i got back with her but...

[Pentel]

i just can't seem to forget all the stuff she did to me,

i feel so insecure, i know i love her, and that she loves me, but idk, im scared that she might harm me again,

[McGrupp]

then dont be a pussy. breakup with her.

 

how will you carry on a relationship while you continue to walk on glass and be a doormat?

 

treat her like u dont give a ****. im serious. and start not giving a ****.

 

always have the power to walk away.

[Pentel]

more advise?

[McGrupp]

i just have turned a corner. my gf cheated on me and i took her back. guess what? a year later she dumped me.

 

whY? cause i was scared to get hurt, which increased my insecurity and caused me to act irrational even when she was just living her life.

 

so i ask you, why walk on glass and watch her everymove and be paranoid and lose sleep and get anxiety when she is just in the library.

 

????

 

ill see you in a year

[Pentel]

im not that paranoid, and she didn't cheated on me

[McGrupp]

i feel so insecure, i know i love her, and that she loves me, but idk, im scared that she might harm me again,

 

sounds paranoid to me

[WTRanger]

Getting hurt again is just a chance you are going to have to take. You can either spend your current time with her worried about the past that cannot be changed and scared of a future that you have no control over, or you can just relax and enjoy what you have right here in the now.

 

No one has a crystal ball to look into the future and as far as I know no one has a time machine to change the past. So why worry? Enjoy the now. Enjoy the fact that you do have a second chance at things. So make the best of it and just deal with whatever comes your way.

[Pentel]

im paranoid that she will suddenly change again, and say that she doesn't want to be with me, and stuff like that

[McGrupp]

im paranoid that she will suddenly change again, and say that she doesn't want to be with me, and stuff like that

welp only thing you can do is change. and by change i mean in your ACTIONS not in who you are. obviously she is fond of you, but some of your actions (and i gurantee you they werent indifference) pushed her away.

 

so when she acts like a brat say NO, when she gets distant become more distant, when she talks about other guys dont make a big deal of it, and show that you are a man.

 

and try to forget the pain and not hold it against her.

[yic]

Insecurity is a normal response. And knowing how much she can hurt you, maybe you're unsure if you want to take that risk again...

 

The first couple of months after getting back together is scary, and it can make break your relationship. If you can learn to feel secure with your partner again, despite all the pain they've caused you in the past, then you've forgiven them and you're off to a new beginning (I know it's not as easy as it sounds, and this will take time).

 

But if you can't get over the pain, and are unable to work out unresolved issues, then break up. Sometimes it's just too hard or impossible to rebuild what's already been broken.

 

Either way, make a decision and stick to it. Indecisiveness will probably end up hurting both of you.

[j_cali_man]

That's good that you got her back. It can be a challenge if prior issues are unresolved just with that. Now added to it are addional pressures from the insecurity that you mention. I recommend slowing WAY down and start reading in order to get your head and heart together. This can be a perilous time and it can be easy for things to blow up all over again

 

How To Get Your Lover Back by Blaise Harris is a good book. Not a perfect book but it has a lot about getting your head right AND how to not mess things up once back together. I'd head to the bookstore or jump online asap and make that happen. You need guidance that is more in depth than opinions (inlcuding mine) from a blog.

 

J