jms76 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Hey guys, I'm not sure if my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend are actually broken up and I don't know if I should initiate contact. Went over to her place and talked about "us" and she stated that she didn't want to end the relationship but wasn't sure how we could go forward. We've been having problems for the last couple months (1 year relationship). I suggested that we go on dates instead of dating and she thought that was a good idea. Anyway, towards the end of the conversation she also said that she needed time and I said I understood. I got up to leave, she kissed me goodbye and I left. So that was Saturday (4 days ago). I'm pretty confused as to what to think? Should I not call her to confirm what our status is so I can start the healing process/NC? These limbo feelings suck.
sugarmomma Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I would call just to get clarification on what it is that she wants to do. Do you want to end the r? If you don't you should be sure to say so. If its her, you may want to find out why? There may be something that you can do to make things work. I really don't like to see people give up too easily on the person they love.
Author jms76 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Sugar, I think I will call her tonight. I have a feeling it's over since she de-friended me on facebook. Anyway, wish me luck:(
McGrupp Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 if u want to save anything, act like its over and DONT CALL OR TEXT OR ANYTHING. this is really a crucial moment. act like its over, save you dignity and walk away. nothing you say can change anything. act like its over and if she comes back she wants you. if not then well youll get the answer. signed, someone who went through the same ****
Author jms76 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Mc, I totally understand where you are coming from but in this case, I really don't know where we stand. I'm assuming the worse because I'm a pessimist by nature. But I would really like solid confirmation where I stand. If she has already checked out, then I need to know so I can move on.
McGrupp Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 she checked out. look at her actions not her words.!!!! just leave it and walk. believe me its the only way. dont read nay 2nd chance threads...just walk and ignore her for the next, lets say a month. either she goes nuts and tries to find you or she doesnt hit you up and you make your own conclusion. believe me in a month she is not going to say, "well you never called so i thought it was over" **** that. if wanted to know if its over she will call. take the upper hand. im telling you man...but youll do what you want. girls dont want to be chased or asked questions or compounded with emotions. dont even care and act accordingly
Author jms76 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Sh** you do have a point. Her actions do speak volumes especially when she de-friended me on FB. That alone should tell me something. It's just that when I saw her on Saturday, she really left me puzzled. Then again, when I have not been puzzled by women in general:cool: I think I won't call her now. For one, it's only been 4 days, not nearly long enough for her to miss me(if she even does). And if she does want to salvage the relationship, she knows how to use a phone. Thanks for your input MC.
neoskunk Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 i just went through the exact same thing. save yourself a lot of time and effort. let her know that you want to be with her and that you love her. after that let her come to you or let her go. you can't change how she feels. i didn't listen to all the great advice on here and I really should have. So take it from me and all the other people on here. don't contact her and fall all over yourself trying to make her happy.
Author jms76 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Neo, just to clarify, are you saying I should contact her once to let her know how I feel or continue NC?
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 dont even tell her you love her. dont. let her chase that "i love you" believe me man. if my suffering can bring you relief i know im doing my part. listen if u want to click on my past threads i started and i mean like back in sept-oct and see what i went through by calling, texting i love you's all that ****, because waht will happen is it never enough. youll say something you wish you didnt say or whatever. think you can fix it. its a never ending cycle. walk away with all of your dignity. think about in 1 year if she never calls you again. well? you think you saying "i love you" wouldve saved that? how about the time i said "i love you" to my ex and heard silence on the other end? what do you think that was like? **** it dude. walk away....
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 dont rationalize. dont show emotion silence is golden. let her wonder about you. even if you cry every night or get out the noose, dont let her know, and dont let her know how you feel. now bash away ladies...
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 i find the worst thing you can do when this **** is going down (and no disrespect to my girls ms. joolie, heavenandhell, tara, erica, etc) is listen to the women on here. sorry but the advice they give (like your mom and sister) is based on what they would do.
madrugada Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) McGrupp is right, except for listening to the women posters, whose points of view I've found to be extraordinarily helpful on these boards. I think it does help to have perspectives from all sides. But come on, man. Listen to what McGrupp is saying. She has - - told you she doesn't see a future, but she is willing to "date" you. Translation: she'll hold on to you until someone better comes along. And she'll do it on HER terms. - unfriended you on Facebook. Translation: chances are, she's already found someone to be interested in. Sounds like a woman on a mission. Listen to McGrupp, who made the same mistakes you're thinking of making by breaking NC. Listen to me, who also made those mistakes. Listen to the countless others on LS who've done the same thing. Move on. If she comes crawling back, it's your call. If not, you've got your own life to live. So live it. By getting in touch with her, you'll accomplish only two things: you'll lose her respect for you and you'll lose respect for yourself. And down the road, you'll only have regrets. So I guess that's three things. But whatever. Do yourself a favor. Let it go. Edited December 17, 2009 by madrugada
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 im not knocking the ladies. god knows how much they have helped me cope and move on with my life. however when i was in the flux of the breakup i got some advice that was like "tell her you love her" AND "maybe if you call her" just saying
madrugada Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I know McGrupp, I'm not bashing you. My sisters have been giving me bad advice from the start. But in this situation we both know what's called for. We've been there, and there's a lot we wish we would've done differently, or not at all. When a woman says she needs time, it's best to give it to her. jms76, go NC and stay that way. Trust me. If you still need solid evidence of where she stands, consider the fact that you are not even Facebook friends anymore.
sugarmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 OP you didn't say she defriended you on fb in your original post. Yea that does say a lot. Don't call and just let it go to start your healing process.
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 my ex didnt defriend me. she close down her whole profile!!! how bout that. shut it down when we were on space...which lead me to call her which lead her to say its over!!! damn you facebook!!!
sugarmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 my ex didnt defriend me. she close down her whole profile!!! how bout that. shut it down when we were on space...which lead me to call her which lead her to say its over!!! damn you facebook!!! McGrupp I know how you feel but there are some good kind women out there. Don't close your heart to love, just guard it. We have to learn to build fences instead of walls. With fences you get to look over and check out the person and see if their worthy to come in. Just look close at the person's character and morals instead of their good looks, charm and personality.
LovelyDaze Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Sorry, If you have to ask then at the very least...you guys are already in some sort of separation. If you still are in real limbo, have a REAL talk and ask how you guys really think you are doing, what you want for the future, and if there is anything yu guys need for each other to do to improve. Unlike most of us, our exes flicked us off like spiders and told us bye sucker. If after a good final talk things don't improve, do what some LS members have advised and go NC. It's just not worth it to be in a relationship all by yourself.
Author jms76 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 See Lovely has a point too. This is why I'm struggling. On the one hand she asked for time and said that going on dates would be a great idea. And on the other hand, she defriended me on FB. But Lovely you're right, we are in some sort of separation at this point. In our 1 year relationship, we have never gone this long without talking. Part of me thinks NC is the way to go and if she contacts me at some point (sooner than later) I'll decide then about making things work. The other part of me thinks that I need clarification instead of wondering if she'll call/contact me. I hate this...I hate this feeling and unfortunately I've been here before. It consumes your thoughts and cripples your ability to function. I think that I have to assume that it's more or less over right? Either way, I appreciate everyone's contribution and help. You guys are helping tremendously regardless of the outcome.
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 just dont contact at least until your emotions have settled. and try to write some sort of script. but promise me youll give it 10 days of NC. (your on 4 already so thats not bad)
Author jms76 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 I promise I won't contact her for at least 10 days. Fortunately I have plenty of stuff lined up that will keep me occupied for the next week or so. I wish I was strong enough to delete her phone number. I'm sure she has already gotten rid of mine.
Author jms76 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Crap guys...I'm going nuts. I so want to call her! I want to know if it is truly over. Help! WTF am I supposed to do?
McGrupp Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 go to the gym. jerk off. turn off your phone. go for a drive. eat a sandwich. jerk off again. smoke a cigarette. eat a xanax. write a movie script. just dont break NC here. its crucial right now if u want any chance.
HLP234 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I got a question. My gf went away for holidays while we are on a "break." If you ever read any of my other posts on here you will get the full story. Basically I found out that on myspace she is spending nights with her "best friend" which she told me about the connection she has with him and wants with me. She prolly does not know I know about this or maybe she does. Before she went home we hung out and she left thinking things were ok and said we need to see each other as soon as she gets back..but after finding out what I found out, I don't think I want to wait anymore. Would the right thing to do be not ever talk to her again, ignore her completely? OR Just tell her I can't take the pain of the break anymore and I need to move on because it has been going in circcles and then ignore her completely? Both lead to the same path and I can heal but I can not be friends with this person anymore either. And if it means telling her I'm done with this, I would rather do it in person but that also means waiting till she gets back in a few weeks. What do you think?
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