jnd2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 The question's in the title...but I'm just wondering. Is it because there's barely/no sex in your relationship? Looking for love elsewhere? Just need an escape? Please share... with me, it's just fun sex on the side, only a sexual attraction and nothing more. the only reason for the MM, i'm assuming, is he barely gets any from his W and you can only watch so much porn? lol. anyways, please share....
Brightmoon Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Can't figure out if you are male or female. male I think. The married man I was involved with.. and only emotionally... was looking for married women in the chatroom I was in. He later said that intimate chats and meeting with married women (rather than single) would prevent anyone getting hurt.. or so he thought... famous last words. The stuff hit the fan for him involving one of his married ladies. As a result, he cut off from me too. We had chatted almost daily and very fond of each other. He said he never tried anything with me cos I was single and could potentially get hurt. But we cared about each other a lot. I miss him terribly. But to answer your question, this married man and I enjoyed each other's company. That was all. I was not looking to get involved with married man and he was steering clear of single women. I think we may have got further involved if events had not taken over. We were so fond of each other. He was looking for sex on the side and we stumbled on a friendship that was getting close.
jennie-jennie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) I was in a long-term relationship which did not meet my needs, neither sexually nor emotionally. I had told my SO that I wanted to find a new partner, but had not ended our relationship. Along came a letter from a long lost love, who told me he was happily married. But as it turned out he as well was sexually and emotionally deprived of what he needs, so sparks started to fly, as if our old relationship had just been laying there waiting to be revived again. Edited December 16, 2009 by jennie-jennie
Brightmoon Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I was in a long-term relationship which did not meet my needs, neither sexually nor emotionally. I had told my SO that I wanted to find a new partner, but had not ended our relationship. Along comes a letter from a long lost love, who tells me he is happily married. But as it turns out he as well was sexually and emotionally deprived of what he needs, so sparks start to fly, as if our old relationship had just been laying there waiting to be revived again. That makes an awful lot of sense jennie-jennie. I have seen your posts on here and enjoyed reading them. So it's nice to know how it all started... (not that it is anyone's business...)
Hazyhead Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I was never intending to get into anything, let alone a relationship with a married man. I met him, we sparked instantly and it just... grew (no pun intended), quite rapidly. I was already in a long term relationship and I regret that I cheated for a while, before I ended that relationship as it clearly wasn't right or fair. Now, with hindsight, I can see that my previous relationship was not sexually satisfying, but that's only after sex with the MM, which was just out of this world. It's the damnedest thing when feelings get involved :-/
jennie-jennie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) That makes an awful lot of sense jennie-jennie. I have seen your posts on here and enjoyed reading them. So it's nice to know how it all started... (not that it is anyone's business...) I was naive enough not to understand that there existed men who could not choose, even when they were as in love as my MM is with me. I rather quickly ended my relationship with my SO, but my MM is still sitting on the fence. That was a hard lesson to learn that some men cannot choose. Nice to hear you enjoy my posts! Edited December 16, 2009 by jennie-jennie
Hazyhead Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Exactly my situation too, JJ. Maybe they think they're trying to please everybody, but in effect pleasing nobody, and for those with a conscience (because I believe some do) not even themselves. Women seem to be far better at 'manning up' than men are in these situations!
jennie-jennie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Now, with hindsight, I can see that my previous relationship was not sexually satisfying, but that's only after sex with the MM, which was just out of this world. It's the damnedest thing when feelings get involved :-/ This is exactly what I believe happened with my MM. I think he did not realize what he could have, until he had it with me. Now once he has had a more fulfilling relationship, he wants it in his life. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.
jennie-jennie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Exactly my situation too, JJ. Maybe they think they're trying to please everybody, but in effect pleasing nobody, and for those with a conscience (because I believe some do) not even themselves. Women seem to be far better at 'manning up' than men are in these situations! It does seem that women more often end their prior relationship once they have fallen deeply in love with someone else. I believe this might be because for men their sense of duty and responsibility is more in conflict with their emotions of love than is the case for women.
Hazyhead Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Ditto - again! :-) They're just not so keen on the part where they have to make sacrifices.
Fallen Angel Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 For me, I was exiting a 15 yr long emotionally and physically abusive marriage when an internet friend from years back reinstated contact with me. I did not know he was married, and he never mentioned a wife. By the time I found out about the wife I was in love, he was in love and the affair was already in full swing. I struggled with doing what felt right for my heart, and doing what my head screamed was right. So far, my heart has won the battle, I hope my head gains the upperhand soon... because it is a battle that is waged daily, and the internal conflict is harder for me than anything else. As to his motivations? He always had PA on the side of his M. That is all they were, PAs. ONSs and short term flings. When we renewed our friendship, we never intended to fall in love. He said he had considered a fling with me, but then dismissed it as he fell in love. We never meant to fall emotionally where we did, and I think the whole EA took us both by suprise (him even more than me). By the time our affair became physical, it was already a forgone conclusion that this was different from his past affairs, as he had never developed an emotional attachment to any of his previous OW. But had I known he was married, the whole affair would have never happened, as I would have thrown up the wall that my heart instinctively uses to protect against just such things. He would have never gotten a chance to have ANY kind of affair with me, as I would have squashed it right away. (Which is the reason he says he kept it from me for so long, because he knew it is not my nature to be OW, not even in a strictly emotional, non-physical affair. And he knew he would lose my friendship early on, when it was only he who had romantic love feelings for me, that were not yet reciprocated.)
Lizzie60 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I was a OW at 15 (with my first ex)... back then I was very shy, insecure, I fell hard for this 26 year old man.. anyway.. (I should say I was a OG (other girl) hahaha... Now (since my last ex, 7 years ago), it's for totally different reasons.... mainly for sex... and friendship. I want to remain single... I love my space, so this 'arrangement' is ideal for me.. They know the rules... and they (most) are more than 'happy' with them.. they don't want to leave their family.. so everybody is happy..
Samantha0905 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I was lonely and also becoming an empty nester -- both children left the same summer. They were great conversationalists and my husband -- not so much. I felt we had no intimacy and certainly no sexual attraction and satisfaction was present for me. Perhaps if we had intimacy, the other would be present. I don't know. In any event, my children left in June and by the next February the EA had started and by the following June, the PA.
skylarblue Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I’ve admitted that I typical go after MM just to see if I can get him, but my initial attraction to my MM wasn’t for that reason. It was his job. I have a his “profession obsession”. I didn’t know he was a MM when I started inquiring about him to my friend (who worked with him) a few weeks prior. Nor did I notice his ring when he “playfully” gave me a hug or wrote down my phone number. It wasn’t until he propped his arm in the car door window that I noticed the wedding band and then a wedding photo taped in his open laptop. That’s when the fact that he’s married came into play for me. The moment I saw his ring I even made the comment to him “You’re married. I like that.” I only intended to see him for 3-4months and have a little fun because I was more attracted to his job than M, but over time I became more attracted to his M than job. So for five years I’ve been regularly sleeping with a MM (1-4 times/week) just because I get to high from him being married. As for him, it was opportunity. I’m much younger and attractive than his W. He told me he noticed me long before I did him, never expected to have the opportunity, couldn’t believe I was even interested in him, and couldn’t pass on the thought.
Quixotic Dreamer Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 For me it was a chance meeting (met on a plane) which turned into a fast friendship. We were both married and both claimed to be "happy" in our marriages and would never cheat. We started sharing our stories and discovered that we had a LOT in common (crazy stuff like lactose intolerance, lol) Then the friendship became an emotional affair and very quickly became sexual as well. The sex was mind blowing and amazing. Overall it was a considerably short, but very intense affair. We are currently in the beginning stages of NC, and we working on our marriages, but struggling with letting each other go.
heartbroken1109 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I was naive enough not to understand that there existed men who could not choose, even when they were as in love as my MM is with me. I rather quickly ended my relationship with my SO, but my MM is still sitting on the fence. That was a hard lesson to learn that some men cannot choose. Nice to hear you enjoy my posts! Wow! My situation exactly. Will they ever choose? What makes it so difficult? If you're miserable in your marriage and in love outside of it, is it really beneficial to anyone that you stay?
gopher Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 It does seem that women more often end their prior relationship once they have fallen deeply in love with someone else. I believe this might be because for men their sense of duty and responsibility is more in conflict with their emotions of love than is the case for women. Why do OW end up having affairs with MM, as opposed to single guys. JUst asking because that seems to be the norm here.
minutebyminute Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I'm the married woman that had an affair with a single man. Had he had the balls to be with me, I would be with him right now. F***-er Meaning I was honest with every person in both our(mine & H) families about my love for this person. My affair started off as nothing on my part(SERIOUSLY) had no attraction to him whatsoever. He talked a lot, I listened. I talked and HE listened. Thought he was attractive, but I think a lot of men are more attractive. I started to notice he was noticing me and paying constant attention to me, I haven't really had anyone do that for me in a long time or in some instances ever, and WHAM! (not that easy, time had passed)I tried to play it cool, stay away,(far away) be co-workers, but we crossed the line, only kissing. Then we had sex and it went from there. I have to admit I loved every second of our affair. I miss him to this day, I am angry at him because he is a coward, and I will always wonder what could have been. No need to remark Dex. . .C
White Flower Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Why do OW end up having affairs with MM, as opposed to single guys. JUst asking because that seems to be the norm here. My theory is that most MM stay out of a sense of duty while women (whether M or not) value an emotional connection and will accept it where they can get it. Not all OW are single.
White Flower Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 The question's in the title...but I'm just wondering. Is it because there's barely/no sex in your relationship? Looking for love elsewhere? Just need an escape? Please share... with me, it's just fun sex on the side, only a sexual attraction and nothing more. the only reason for the MM, i'm assuming, is he barely gets any from his W and you can only watch so much porn? lol. anyways, please share.... I was having LOTS of sex in my crumbling M (sex was the last thing to go) and MM was having lots of sex with his multiple OWs when we met. There was a strong and unexplainable connection and a flirtatious friendship began to grow. EA went to PA in about 18 months and although the sex was mind-blowing the love connection was even more magical. I got D'd and D is on his list of things to do. It is so much more than fun sex on the side. It is about a meaningful connection we couldn't find with anyone else.
Author jnd2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 "Why do OW end up having affairs with MM, as opposed to single guys. JUst asking because that seems to be the norm here." Not sure, it just happen with me. I have always known about his W though (when we met they were engaged). I'm not single either though- have been with my BF for just about 5 years. It's the flirting that got me, it just escalated and went from there. Only him though- I have had no desire to be with anyone else. I don't know what it is/was about him.
Hazyhead Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Maybe it's the norm here because you're on 'The Other Woman/Man' forum?
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