why is he being such a jerk? !

[dacss1]

hi everyone! if anyone can give me some insight i would greatly appreciate it as i am wrecking my brain about this. so several months ago i began seeing my upstairs neighbor whom i've known and was friends with prior to us dating. Not to mention that we have a lot of mutual friends.

 

at first everything was great...dinners...great conversations...blah blah blah even made a few trips together and made plans of future travels. he made it seem like he was really into me...almost to the point where it was borderline clingy. then after about 3 months of seeing each other, slowly things started to change with him...he began to talk trash about my ex (who he knew and i had no ill feelings against), he became more distant, phone calls became less frequent...the whole spiel. i wasn't born yesterday, folks, and i've seen that movie "he's just not that into you" so i saw all the signs of a breakup, and so i gave him his space. we never talked about not seeing each other again or calling it quits...it just kinda happened.

i didn't attempt to contact him, i was quiet and was a respectful neighbor (because he lives directly above me), and i tried my best to move on and not let it get to me although inside i was really confused and beating myself up about it. after several weeks of no contact, a mutual friend of ours told me that he had been saying some pretty mean things about me...basically that he was "done with me"...and even told my friend that he should "go for it" with me...like i'm a piece of meat or something being passed around. i was mortified and hurt.

 

then one night he randomly decides to contact me...he was wasted. i didn't answer his phone calls. but i simply texted him "call me when you're sober". The next day he called to appologize. Trying to be mature yet still bothered by what had been said about me, i realized that there are always two sides to every story and after giving me an award-winning speech of how sorry he was and that the things that were said about me were totally taken out of context, rather than fight about it, i told him that i would rather forget about it and move on.

 

we hung out several times after that and it was just like when we first started going out but i still kept my guard up...i also didn't give in and sleep with him. i didn't want to be just a "booty call". and then just like that "poof" no contact again. trying my best to show that i am not affected, i picked myself off the floor and tried to move on and keep myself busy instead of staying at home feeling sorry for myself knowing that he was just upstairs. i distanced myself from our mutual friends a little, became more descreet and stayed less and less at my apartment. again i did not make any attempts to contact him...i just assumed he was "done with me".

 

where it's different than from the last time we went without contact is that he has recently become the neighbor and ex from hell! his stereo begins blaring at 7am and has been having "band practice" with his buddies starting at 11pm complete with electric guitars and drums...and goes on until 3am! he isn't a big guy but he stomps so loudly throughout the apartment that it shakes. the few times i have run into him (mostly outside of the apartment) i have nicely said "hey" or "hello" and even wished him a happy thanksgiving (and not in a condescending way either) but he has completely blown me off and doesn't even look at me nor acknowleges my existance. just last night i was coming home from work and he was outside...he took one look at me and bolted! he ran away!

 

i get it...it's over...alright... but how did it get to this point? i mean...just a few weeks ago we were on my couch watching a movie together and playing scrabble??? at this point i just don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home...i am trying to be an adult about this especially since i can't afford to break my lease and i'm trying to be the bigger person also for the sake of our freinds that we share and i don't want to make it awkward for them as he has not shown up to several outings because he knew i was going.

 

he's also been talking again about me to our friends basically saying that all i was was a lay and he's moved on. and remember he was my friend at one point in time! i guess my question is why is he intentionally being such a jerk and so hurtful? i have been nice, i haven't talked badly about him to anyone, and i'm intentionally never home for my presence to annoy him. i would expect this from someone in their 20's but he's 35! i just really do not understand or know how to handle the situation and need some advice. please!

Edited December 16, 2009 by dacss1

[pureinheart]

hi everyone! if anyone can give me some insight i would greatly appreciate it as i am wrecking my brain about this. so several months ago i began seeing my upstairs neighbor whom i've known and was friends with prior to us dating. Not to mention that we have a lot of mutual friends.

 

at first everything was great...dinners...great conversations...blah blah blah even made a few trips together and made plans of future travels. he made it seem like he was really into me...almost to the point where it was borderline clingy. then after about 3 months of seeing each other, slowly things started to change with him...he began to talk trash about my ex (who he knew and i had no ill feelings against), he became more distant, phone calls became less frequent...the whole spiel. i wasn't born yesterday, folks, and i've seen that movie "he's just not that into you" so i saw all the signs of a breakup, and so i gave him his space. we never talked about not seeing each other again or calling it quits...it just kinda happened.

i didn't attempt to contact him, i was quiet and was a respectful neighbor (because he lives directly above me), and i tried my best to move on and not let it get to me although inside i was really confused and beating myself up about it. after several weeks of no contact, a mutual friend of ours told me that he had been saying some pretty mean things about me...basically that he was "done with me"...and even told my friend that he should "go for it" with me...like i'm a piece of meat or something being passed around. i was mortified and hurt.

 

then one night he randomly decides to contact me...he was wasted. i didn't answer his phone calls. but i simply texted him "call me when you're sober". The next day he called to appologize. Trying to be mature yet still bothered by what had been said about me, i realized that there are always two sides to every story and after giving me an award-winning speech of how sorry he was and that the things that were said about me were totally taken out of context, rather than fight about it, i told him that i would rather forget about it and move on.

 

we hung out several times after that and it was just like when we first started going out but i still kept my guard up...i also didn't give in and sleep with him. i didn't want to be just a "booty call". and then just like that "poof" no contact again. trying my best to show that i am not affected, i picked myself off the floor and tried to move on and keep myself busy instead of staying at home feeling sorry for myself knowing that he was just upstairs. i distanced myself from our mutual friends a little, became more descreet and stayed less and less at my apartment. again i did not make any attempts to contact him...i just assumed he was "done with me".

 

where it's different than from the last time we went without contact is that he has recently become the neighbor and ex from hell! his stereo begins blaring at 7am and has been having "band practice" with his buddies starting at 11pm complete with electric guitars and drums...and goes on until 3am! he isn't a big guy but he stomps so loudly throughout the apartment that it shakes. the few times i have run into him (mostly outside of the apartment) i have nicely said "hey" or "hello" and even wished him a happy thanksgiving (and not in a condescending way either) but he has completely blown me off and doesn't even look at me nor acknowleges my existance. just last night i was coming home from work and he was outside...he took one look at me and bolted! he ran away!

 

i get it...it's over...alright... but how did it get to this point? i mean...just a few weeks ago we were on my couch watching a movie together and playing scrabble??? at this point i just don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home...i am trying to be an adult about this especially since i can't afford to break my lease and i'm trying to be the bigger person also for the sake of our freinds that we share and i don't want to make it awkward for them as he has not shown up to several outings because he knew i was going.

 

he's also been talking again about me to our friends basically saying that all i was was a lay and he's moved on. and remember he was my friend at one point in time! i guess my question is why is he intentionally being such a jerk and so hurtful? i have been nice, i haven't talked badly about him to anyone, and i'm intentionally never home for my presence to annoy him. i would expect this from someone in their 20's but he's 35! i just really do not understand or know how to handle the situation and need some advice. please!

 

It sounds close to what I have been going through....he could be a commitment phobic and also operates in a lot of imaginations....my ex b/f was always accusing me of cheating on him....basically he blamed me for everything bad that had ever gone on in his life.

 

He liked to keep me off balance, not knowing where I stood in the R....I got so frustrated one time, asking him what were we, meaning were we together or not, were we friends or what...he said friends...so I said ok fine, if I meet someone I am free to go with them right....he said he had no problem with that....I did meet someone and he freaked....now granted this man is 52 yrs old....so age makes no difference where there are deep psychological issues.

 

I would venture to say this guy takes 1 or more meds that alter his personality....my ex on a certain combination of drugs would get real mean and weird...I think he was trying to kill us both one time on his motorcycle, but I can't prove it.

 

Be glad you are rid of him because he is not right in the head....I too tried to figure out what went wrong and even blamed myself....he started fights with people all of the time, then other times was as sweet as pie.

 

Everytime we would start to make headway concerning the relationship he would do something, or a series of things to push my buttons to make me mad and then start a big fight and expect me to apologize to him....what a freak....man thinking about this stuff makes me glad he is out of my life!

[boogieboy]

He is probably treating you that way because he is holding a grudge that youre not chasing after him when he stopped contacting you. Or hes just immature.

 

In any case, I dont know why youre worrying about it, its over, theres no reason for you two to talk, go find a new guy.