me what time I'm arriving on Friday afternoon...and just as I'm about to say he can meet me at the station, he announces that he's going to a work event that evening for a few hours. Now this is the bit where I might be being unreasonable...I wasn't exactly happy to hear this. We were originally supposed to be going to an Christmas event that a few of our mutual friends are going to be at, on the Friday night - it was because of that event that we decided I would travel down. I've had a really rough week this week (my best friend was raped on Sunday evening and I've been the one helping her deal with the police, hospital, etc) and I've been looking forward to it. My bf only found out about his work event this week. I could go to the friends event on my own, but I really don't want to...I'm spending all this money so I could go with and be with my bf, not on my own...and most of these people I've only known for a short while. Anyway, he accuses me of being 'possessive' and trying to 'control' him. I did point out that if I'd known earlier, I would have given Friday night a miss so he could do what he liked, and come down on the Saturday instead. He then accused me of trying to make out he was 'neglecting' me. Am I wrong to be really disappointed with this? He's spent alot of time this last 4 months complaining about how much he dislikes the company he works for - he likes the job itself. At the moment I feel like blowing the whole weekend off. Do you notice a pattern here? No matter what you do or say, everything is all your fault not his. He takes responsibility for nothing. Also, IMHO, he doesn't care enough about you to. You are the one going to him. You are the one going to his event he mentioned to you at the last minute, and you are the one trying to accommodate HIM at your own expense. If you allow this, it will only become worse. He will always make you sit there doubting yourself wondering if everything is all your fault. He sounds very selfish to me. If I were you, I would cancel the trip and make other plans. I would use some of the money you saved from not taking the trip and plan somewhere special to go with perhaps your friend who was just raped you are trying to be supportive of. I would make it somewhere special both of you would enjoy. While you are out, take a look around and see if you can find another guy who actually cares about you enough to treat you with respect. You aren't being possessive, he is being discourteous.
carvidep Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 You aren't being possessive, he is being discourteous. I'd call him something else but I prefer to keep my language clean on here.
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