2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 2Sunny, you're right about me justifying his behavior. It is because I know him very well and I understand what he is thinking for the most part. I'd rather him come on here and post than just be a vouyer. I don't want to be a doormat. Losing our relationship has been devastating for me, and I can't continue like this forever. waiting forever will get you exactly what you've already been experiencing... waiting on the sidelines for your life to begin. giving him the power over your happiness and future. are you willing to allow this further? decide on a healthy boundary that keeps you happy and safe and moving forward... then stick to it. all this back and forth doesn't help you to heal and move forward. contact of any sort also keeps the door open so he can further hurt you, and you're letting him so you have no one to blame but yourself for that. the fact that you seem to have no boundary allows him to continually harm you and his wife. yep, he is also being dishonest by being here unless he's willing to tell his wife the truth about hunting you down and posting. MM - are you willing to tell your W that you have broken NC with your OW?
hate2hurt Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 the fact that you seem to have no boundary allows him to continually harm you and his wife. yep, he is also being dishonest by being here unless he's willing to tell his wife the truth about hunting you down and posting. MM - are you willing to tell your W that you have broken NC with your OW? Yes, she knows. Talked to W about it today.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 And, how did your wife take that news?
hate2hurt Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 And, how did your wife take that news? It hurt of course. No reason for me to lie to her anymore...just gonna tell the truth.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 What IS the truth? You who hates 2 hurt.. Just seems you're hurting TWO women because YOU cannot crap or get off the pot. Do you want your marriage, to keep your family intact? Or do you want to divorce, and start a new life with your OW, aka Heart? What is the point of all this? That you cannot make a choice and you're hoping your wife will make it for you, kick you out? What? Please, be honest.. I may be harsh at times, but I am respectful.
2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 maybe she did already kick him out and that's why he posted...
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Could be..Or he's just fishing to see how Heart is doing, if she's willing to take him in if his wife does kick him out.. OFcourse, this is all just speculation and assuming. Until he can answer, all we can do is guess with the knowledge of the script of A's and the patterns of A's.
2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 It hurt of course. No reason for me to lie to her anymore...just gonna tell the truth. this is always a crap shoot when evidence says from reading here for many years that MM lie to get whatever they want, when they want it. we never work from words here - we work off of a persons actions. what proof can you give by actions that you're telling the truth now? are you posting here to tug at your OW heartstrings? to see if she'll bend her rules for you? you said you would tell the truth...
hate2hurt Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 What is the point of all this? That you cannot make a choice and you're hoping your wife will make it for you, kick you out? What? Please, be honest.. No...I tried that approach a year ago when I was first discovered in A...didn't work. I want the A to be right and to be able to be with heartbroken plus keep my boys around constantly. That's where the reality of life comes crashing down. Am I logical? Probably not but you wanted honesty.
bentnotbroken Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 An A right...hmmm wonder how that works?
2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 No...I tried that approach a year ago when I was first discovered in A...didn't work. I want the A to be right and to be able to be with heartbroken plus keep my boys around constantly. That's where the reality of life comes crashing down. Am I logical? Probably not but you wanted honesty. ok, so answer the original question on the thread... will you ever leave your wife, and if so, when EXACTLY? if not, what is your plan to help xOW heal properly - without being selfish?
2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 No...I tried that approach a year ago when I was first discovered in A...didn't work. I want the A to be right and to be able to be with heartbroken plus keep my boys around constantly. That's where the reality of life comes crashing down. Am I logical? Probably not but you wanted honesty. if this is what you wanted - why go back to your wife? it clearly shows that you chose your W instead of your xOW. your words and actions don't match... that always irritates the hell out of me.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 No...I tried that approach a year ago when I was first discovered in A...didn't work. I want the A to be right and to be able to be with heartbroken plus keep my boys around constantly. That's where the reality of life comes crashing down. Am I logical? Probably not but you wanted honesty. Oh I want honesty. Now we're getting somewhere. The thing is, you cannot have it both ways and you know this. You want Heart? Divorce your wife, settle custody with your (ex) wife, do counselling, fix yourself and THEN date Heart. She deserves a relationship, not an AFFAIR setting relationship. I hope that makes sense to you. Or, end with Heart and focus on fixing your marriage. IT IS UNfair to make your OW and/or your wife make the choice for you. Not really manly, don't you think?
Author heartbroken1109 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 Not really, but thanks for asking! I've been a complete mess for the past several weeks. It is nice to have open discussion with others about this, but y'all be gentle with him. He's really a good guy. I'm really interested in seeing his response to whichwayisup.
2sunny Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Not really, but thanks for asking! I've been a complete mess for the past several weeks. It is nice to have open discussion with others about this, but y'all be gentle with him. He's really a good guy. I'm really interested in seeing his response to whichwayisup. heart - being gentle allows him to continue fence sitting - you know that right? what's good about that for you or his wife? it only gives permission for a cake eater to do what they love to do - have things their way - hurting everyone in their path... it's not right. you should want more than that for yourself... stick to a boundary.
bentnotbroken Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Not really, but thanks for asking! I've been a complete mess for the past several weeks. It is nice to have open discussion with others about this, but y'all be gentle with him. He's really a good guy. I'm really interested in seeing his response to whichwayisup. How gentle is he with his wife or you? Good guys don't create a mess and wait for others to clean it up, all the while enjoying the messes more attractive sides.
awkward Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Can you try absolute no contact with heartbroken? Can you try independent and marital counseling for the sake of your children? If after you have truly tried and done the work, you find that your marriage is over then get a divorce. At that time you will be free to fall in love with someone else without hurting everyone around you. If you ever do absolute no contact, it will give you a chance to see things more clearly. You will be able to make better choices. Stop hurting your OW and your wife. Right now you are fence sitting and that is selfish.
Author heartbroken1109 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 I know you're right...I'm trying.
hate2hurt Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 An A right...hmmm wonder how that works? You're in God's grace...you tell me. Thanks whichwayisup...great things to ponder. I'm not really into the whole manly thing...I'm as weak as any other.
hate2hurt Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 awkward...I've tried over and over and over again. I want to do what is right...doesn't mean it's easy. Unlike what the man-haters here would like to believe, I don't relish on the fact that I am hurting people...messing with their lives. It really does suck and is very selfish.
norajane Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Unlike what the man-haters here would like to believe Really? You think we're harsh with you because we are man-haters? We love men. Just not the ones who deceive and cheat and manipulate people. We don't have much sympathy for the lying, cheating men who string women along for years and hurt them, all to serve their own selfish purposes. Your desires are not paramount over anyone's else's. You say you've been lurking here for 2 years. If you aren't lying about that, then you'd be well aware that married women who cheat get their share of slings and arrows. As do OW and OM. We don't discriminate based on sex here. Just based on dishonesty and selfishness. But go ahead, lump us together as man-haters and shut your mind to anything you don't want to hear about yourself and everything you don't want to face up to. You are going to do as you please anyway. That's the hallmark of a cheater. 1
awkward Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 awkward...I've tried over and over and over again. I want to do what is right...doesn't mean it's easy. Unlike what the man-haters here would like to believe, I don't relish on the fact that I am hurting people...messing with their lives. It really does suck and is very selfish. I don't understand what is so hard about it. No contact = no emails, no phone calls, no IM's, no internet board lurking, no social networks. Right now you are putting your family on the line here. Are your children not worth it to try? Just go no contact and go to counseling. Give your head a chance to think clearly. Maybe you should go no contact with both heartbroken and your wife. You're hurting them both. Are your children suffering from this affair? I'm curious about these questions. How would you feel if your wife decided tomorrow that she isn't in love with you anymore? How would you feel if you weren't allowed to go back to your comfortable family home? How would you feel if your wife fell in love with another man? Your lucky that your wife hasn't sought out an infidelity board. She would get advice to help her heal and get you off the fence. I don't think you would like the results.
hate2hurt Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 You say you've been lurking here for 2 years. If you aren't lying about that, then you'd be well aware that married women who cheat get their share of slings and arrows. As do OW and OM. We don't discriminate based on sex here. Just based on dishonesty and selfishness. You are right...that's why I didn't dare post when I was in the beginning stages of my A...people get judged and shot down so fast that I wasn't up for punishment at the time. Now I just don't give a ****. Awkward...again....very good food for thought. Thank you for appealing on an honest but logical level.
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