Need , friend going true a hard time

[funktastic]

I have a friend who married a women from his own country that lives in USA, so they get married in Norway where my friend lives, and everything all good and dandy. They had known each other for many many years so they where not new to each other.

 

So after the wedding they travel together allot and she seems very happy and she have zero complains. So when his paper work is almost done and its only two months until he is supposed to move to USA..she suddenly out of the blue calls him and says "I am not the right women for you, and i don't see a future with you"

 

This happened at the same time as she bought a house, as soon as she bought a house she started to act this way. Until this day, she have not giving him a good or at least a decent explanation for her behavior. On top of that she is also talking really bad about his family, that have treated her like a princess. So my friend is just scratching his head and cant understand what hit him.

 

Al little bit about this women :

 

1: She is pretty much acting as the head of her family, dad does not do anything what so ever. Its as if he is okey with the older daughter running the entire house. Neither the mom or dad have anything to say i any matters.

 

2:So she have pretty much been used to being a boss and never had anyone tell her no. And she always thinks she is right.

 

As for as i know my friend, he is pretty straightforward and tells her everything as it is, and i think that was really bothering her. Nobody had ever told her that she is wrong or giving her a different opinion.

 

So i told him friend after when he did the begging and pleading to stop having contact with her all together. Calling and calling was only heating things up.So after 4 months with ZERO contact she suddenly calls my friends brother and is crying really bad and talking how it was not your families fault and it was him and her that did not work things out...and that she really tried hard(bull**** ermm)

 

Then she says the same things she told my friend 4 months ago, that i don't see a future and its wont work out.. basically a repeat of the what she said earlier.

 

Now my friend is asking me this:

1:If she really did not want to have anything to do with him, then why even bother to call. She did not call for 4 months..so why out of the blue call and also cry about it.

 

2:Is she only trying to get rid of guilt or is she playing games with me.

 

3: Why calls my brother who have nothing to do with it

 

For question 3: i personally think she is ashamed of calling him directly...cause she really was abusive with her words to my friend and calls him allot of names.

 

Any suggestion as to what to say to my friend and what advice to give

him. He obviously still love her and have feelings for her,but this crying and

calling his brother have made him confused. The brother did not say anything then that he can say anything in this matter and it would be better to talk directly with him

 

Thanks for reading and i am taking any advice with open arms

 

With kind regards

Funk

[2.50 a gallon]

I am sorry for your friend, but I think the M is doomed. In theory the man and woman are to leave their family and begin their own family. She obviously has not done this. And not only that she has in turn become the head of her own family. In a sense a queen. The ties with her own family are too strong and she is not going to share her power with any one else, even if he is a king. If he is a king they will continue to butt heads, and if he is anything less than a king, she will never respect him

 

What I find to be curious, is they have know each other for years, why is he just finding this out. I assume the possible relocation to the states must have been the trigger for the new personality to emerge

[funktastic]

Thanks for the reply, you just hit the nail right on the head my friend. Thats what i have been telling him for some time now, but this entire situation seems to be pretty much to impossible.

 

She is like you said used to be the queen of the family and letting go of that power or share it with her husband seems to not work for her. I think in part the parents have a major fault in this and they let the situation get to a point where they were just happy to let her rule.

 

They did know eachother for many years, but he never knew her in that way...he was more like a friend at that time and at that time i believe they where living in their homecountry, and the parents had some controll as well. I think controll pretty much got shiftet all the way to her and the parents seemed to be happy about it as they no longer had to do anything, or make any decisions...not much of parents if you ask me.

 

A really hard nut to crack, so what i will do is to tell him to have a heart to heart with his wife and try to make her realize that this is not how a marrige works and that she have to make some changes in her life...and hopefully he will do that in a very political way..and if she accept that she have to deal with this issue and do something about it, then i think there is hope. Otherwise its over for my friend, its sad but its reality i guess.

 

Thanks for the reply buddy, and please fellas..do come with suggestions as to how or whatmore options there are...maybe someone with a similer experience can sheed some light on this matter.

 

With kind regards

Bashir Naimy