It happened.......

[Brody]

Anyways, so here's the story. I've been dating my girlfriend for the past 3 years never cheated on her or anything of that sort. Few weeks ago i went for a little get away to another big city with my guy friends. After drinking the whole night and idea coming up of going to a massage parlor for my single friend seemed great. When we got there things got carried away and i received a "full service". The second it was over i felt like a completely piece of garbage which has never left me since. I feel horrible every second of my existence. The guilt is just eating me away. Me and my gf get along very well and things seem to be going towards engagement and if i were to ever tell her it would ruin the relationship. I'm not asking for forgiveness or comments that i should die or anything of that sort. Im just trying to get over the guilt part and i know i will never ever do that or anything of that sort ever again. I'm just not sure if it's gonna get any better in my head and/or how long will it take. What can i do to forget about it or forgive myself, confess at church, therapy from a proffesional, volunteering? Im not sure...all im sure is that i wish i was smarter and more sober at that moment and that im devastated due to my ridiciously immature actions. Also, has anyone else been in the same situation and knows a way of dealing with it. Thanks again

[an hero]

Hi brody. What is a full service- does that mean sex?

 

Anyway, I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I cheated on the love of my life. I got drunk as hell and went clubbing and made out with a girl. My girlfriend was away went it happened, so I had time to stew on my own and let it eat me from the inside out before she got back so I could tell her. I know how painful it is.

 

I think you owe it to her to tell you. This is the type of the thing that will always be weighing you down, infecting your blood and destorying your mind. Do you think she would ever give you a second chance? If you do, you've gotta tell her man.

 

It'll be a long, hard and painful road to get back to where you were, but if you really love her you've gotta constantly be there for her. She might spend alot of time questioning whether or not she wants to be with you, and it will be so damn painful.

 

Never lose hope. Two years later I'm still with the same girl and we are in love.

[Brody]

Thanks a lot for the advice. Yes, full service means sex. However I don't think she would give me a second chance. Plus I would never wanna see her suffer and cry over this. She would be absolutely crushed. I think ill just have to live with my burden and pray one day it will go away and she never finds out. Anyone else with similar experiences??

[FilthMerchant]

Let yourself stew over it a while... that is the worst punishment that can come from it. Tell her, and whatever the outcome there'll be no more stewing, no dread, no uncertainty, nothing eating away at you. Instead you should let your guilt fester!

[Bejita463]

You feel guilty. The way to absolve that guilt is to come clean. You don't want to do that. Why are you here? I am curious what you are looking for. Is it validation? Even if you get it, you will still feel the guilt. No amount of external validation is going to make you feel any better about this.

 

Also, "full service" in a massage parlor is a reference to a hand job or potentially oral. Not full intercourse. Where is this massage parlor, Amsterdam?

[Brody]

I don't think I could tell her something like that. I just can even picture it in my mind. I'd rather make up another reason for a break up rather than tell her that I've cheated on her. Also, does cheating with a high end hooker makes it a bit better than having an affair?

[Bejita463]

Cheating is cheating.

[TheLoneSock]

I don't think I could tell her something like that. I just can even picture it in my mind. I'd rather make up another reason for a break up rather than tell her that I've cheated on her. Also, does cheating with a high end hooker makes it a bit better than having an affair?

 

You're not married, the word affair doesn't apply to you in any way.

 

Also, there is a big difference between full intercourse and a happy ending hand job, so that question needs to be answered.

[AlektraClementine]

I don't know, man. Basically, you are protecting yourself under under the guise of protecting her. That's very selfish and says to me that in your world, you come first, not her. It's like I've heard on here many times..."It's not telling her the truth that will crush her, it's what you did that will crush her".

 

Chances are, she won't stay with you if she knows the truth. What you are doing is taking that choice away from her. You are in essence, making up her mind for her. Plus, you cheated.

 

But, people will do what they want. To answer your question....You will never get over this guilt. No amount of praying, volunteering, ignoring it you try, will ever erase what you did. By telling her, you would at least be showing her a little bit of human decency.

[Bejita463]

Basically, you are protecting yourself under under the guise of protecting her. That's very selfish and says to me that in your world, you come first, not her. It's like I've heard on here many times..."It's not telling her the truth that will crush her, it's what you did that will crush her".

 

Pretty much this.

[Brody]

I'm here to hear from other people's experiences and how they dealt with it. But telling her is not an option at least not yet. I'm looking at what can I do to easy my guilt as much as I can without hurting her by telling her about it.

[RedDevil66]

You're not married, the word affair doesn't apply to you in any way.

Also, there is a big difference between full intercourse and a happy ending hand job, so that question needs to be answered.

 

That is the MOST ridiculous thing I ever heard!

An affair is an affair whether there is a pc of paper or not.

 

Geez!

[AlektraClementine]

You want other people's experiences?

 

OK here's mine. You will get caught. Because of your guilt, you will act funny and she's a woman so she will pick up on it. If she's smart, she'll dig and dig until she finds something. Then you'll have the lying to explain on top of the cheating.

 

You can ignore this all you want but your guilt will not ease.

[Brody]

Thanks again for replies

[AlektraClementine]

I'm looking at what can I do to easy my guilt as much as I can without hurting her by telling her about it.

 

Again, it's not admitting it that will hurt her. You've already committed the act which will hurt her.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Whether you want to face it, or not - the only way you're going to get through is to tell her. Period. End of story. Nothing is going to magically assuage your guilt because you KNOW she deserves to know. Your act was incredibly selfish. To continue to keep it secret is incredibly selfish. You know it's true, or you wouldn't still be feeling guilty. But go on with the denial, dude - you must be getting something from it or you wouldn't keep it up.

[TheLoneSock]

That is the MOST ridiculous thing I ever heard!

An affair is an affair whether there is a pc of paper or not.

 

Geez!

 

Except that piece of paper represents a legal binding, and would need a divorce, lawyers, and lots of time and money to end.

 

So my point stands, it is not an affair and that is fact. It doesn't matter what you think is ridiculous.

[RedDevil66]

Except that piece of paper represents a legal binding, and would need a divorce, lawyers, and lots of time and money to end.

 

So my point stands, it is not an affair and that is fact. It doesn't matter what you think is ridiculous.

 

who cares if represents anything legal, an AFFAIR is when someone cheats on someone they love, period!

Married or not

I was with my ex 11 yrs, (common law) and he had an affair, so because I was not married to him, it was not an affair?

 

Silly!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bejita463]

Actually an affair is a brief romantic or otherwise personal attachment, often used to describe acts of infidelity. If you want to play with words, which seems to be the case here. I see what he is saying, but "affair" is not a term that cannot be used in relationships that do not involve marriage. Technically, that term can be used to describe a relationship in which cheating has not even occurred.

 

Unless I've misunderstood the meaning of the word entirely anyway. However, I do not think that is the case.

[Brody]

Anyone else with experiences....yea the full service meant sexual intercourse. Now say for example that I tell her and then she kick me to the curb and we will both miss out on having a family together with kids and a house and all that stuff. I honestly can't even think of being or dating another girl.

[RedDevil66]

Anyone else with experiences....yea the full service meant sexual intercourse. Now say for example that I tell her and then she kick me to the curb and we will both miss out on having a family together with kids and a house and all that stuff. I honestly can't even think of being or dating another girl.

 

But it's not about you anymore, you lost your right to have all that with her. It's her choice if she wants to be with you because you cheated.

 

This is a tough one because people do make mistakes, but not sure how much of a mistake this was. I can understand making out etc, but unless you were unconscience, how can you have intercourse.

 

The good side, you feel guilty, most people don't feel guilty, so I don't think you would ever cheat on her again.

 

Did you get tested for std's?

[insecureeeyep]

She has the right to know. If you were the one who was cheated on, wouldn't you like to know? You need to be tested and so does she. Putting her health at risk is horribly selfish. Second of all, you MUST tell her. The longer you wait to tell her, the more it's going to hurt her and the less chance you're going to get of getting back together with her. You did a foolish thing and now you should pay the consequences for it like an adult. Hiding it away and lying to your girlfriend will only make it worse. She deserves and has the right to know what happened.

[Dexter Morgan]

Im just trying to get over the guilt part and i know i will never ever do that or anything of that sort ever again.

 

dont even say you will never do that ever again...you did it once, you can do it again.

 

maybe weekend drinking getaways with the guys should be out of the question from now on...hmmm? you clearly can't handle them and be in a committed relationship at the same time.

 

Having said that, you should tell your gf. she deserves honesty and the truth, otherwise you have no relationship.

 

and if you dont have the guts to tell her, then just deal with the guilt. but I highly doubt you'll be guilt ridden for long...especially if you simply want to get away with it.

 

 

What can i do to forget about it or forgive myself, confess at church, therapy from a proffesional, volunteering?

 

no, you come clean with your girlfriend and let her make decisions about her life and whether she wants to continue with, or not want to waste any more time with someone that would do this behind her back.

[Dexter Morgan]

Thanks a lot for the advice. Yes, full service means sex. However I don't think she would give me a second chance.

 

actually, if you know she wouldn't give you a 2nd chance, that is all the MORE reason to tell her. Because otherwise you would only be keeping your mouth shut for your own selfish outcome and desires, and you would be robbing her of making decisions about her life and how to live it.

[Dexter Morgan]

I don't think I could tell her something like that. I just can even picture it in my mind. I'd rather make up another reason for a break up rather than tell her that I've cheated on her. Also, does cheating with a high end hooker makes it a bit better than having an affair?

 

well if you are too scared to give her the respect she deserves in coming clean, then you need to refrain from partying.

 

if you don't want to refrain from partying, since you clearly can't handle it, then maybe you just need to break up with her so she can find someone who won't do this to her.