amilyah Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Husband left a month me a month ago.First week i called and begged him to come home and he told me it was over for good leave him alone.Second week he brought me money knowing i had no job told me he would bring money every week.When he brought it i told him i loved him,and he said he loved me too but not ready to come home yet.A day later come got rest of his stuff and told me again he loved and missed me(also we hugged and kissed).Since then been reading stories on this site as well as other sites and everyone says do no contact.I admit i tried to contact him twice since the but he wont answer.Well now two weeks gone and still have not heard from him.We were together 20 years and i know he loves me deep down.Dont think theres another woman,but i could be wrong.i just dont know what to do any more i still cry all the time.How long does nc usually take.I want to call so bad but i know he wouldnt answer.He knows i cant pay the bills on my own .I am now working but not enough to pay everything.Dont understand how he can do this to me.Im so scared i need advice bad.
Itried Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 oh wow, I don't know what to tell you as I would never leave my wife like that. I stopped contacting my wife for a week and she started calling me at that point but I think it is to keep a string on me so I dont leave until she is ready to leave me..... In your case, I can not understand why he would do this. Everyone is different so I can not comprehend why he would leave his wife if you have done nothing wrong. Hmm, two weeks seems a long time, I don't know how I would have coped....sorry I cant offer help but I do feel for you.
TaraMaiden Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Husband left a month me a month ago.First week i called and begged him to come home and he told me it was over for good leave him alone.Second week he brought me money knowing i had no job told me he would bring money every week.When he brought it i told him i loved him,and he said he loved me too but not ready to come home yet.A day later come got rest of his stuff and told me again he loved and missed me(also we hugged and kissed).Since then been reading stories on this site as well as other sites and everyone says do no contact.I admit i tried to contact him twice since the but he wont answer.Well now two weeks gone and still have not heard from him.We were together 20 years and i know he loves me deep down.Dont think theres another woman,but i could be wrong.i just dont know what to do any more i still cry all the time.How long does nc usually take.I want to call so bad but i know he wouldnt answer.He knows i cant pay the bills on my own .I am now working but not enough to pay everything.Dont understand how he can do this to me.Im so scared i need advice bad. First, the Practical: I don't know where you live, but you need to get a grip on the practicalities and do something concrete to stop yourself falling into serious debt. You need to contact an advisory body (in the UK it would be The Citizen's Advice Bureau) because if you have joint names on bills, he needs to contribute and pay his half. Even if he's not there, he can't just walk away from his financial responsibilities. If the house is in his name, he's got to keep paying the mortgage, or at least, jointly contribute, if it's in both your names. If you rent, his name is on the rental agreement, and the same applies. He can't just walk away from you AND his practical financial obligations. You need to contact a lawyer or solicitor to oblige him to pay his way. This is vital for two reasons: ONE, it will get you out of a financial mess. TWO: it will show him you're not a useless, spineless wuss who's fallen apart and can't put one foot in front of the other. You need a good friend alongside you to guide you and think straight for you, because at the moment, you can't do this on your own. You need help, support and a shoulder to lean on. He's not going to give it to you, so think of someone you could call on for some help. Now, the emotional: I think you've misunderstood the point of No Contact. In this specific case, I don't think it's suitable or appropriate, because actually, for the reasons you mention above, you have to keep in touch with him. I'm sorry - truly I am - but there's very little question in my mind, that there IS another woman. He's left you, to be with her. he wants space and time alone - but he's cheating on you, and telling you that to get you off his back, give him his liberty and get his end away with her, un-bothered and unhindered. And while you are slowly falling apart, he's keeping it up and together with her. So for goodness' sake, do something concrete now, before he completely destroys everything you have - both emotionally and materialistically.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 NC is supposed to be so people can move on and heal, rather than to get someone back, although in some cases it can have that effect. There's no set time limit, it can take weeks/months/years for someone to come back, but they may never come back. And using NC to heal from someone takes people different amounts of time. My ex left me after 18 years, so I know how it feels hun Any chance you could both go for relationship/marriage counselling?
Author amilyah Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you for your replies.I went today and had to apply for food stamps,never in a million years would i have thought i would be doing this.But they gave me the number for legal aid .They said i would be able to use them because of my income.Problem is i really dont want to deal with it till after chrismas.Think it would make me to sad.But the good news is im starting a new phase i think.Im not crying everyday im just getting mad.I have lost like 30 pounds and look better than ever.I cant wait for him to see me now(lol).Bad thing about it is im not bragging but i know im pretty.Can get many other guys.Hes not ugly but not the best looking,and hes a little overweight.But he will find someone to use him for his money(he makes good money). Cant wait for the day,he wakes up and says i want my wife back and hopefully by then wife wont want his sorry butt back.Thank you all again for the advice.
TaraMaiden Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you for your replies.I went today and had to apply for food stamps,never in a million years would i have thought i would be doing this.But they gave me the number for legal aid .They said i would be able to use them because of my income.Problem is i really dont want to deal with it till after chrismas.Think it would make me to sad.But the good news is im starting a new phase i think.Im not crying everyday im just getting mad.I have lost like 30 pounds and look better than ever.I cant wait for him to see me now(lol).Bad thing about it is im not bragging but i know im pretty.Can get many other guys.Hes not ugly but not the best looking,and hes a little overweight.But he will find someone to use him for his money(he makes good money). Cant wait for the day,he wakes up and says i want my wife back and hopefully by then wife wont want his sorry butt back.Thank you all again for the advice. Read the bold bits out loud, every day, as you stand in front of your mirror and acknowledge how lovely you really are. Then make sure you have complete handle on your legal rights, and show him just what an almighty can of worms he's opened up. And the fact that you're thinking of the day when 'his wife won't want his sorry butt back' means you're a lot closer to that day than you think. Good on you girl. You get yourself straight, and have a good time.
Author amilyah Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you tara.I know im better than i was a month ago.But some days are good others are bad.Yesterday i would have done anything to get him back.Today i feel i dont want him back.Tomorrow who knows.
Lishy Posted December 18, 2009 Posted December 18, 2009 I think there is a high chance he is with someone else, I would invesigate if I was you. Men rarely leave a marriage without something else to go to You deserve more and I guarantee if you deal with this and work things out for youself you will realise that he is not all that! He is being cruel and karma will come back on him let me tell you
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