LeSolitaire Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Ive been dating a girl for 3 years now and she is amazing. So sweet, genuine, cares about all the right things in life. We have experienced so much together and I consider her my best friend. But the fire has gone from our relationship. I find myself having a hard time being turned on physically by her. Its not that she is unattractive. In fact, she is super attractive. But I have always had a thing for thicker women. I wish it were different and that she turned me on fire, but it's not the case. I find myself constantly looking at other women and thinking about other women. I cant help it. Basically, I am sexually unfulfilled. It is breaking my heart, because while I love her so much, and would never want to hurt her, I feel like she deserves someone who is hear over heels attracted to her physically and wants her all the time. I also dont want to think of myself with her for the rest of our lives constantly having desires for other women. Its gotten to the point where I have to either take the relationship to the next level or end it. I know we will both e devastated for a while if I end it and that may be forcing me to delay what might be inevitable. Should I go with my gut and end it, despite the fact that she is absolutely the sweetest girl Ive ever met and such a keeper. Or should I try to make it work because I have so much invested in the relationship? Im so confused on this, any insight would be so much appreciated. I feel like an ass for having these feelings, but I cant make them go away. Do I sacrifice a great friendship, or live life without the passion I feel should be present in a life long relationship?
Phateless Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 You can't really control how you feel. This is a tough one. How often do you have sex, and how does that go? Is there any experimentation you could do to spice things up?
Wiriest Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Hey man I say stick with it and try to have a thing for skinnier women.. I'm sayin that cause I got this same problem too. I always thought, those women you see that are supposedly what's attractive.. like celebs, pussycat dolls lol, I don't know.. uhh lindsey lohan?? (I don't watch TV as you can tell).. but for me never really did it for me. But.. Rikki Lake.. hell yeahhh.. Ok, this was back in the 90's. Don't know if you even remember (BTW, I just pulled her name randomly.. But you got the idea) So even now.. my girl now is lanky, skinny, nice face.. n very pussycat dollish. We been 2 yrs.. and I think only recently.. I just somehow found a way to enjoy it. One thing to ask yourself, are you only sexually into bigger women? As in, u like how they fit into their u know what. Cause, all I know is the next morning waking up with that "bigger" gal in bed, I realized that's all it was.. a sexual preference. So you know what, dig your girl, and check out some hot bbw online lol.... there u go man.
Author LeSolitaire Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 we have tried experimenting with other things and they dont cure the cravings for other women. Perhaps this is something that even happily married men deal with. I dont know. We do have sex semi-regularly, but its often just me going through the motions
squeaky Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 was she always skinny and were you super attracted to her before? do you think some other dynamic could have changed in the relationship to make you feel differently? like something emotional as opposed to physical? maybe this is just your instinct trying to tell you that she's not the right person for you. you really do have to have a certain degree of physical attraction in order to have lasting, consummate love. maybe there's something else going on that's making you feel differently? this is tricky, i don't really have any good advice. good luck, and hopefully you won't make any mistakes here that you might regret in the long run.
Yukikazi Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Every non waife reading this is getting a new hope...
Arabella Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Every non waife reading this is getting a new hope... Too funny, and yet so true. Arabella
lilmissgrouchy Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I feel like she deserves someone who is hear over heels attracted to her physically and wants her all the time. I agree. My bf prefers my body shape. He hadn't ever seen a slim woman WITH curves before and got HOOKED. I love showing off my ample boobs and bottom! I have a weakness for bald men. Did he lose his hair? Did he shave his head? I DON'T CARE! To all the thicker women...TRAVEL. Read: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/3429903.stm My point is that standards of beauty differ all over the world. Get in where you fit in!!! To all the bald men... I LOVE YOU, lol! In all seriousness LeSolitaire... Although my bf prefers hour glass figures, if he was single, he would not limit himself to women with my body type. It isn't the most important characteristic for him. Is it for you? Think about this.
Jersey Shortie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 If you are always going to be looking at other girls that more fit your ideal, eventually she is going to pick up on this and it's going to destroy her confidence in you and the relationship. I think you should let her find someone that really finds her exciting and beautiful. And you sould be with someone yourself you find exciting and beautiful. That way you don't need to look online to try to appease yourself.
paddington bear Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 there is a sex therapist/advice-giver in Britain called Tracey Cox (yes I know, appropriate name for her profession). I was watching a programme one night about a couple whose sex life had gone dead. And Ms Cox worked through it with both of them, and tried to make it fun again, made dice with different sexual positions on them which they had to roll and do what the dice said etc. they had to be more sensual and not go through the same motions i.e. first I kiss her neck and then her breasts and then I do this and that, same old same old...And it really worked for a while....but what struck me about this particular show was that although the sex life perked up for a bit after this, it soon died down again. The reason their sex life peaked and fell again was because there was something lacking in the relationship and they subsequently split up. The point was that an unacknowledged lack in the emotional relationship was affecting the sex life rather than the other way around. I know you say she's a keeper, but could this maybe be the case for you that your eyes are wandering to other women because there is some unacknowledged emotional/intimacy lack in the relationship that leaves you unfulfilled - the symptom of which is looking at other women and thus thinking the problem is sex-based when it might not be - maybe you love her too much to admit to yourself that there might be faults there, or feel guilty for thinking that your relationship is not perfect? - I could be way off here, just dropping in something to think about. On a practical note, I also read an article where couples whose sex life had stalled agreed to have sex at least once a day for a month (or more, can't remember), no matter how tired, no matter if they weren't in the mood. And while at first both parties at one point or another thought of it as a chore, it seemed to have tremendous effects on both their sex life and emotional intimacy with one another, particularly on the women who had all got into the habit of not wanting that much sex any more.
bac Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Perhaps, you are not ready yet for a marriage or smth like that. But, who knows, maybe you are ready. You may want to try to have sex on several occasions with other women who you desire while you are still with her. The reason for that is that you want to make sure that you really want a different type of female. Sometimes, sexual fantasies are just fantasies, and when you try the hottest sexual fantasy IRL, you might hate it. So, before leaving your girl, you might want to make sure that you really want what you think you want.
Phateless Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Perhaps, you are not ready yet for a marriage or smth like that. But, who knows, maybe you are ready. You may want to try to have sex on several occasions with other women who you desire while you are still with her. The reason for that is that you want to make sure that you really want a different type of female. Sometimes, sexual fantasies are just fantasies, and when you try the hottest sexual fantasy IRL, you might hate it. So, before leaving your girl, you might want to make sure that you really want what you think you want. While in theory this might sound like a good idea, cheating will do way more harm than good. Looking at porn might not be a bad idea, just to see what happens...?
threebyfate Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I think you should break up with her. You're only dating and if your sex life has gone to pot already, move on.
donnamaybe Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Perhaps, you are not ready yet for a marriage or smth like that. But, who knows, maybe you are ready. You may want to try to have sex on several occasions with other women who you desire while you are still with her. The reason for that is that you want to make sure that you really want a different type of female. Sometimes, sexual fantasies are just fantasies, and when you try the hottest sexual fantasy IRL, you might hate it. So, before leaving your girl, you might want to make sure that you really want what you think you want. If he takes this awful advice, I'm SURE he's not ready for marriage.
stillafool Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Ive been dating a girl for 3 years now and she is amazing. So sweet, genuine, cares about all the right things in life. We have experienced so much together and I consider her my best friend. But the fire has gone from our relationship. I find myself having a hard time being turned on physically by her. Its not that she is unattractive. In fact, she is super attractive. But I have always had a thing for thicker women. I wish it were different and that she turned me on fire, but it's not the case. I find myself constantly looking at other women and thinking about other women. I cant help it. Basically, I am sexually unfulfilled. It is breaking my heart, because while I love her so much, and would never want to hurt her, I feel like she deserves someone who is hear over heels attracted to her physically and wants her all the time. I also dont want to think of myself with her for the rest of our lives constantly having desires for other women. Its gotten to the point where I have to either take the relationship to the next level or end it. I know we will both e devastated for a while if I end it and that may be forcing me to delay what might be inevitable. Should I go with my gut and end it, despite the fact that she is absolutely the sweetest girl Ive ever met and such a keeper. Or should I try to make it work because I have so much invested in the relationship? Im so confused on this, any insight would be so much appreciated. I feel like an ass for having these feelings, but I cant make them go away. Do I sacrifice a great friendship, or live life without the passion I feel should be present in a life long relationship? You are like a lot of guys who want to be seen with the skinny type while lusting for a BBW. I am the thin type and I've had guys like you. Why don't you forget about what society thinks and go for what you really want. Be your own man. If you want a thick girl then to hell what your friends think, get one. But please, let the skinny girl (your current gf) go so she can be free to find true love. Don't be selfish.
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