Pizzaman81 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 So much like some other people, I date multiple girls at once to get to know them all. But I sit and start thinking about WHY I do it. Let's say I meet girl A, I enjoy spending time together with her. Then I seek and look for girl B and C. Why do I do it? Do I do it to compare and contrast, so I can make a better decision on who is best for me? Do I do it because girl A didn't wow me enough to stop looking? I think the problem with dating is that people too soon get into the habit of being exclusive or feel that they have an obligation to stick with one person in the early stages, even before they become bf/gf. My reason for doing it is to be exposed to a lot of people at once so I know which one is right for me. Because God knows, I've made mistakes in the past which I thought I wanted this aspect of someone and I was wrong... time wasted. But again you can never be 100% sure everything will work out. So why do you date multiple people at once?
tigressA Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I think the problem with dating is that people too soon get into the habit of being exclusive or feel that they have an obligation to stick with one person in the early stages, even before they become bf/gf. This. I'm working on this right now as I'm entering the multi-dating realm. I'm multi-dating right now because while I would like a relationship, I do want to be exposed to different people, be able to experience multiple things at the same time (in my current case, dating younger and older, and of varied ethnic background/culture). I'm meeting people online and while there's one guy I've met in person who I like, there are several other guys I've been in contact with on the site who I'd like to meet but haven't yet. I think it's going to be difficult because the guy I met happens to go to my school and lives on-campus like me, so of course it was easy and convenient to meet. The other guys live further away (approximately 25, 37, and 75 miles away, respectively), so they might want to wait a little while longer before meeting with me. I'm trying to not feel obligated to the one I've already met in person.
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 ...I think it's going to be difficult because the guy I met happens to go to my school and lives on-campus like me, so of course it was easy and convenient to meet. The other guys live further away (approximately 25, 37, and 75 miles away, respectively) Yes, in the past I have gotten into a situation like that. Where I hang out with the one that's closer and more convinient because she was closer. But then now I thought about it, maybe I didn't give the others a better chance. It's a trap! But THIS time... I found a girl who is in the same town. And I am not interested after 2 dates... even though she knows that i am dating others and says "Well, I think i'm NUMBER 1 because I am cuter, funnier and the closest out of all the other girls!" Me thinking "NOT THIS TIME... FATE! I WILL DESTROY YOU, YOU CANNOT FOOL ME AGAIN!" So i'm actually moving further away... not because of her! but it's just a funny coincidence and I can use it to tell funny stories.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I use to multi-date. My reason was that it was just fun. I'd be out there doing my thing and guys would ask me out. I said yes a lot of times just to go out and have more fun. You meet more people and you just keep going. It had nothing to do with love, really... just fun at that time. Today it's different. I don't want to mulit-date anymore. I'm just getting back into the dating scene and will take it one at a time. I just want to get to know the person I'm dating, really. It's about knowing the person now and building a relationship, as opposed to just going out and having fun. Two different mentalities, two different times of my life, two different dating needs... that's all.
D-Jam Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 When I was single, I didn't actively seek out new people when I started seeing someone, but I'd occasionally meet new people and thus give those new people a shot...PROVIDED that I had nothing exclusive established with any of these people (including the first one). I would be honorable about things and not let anything go too far before picking someone. Like I would not sleep with the multiple people behind one another's back. I usually at that point would pick one to pursue. The best rationale of why you should date multiple people when nothing is exclusive is that Person A might turn into someone you didn't want to be with. Maybe a nagger, psycho, creepy, etc...while Person B ends up being the ideal mate. Why toss away opportunity if you're not committed to any of these people. Where it usually goes wrong though are when some try their hardest to keep things non-exclusive for long periods of time and hide that rationale, all in the name of having multiple mates and yet the safety net of "well, we didn't establish exclusivity" when he/she is busted. Frankly, if you need to see someone for months before deciding to pursue things as more or totally exclusive, then it speaks loudly that you either a) Do not want to commit to anyone. b) Are on the fence about this person, and you're keeping him/her around hoping a bigger better deal pops up. c) Are so insecure about ending up in a bad RL that you're using the lengthy non-commitment time as a security blanket so you can run the moment you see one minuscule of a red flag.
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