I have a chance here! Can i get some insight?

[H0rn3t920]

Hey everyone! Im looking for some info here. I would love it if i could get your opinions. Its alot, but alot needs to be told. Well here it goes!

 

Me and my ex went on a break around the beginning of september. We were going out for 1 1/2 years and we were really happy, but we were arguing alot, and I was loosing interest in the relationship. On this break, i made alot of changes. Since she was my first relationship, i never really commited myself. And i would argue about stupid things alot. That had to change as well. I was working very hard on making an improvement. However i might have been a little bit too overwhelming and pushy towards her. At times when it didnt seem like she was working to improve herself, i would confront her about it and sometimes get a little annoyed. One night, i asked her what she was doing and she told me, but then on facebook, she was in a video showing that she was doing something else and i got really annoyed at her. I confronted her and it turned out i was wrong, and she got very upset with me. The next day, she said she didnt want a boyfriend right now. It hit me hard, but i acted the wrong way so i saw this coming.

 

She still wanted to hang out though. So we did, and when we did hang out, it seemed like she was holding some of her feelings back. I told her that was not a good idea because we would get nowhere and she agreed. I felt that I was the only one really trying to spend time with her. It made me feel bad and confused. However, there were some weird things that kinda confused me. First, she said she was not going to go with any other dude. She said she had no interest in doing so, regardless what would happen. at one point, i asked her if she missed having sex and she said yes, followed by "just wait though." meaning like shes coming back at some point? Idk. Well that was a while back. It seemed like she was giving me the wrong idea sometimes so i asked her, do you have feelings for me anymore? and she said no. that was a hard hitter too, but i went on with things.

 

Before i continue, let me just say that my ex is not seeing anyone, and she doesnt hae any interest to. I know that for a fact. She is the most honest and respectable person i know. When she says something, she means it, however there are times where SHE doesnt even know how she feels, and assumes things that arent always right. I know this is weird, but its always how she has been. When she said that she didnt have any feelings for me, i immedietely questioned it. She had such strong feelings for me not long ago so where did those go? Not going into denial here or anything, but i KNEW that something wasnt necessarally right. Something was not adding up.

Here is what i thought was going on. My ex is currently in college, and has ALOT on her plate currently. She busy all the time, she has alot of school work, works 2 jobs, and her leftover time she spends with her friends (which isnt that much). I figured that since she was busy all the time, and her feelings for me were pretty weak, her mind was occupied with other things most of the time. Since she was busy all the time, and she probally didnt think of me that much anymore, she figured that she didnt have any feelings for me anymore. But I wasnt about to go ask her about that. She needs to figure things out on her own.

 

Then came the time where it was becomming too much for me to handle. So i decided to do NC. Before thanksgiving break, i wrote her a letter and dropped it off at her house. She was coming home the next day and she would get it then. I also deleted her off facebook and skype so i would not be able to see what she was doing because i knew i would. I didnt figure that she would go check my facebook until the next day because she doesnt really care much about me right? Well she did and she started to panic after she saw i was ignoring her. Left me crying messages on my phone, and turns out she could not sleep at all that night. She got the letter and was really annoyed because it just said we needed time off, no real reason. She thought i had sex with someone else. I thought that if she thought that, then she would probally just drift farther away during NC. I paniced, and gave her a call same day. We decided to meet the next day for lunch.

 

We met, and she explained that she wanted me to be very open with her from now on because she would always be there for me. I was very emotional during the whole lunch and told her alot of things straight from the heart. And to my suprise, it was working! i was really confused, but she was admiring everything i had to say. Me and her both agreed that from her reaction to NC and me ignoring her, it was quite obvious that feelings were still there on her end. At one point she said she had something to tell me and then she stopped her self and refused to say it. I didnt think much of it at the time. During a majority of the day, she kept leaning into me like as if she were about to kiss me but then immeditely pull back and giggle a tiny bit. I was like eh whatever. So we went back to my house and slept on the couch together cuddling. Then when she was about to leave, she leaned into me like she was about to kiss me again, and then pulled back. I asked her why wont she do it and she gave a dumb excuse of bad breath. So i grabbed her and kissed her and she loved it. I actually pulled away after a few seconds because i didnt want to be overbearing but she pulled me back in. And then she left. Later that night she texted me saying the thing she didnt want to say to me was that she really wanted to kiss me at that time.

 

So that whole weekend she was home, we hung out pretty much everyday. And every day, we were so compassionate towards each other. Just like we were when we were going out. She would kiss me, cuddle me, and i was happy. We both were. At one point i asked her why we were being so kissy and she said "we are making up for lost time." Well eventually we went back to school. And then things seemed like they returned to the same way they were before she came home. This bothered me a little bit. She did add this quote to her facebook from a song. Im 95% sure it relates to us, no exaggeration.

 

" I'm so sick of waiting for your apologies to get the best of me, to get the best of you. No. Don't wanna do it without you and after all we've been through. Don't give me a reason to doubt you. Be honest kid I know you want it. Can't say I didn't warn you...Don't let your doubts get the best of you. Saying things are certain would be certainly untrue. And I'll be sitting, waiting, wishing, anticipating, thinking, hoping things would work out like it should. I'm not ready for the truth. Don't back down and see this through."

 

I felt good, but as the quote says, i let my doubts get the best of me. I couldnt figure out how she was feeling and there were times where she would act weird like she wouldnt want to hang out. I would confront her about it, and it would turn out that she would only not be able to hang out because she was busy with schoolwork, nothing else. I would feel really bad everytime i would confront her about it cause i would always get proved wrong. I would get really upset infront of her because i would feel bad that i thought she just didnt want to hang out with me when that wasnt the case. But truthfully, there would be no way to tell the difference unless i confronted her. She eventually brought up that she was tired of me always asking her questions when i know how she feels already. I told her that she was flip flopping around between how she feels and its hard to figure her out. She said that she didnt know if she wanted a relationship right now, and i told her i respect that very much, but its extremely hard to tell if you have feelings for me or not. Especially because they show up sometimes, and sometimes they dont! Idk whats going on and im curious! I want things to get done right and if i feel like something is going wrong, i want to know so i can fix it! Eventually she agreed with me, but I realized i was way too tense. So last saturday, i said lets do NC so i can cool off during our finals and also so we can do our work effectively. She was kinda annoyed because she didnt want to go without talking to me. Finals end next tuesday for her, and we were only planning on keeping this NC until we are both done with school which is next tuesday.

 

So this christmas break I might have a shot here to get her back as a GF. I am thinking that i just need to be cool and act normal. As long as i dont break down, we should be fine? We have some things planned like going to see the christmas tree in times square just me and her. What do you guys think? Do you guys think i have a shot? Any suggestions on what to do and what not to do? Thanks!

Edited December 16, 2009 by H0rn3t920

[H0rn3t920]

To be honest, my real question is this. Because i feel like this Christmas break is the only real time im going to get to spend with her for a while, i feel like this is my only shot at being able to get something done for quite a long time. Should I just hang out with her and we should enjoy each others company and hope that the time we spend together she will enjoy so much that she will come to her senses? Or should i talk to her about where we should go now and what we should be pursuing? I know she has feelings for me, but does not know if she wants a relationship now. Would it be better to talk about it and figure out what should be done or to just go with what we feel?

[McGrupp]

Or should i talk to her about where we should go now and what we should be pursuing?

 

dont do that. act like the dude she fell in love with. keep it light and sweet and have fun. nothing else you can do