Goatsbreath Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 So, in this sense, how do you deal with it? I mean, it seems a lot of people hear condone this type of dating style but for me its tuff to accept. I'm not really a multi-dater but I find myself talking to one. I'm not sure where I fall, we talk every day but I'm not sure if she is seeing me like 25% of time and one other like 75% or if there are like 4 others and we are each getting 25%... This just seems sneaky and wrong to me but maybe I'm just looking at it wrong. So mainly, how do you deal with it. Do you just not ask!!! Do you just put on the best game and try to pretend it don't bug you? How do you show her that you should be number 1 and drop the others?
Lakeside_runner Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 This is a very good question. Is there something that you can come up with to make her chase you? I think that's a common issue with multi-dating girls. They want all the attention from guys and if you go this way you'll be one out of many. If you can make it so that you stand out somehow (and I'm not talking here putting the best game etc. this is what other guys do) you're in!
Porn_Guy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 How do you show her that you should be number 1 and drop the others? you make up some pretend girls that you are multi-dating. make up 2 other girls and produce a dossier on each one (hair colour, job, personality, likes, dislikes, etc...) so that you don't screw up and stay consistent in your lies.
boogieboy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Insecurity will show on your face, she will see it from a mile away. If she tells you shes seeing other guys, you can bet she tells the other guys, and they are all thinking the same thing you are. Best way to handle it? Do the opposite of what you think you should. Dont treat her special, dont try to impress her. You be fun, charming, and really interesting, and you have better things to do than be with her. YOU be the one to act like youre too busy and end all your dates and calls first. Take the attitude of - she still has to impress you. Its your world and she wants in. Youre not going to get nervous just because she wants to pit you against guys you dont know. You automatically lose if you are trying to get into HER world. This is the perfect situation where you act like the bad boy.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 If you're dating a multi- dater, then you know fairly well that she's playing the field. It sounds like you're better suited for an LT commitment over dating infidelities, but I do agree with OpenGl that your position can offer you the chance to learn, play the field and become a bad boy yourself. The one thing that I would highlight is that if you think you cannot handle being apathetic towards multidating don't put yourself in a position to fall in love with someone who is sympathetic to it. Otherwise you might find yourself getting hurt in the unlikely event that you fall in love with her.
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 these are some good answers and its true, I don't think I am suited for this type of thing. Every other pursuit I have ever engaged in has turned into a relationship rather quickly. However, I find myself at a weird crossroads in my life and am willing to pursue things differently with this girl. I don't think I will be good at it but I'm gonna do my best and hope to learn to be said bad boy So far I find myself screwing up sometimes, my mouth opens and starts saying crap that is all opposite of what is suggested hear. I don't end things but instead try to prolong them and ask her to stay a bit longer. Once I brought up her dating habits. I tell her I really like her. I made her a cd. These are probably all bad things to do....
boogieboy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 these are some good answers and its true, I don't think I am suited for this type of thing. Every other pursuit I have ever engaged in has turned into a relationship rather quickly. However, I find myself at a weird crossroads in my life and am willing to pursue things differently with this girl. I don't think I will be good at it but I'm gonna do my best and hope to learn to be said bad boy So far I find myself screwing up sometimes, my mouth opens and starts saying crap that is all opposite of what is suggested hear. I don't end things but instead try to prolong them and ask her to stay a bit longer. Once I brought up her dating habits. I tell her I really like her. I made her a cd. These are probably all bad things to do.... Youre learning already! Yep, You did all kinds of counter-productive and clingy things, (shouldnt do that stuff with anyone really) now you have to do the opposite next time you see her.
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 this is good stuff, I really think I've been doing the opposite my whole life..haha. I feel like I'm on a whole new adventure with a totally different approach to try out. This may be to late to salvage, I don't know, I smothered her with some really stupid **** but she is still talking to me and calling me almost every day so we shall see.
Porn_Guy Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 this is good stuff, I really think I've been doing the opposite my whole life..haha. I feel like I'm on a whole new adventure with a totally different approach to try out. This may be to late to salvage, I don't know, I smothered her with some really stupid **** but she is still talking to me and calling me almost every day so we shall see. dude don't let chicks play you
xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 this is good stuff, I really think I've been doing the opposite my whole life..haha. I feel like I'm on a whole new adventure with a totally different approach to try out. This may be to late to salvage, I don't know, I smothered her with some really stupid **** but she is still talking to me and calling me almost every day so we shall see. That sentence just made you a doormat. You should never in a million years make her phone calls a privilege. Otherwise you'll always end up waiting at home waiting for her to call. Learn to say no and miss a call once in a while. See yourself as a prize, not her.
Holding-On Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 this is good stuff, I really think I've been doing the opposite my whole life..haha. I feel like I'm on a whole new adventure with a totally different approach to try out. This may be to late to salvage, I don't know, I smothered her with some really stupid **** but she is still talking to me and calling me almost every day so we shall see. She is calling you almost every day. It is possible that she is dating around trying to find someone she likes who is actually and truly really interested in her. In fact all the "stupid ****" you are doing may be proving that you are, in fact, the one who likes her. Are you paying attention to this girl and seeing what her actions say? Have you asked her her opinions on exclusivity? What she seems to be looking for?
Left in a Lurch Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I lose interest quickly in multi-daters. Usually their excuses for being busy are flip and seem a little disrespectful. My experience is that they tend to lie about what they are doing and I don't like to date liars. People that lie to me expect I am too stupid to understand what is going on, not exactly a person I want to hang with. At the very least I figure they know which guy they like the most from the start, and they know if they are just using you for a free meal and something to do when the other guy is busy and I don't find that particularly fruitful. To spend a lot of money and time in a situation that she knows I have no chance but she strings me along anyway is bs. I also ran into a situation where I had an "early" Saturday date a few months ago. Pissed me off, I went home at about 9:00 after dinner thinking I just paid $150 to feed that bitch so she wouldn't be hungry when she went out and humped some other dude that night who probably bought her a $2.50 drink and took her to bed.
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 chat room hero: ugg, she has not tried 2 dates on me in one evening....If we hang out its us and that's it for the night. I couldn't handle that and wouldn't spend no 150 dollars on her.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I am incapable of multi-dating and I refuse to date somebody that is multi-dating. I don't have to compete - that's BS. If I rank so low that I have to continue to audition before you decide I'm good enough to focus on, I'll make the decision easy for you and go find somebody worth my time.
monkey00 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 This just seems sneaky and wrong to me but maybe I'm just looking at it wrong. So mainly, how do you deal with it. Do you just not ask!!! Do you just put on the best game and try to pretend it don't bug you? How do you show her that you should be number 1 and drop the others? I've been doing the online thing for awhile. The best thing you can do considering it's a given that most online daters date and chat with multiple people from the site, is to not put all your eggs in one basket. Even if she isn't dating multiple people, assume that she is and you should also date others as well. That's the best answer I can give you for not letting it bug you as long as you don't wear your heart on your sleeve. The harder you try, the harder it'll backfire. Just keep it cool and keep busy.
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