grfins Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Does forgiveness actually have to be part of the healing process? Eventually I know in my heart I will to some degree but not anytime in the near future. I still have too much hatred, vengence, and saddness to forgive. The betrayel was and is way to deep. If the titanic was sinking, I would give up my seat to anyone but her. If she was homeless on the street I would not give her shelter. If she called for a ride to the ER I would tell her to call someone who cares. You get the picture. I mean are we forgiving them for ourselves or for them? If it is for ourselves then why give them the satisfaction of forgiveness. I would rather she feels that she is never forgiven for such decietful behavior. I know the forgiveness should be for ourselves but why not just skip the forgiveness. Leave her actions as unforgivable and continue the healing and recovery proceess. I'm really not one to ever hold a grudge against anyone and I wont seek revenge but only protection for myself and my son. But Forgiveness? Not anytime in the forseeable future. Or I could be wrong, its just my opinion at the moment.
threebyfate Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 When you hold hatred within you, it eats away all that's happy and worth living for. I don't think it's necessary to forgive someone to their face or to them. You can forgive them as people but not forgive their actions, hence never take them back. But most of all, you need to forgive yourself for whatever reasons you're holding within you. It seriously is like a huge weight off your shoulders, just like the release of any negative emotions. Life's too short to allow someone to have power over your happiness.
WTRanger Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Holding a grudge is like drinking poison in hopes that the other person dies.
Bulldozed Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Does forgiveness actually have to be part of the healing process? Eventually I know in my heart I will to some degree but not anytime in the near future. I still have too much hatred, vengence, and saddness to forgive. The betrayel was and is way to deep. If the titanic was sinking, I would give up my seat to anyone but her. If she was homeless on the street I would not give her shelter. If she called for a ride to the ER I would tell her to call someone who cares. You get the picture. I mean are we forgiving them for ourselves or for them? If it is for ourselves then why give them the satisfaction of forgiveness. I would rather she feels that she is never forgiven for such decietful behavior. I know the forgiveness should be for ourselves but why not just skip the forgiveness. Leave her actions as unforgivable and continue the healing and recovery proceess. I'm really not one to ever hold a grudge against anyone and I wont seek revenge but only protection for myself and my son. But Forgiveness? Not anytime in the forseeable future. Or I could be wrong, its just my opinion at the moment. For me, it's not about forgiveness at this point. It's been just over 3 months...I've progressed from being hurt and heartbroken, to intense anger, to presently, I simply feel pity for the lost soul that she is....forgiveness per se may never come? Down the road, I'll simply feel utterly and completely indifferent towards her in every possible way!
Author grfins Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 The wounds are still very fresh and I'm told that the anger is just part of the process. To hold this much anger I know is not healthy, but to go through the stages of recovery I guess it is neccessary as long as I channel it properly. Your right. The actions will not be forgiven but given time I know in my heart I should be able to forgive the person. Good point.
XKatieX Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) You might not ever forgive the person..but you will forget eventually, and when I say forget you will still remember faintly but it won't be fresh in your mind. You don't have to forgive them for it either, the anger and hatred will turn into indifference, with time. Edited December 17, 2009 by XKatieX
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