Will he ever leave?

[White Flower]

He probably didn't like it that you were questioning his "conviction from God", because he thought that you should just accept what he says as gospel without question.

 

And he probably didn't like it that the rest of us here see through his "conviction from God" stuff as manipulative crap to shut you up while he does whatever he wants to please himself.

 

And he probably didn't like it that we all think he's a manipulative, selfish ass - he doesn't want to see himself that way and doesn't like it that we have tried to open your eyes so that you can see him for what he is.

 

The fact that he is attacking you personally belies his so-called spirituality. A truly spiritual man would be wracked with guilt for his deceitful, selfish, and hurtful actions. A truly spiritual man wouldn't be questioning your faith and your actions - he would be questioning his OWN. This guy lied, cheated, manipulated, and hurt his wife and you for 2 years. Don't be too upset about him attacking you - a cornered animal will bite. He needs to face up to what he did instead of attacking you.

Norajane, I don't say it enough, but you are an excellent poster. This one is so dead-on.

[White Flower]

I so love when you channel my thoughts:laugh: I remember Mr. Messy saying to me how this (and other) site kept me in the past and how no one on these sites understood the "real" story, the real story he was a punk (like the dude you dealing with) who doesn't like to be responsible for his actions. Blame it on the wife, the ow or God (that one made me fart when I laughed), punk with jello for guts.

I love you Bent!

[White Flower]

Well, I've already told him this, but I want to let you all know that I'm proud of him for having the courage to post.

I do applaud him for having some sort of courage. You know I wanted to use another word but I'm really trying to bite my tongue. The word would have rhymed with calls.

 

I only wish you could express your real feelings and not have to worry about being on your toes and minding your Ps and Qs. You are guarded and you may never feel you can vent your deepest and truest thoughts.

[White Flower]

You're in God's grace...you tell me.

 

Thanks whichwayisup...great things to ponder. I'm not really into the whole manly thing...I'm as weak as any other.

Heart, are you sure you want a man who admits to being weak?

 

I am beginning to see that most MM are just weaklings. How unattractive! I want a real man, one who really stands up to his convictions. Usually, that means being with the one you know you love. The kids won't disappear and they will never hate their father for following his true convictions. In fact, they will respect and honor him for it.

 

I respected my father when he moved mountains to be with his OW.

[White Flower]

I saw the passage below on another thread (Thanks brokenlady), I'm interested in hearing thoughts on this, because I feel this is reality if we walk away.

 

 

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008):

 

Have an affair with someone you REALLY love – Everyone (councillors, friends, peers etc.) says walk away, it is not real love, time will heal, it is not worth it - but deep in your heart you know this is the one. So what do you do, you listen to all these people, you do the “right thing” for your children, your family, your career – and what happens? Let me tell you….

 

This happened to me - I was married, had a great job, great kids, great house – everything was great – except I was the unhappiest I had ever been, life seemed pointless and I was always striving for the next best thing. Then I met her – she changed my life. Honestly, I have never felt like this for anyone. We were great together, related to one another, we spoke, we laughed, we cried – we did everything together – my soul mate really. She really wanted to be with me and I really wanted to be with her but I thought I would do the responsible thing. I went counselling with my wife and decided to work it through – against all that I felt!!! I listened to everyone else and not to myself. So I lost the lady I love and now a few years down the line after all the promises have faded, I am back to where I was, unhappy & striving for the next best thing. Except now I am a worse person – I am bitter about the one I lost, I have become a worse father and husband. I am distant, withdrawn and just carrying on with life. If my wife doesn’t like it – she can go have an affair – I am indifferent. Time did not heal because I was not honest with myself.

 

What I am trying to say is that everyone thinks they know better, but be true to yourself. Look, in my situation someone was going to get hurt but what is worse – living a lie and giving up a piece of yourself or being true to yourself and trying to be a better person. Honestly – the first option ends up hurting more people.

 

Not saying this is the advice you must take – just my experience.

Broken, you said, "

Scorpmale...he wrote that "a few years down the line."

 

I must applaud Scorpmale for expressing his feelings over the bad choice he made. I feel sorry for him. I grew up and watched my parents' distance and it never felt warm and fuzzy in my house growing up. God, I hope Scorpmale has made some positive changes in his life since then.

 

Anyway, most MM have a way of being able to pretend all is good at home and that kind of MM is the worst to deal with because the W is in shock when she learns of the A and the OW is in shock when the MM rushes to console the W on D-day because his story of not being happy at home was so convincing. I wonder which kind of MM Hate2hurt is. Is he pretending at home, going through the motions? Would his W be shocked to read this thread and discover how much he really loves Heartbroken1109?

 

It's all about the lies. MM are so good at lying.

[2sunny]

the pretending and cover up are just another form of lying. once it becomes second nature to them - they don't even realize when they are doing it.

 

that's why it's so important to stop pretending... stop pretending to be totally happy, stop pretending to be committed, stop pretending they aren't hurting, stop pretending that everything is back to "normal."

 

changes need to be made - changes that will address the truth and which are designed to eliminate these forms of deceitfulness all the way around... THAT is when the healing can begin. courage - it takes courage.

[White Flower]

This is brilliant. It's everything I wanted to say last night while reading through the thread, wide-eyed and shaking my head.

 

OP, I hope this thread aids you in your healing. I hope this shows you that he's not much of a prize, after all. Who wants to be with someone who cheats on his wife and then acts like this? You'll forever wonder what else (or who else) he's doing. Love shouldn't be like that. It'd be too exhausting. Much love to you.

Amen. I know all about exhausting. When you KNOW someone is like that, every day can be draining if you have one little change that begins to concern you.

[White Flower]

Forgot to add..I know he is a good person; we both are. Neither of us had ever been involved in an A before and we had no idea where it would lead us. Perhaps I will trust again in time, but it will be a LONG time. Thanks for the encouragement:-)

HB1109, this appears to be your last post on this thread from Dec. 23. I am concerned about you and how you're doing. I relate to you so much and know exactly how you are feeling. I have felt the need to get meds too but have put it off. I haven't updated my story in a long time but you and I could be posting mirrored stories. I wish you the best today and on all days. It is a new year with new beginnings and I hope you don't stand for being an OW ever again to this man who puts your heart last nor any other MM.

 

Be true to who you are and demand the best for yourself. I promise to you to do the same.

[Mary3]

Yes, she knows. Talked to W about it today.

 

Hate2hurt : Are you having sex with your wife ?