flower3 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 In a nutshell - I have been living with my boyfriend for about 9 years out of our 10 year relationship. Over the past year we have been experience a lot of rough patches in our relationship where we get into arguements, with him getting mad over the smallest things starting them. This week he got mad over a phone me not canceling our cable service and for once I held my own and talked back to him and didn't give in to his demands. He didn't like it one bit and stormed off. He got even more pissed and walked out. He later came back, said it was over and moved out all of his items out of our house. He has not made contact since. He has been hanging out lately with friends who I suspect are partiers, that use drugs but he always denied the drug use. But he has been broke a lot and short tempered with me over the past year. He refuses to answer my emails or calls to try and work this out so I guess it is "over". I don't know what to do. I've been with him so long I feel sad and the way he left was so erratic/ on a whim that I just can't see him throwing away 10 years of our relationship over a stupid dispute. Any advice? It hurts a lot that he doesn't give me enough respect to talk it out and if he needs to end things, end it in a way where he is civil and says it over out of his mouth.
LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Sorry, NO breakup is neat and tidy. One or the other didn't want to part so it is always a mess. I know a decade is a very long time to be with someone. What you must do right now is to think of how the relationship really was going during the last few months or so. Analyze changes of behavior and attitude on both your parts. Unfortunately, the hurt is going to happen, trust me that I know. But what you can't do is beg and plead for an explanation from him. What explanation CAN he give that'll make you say, "Oh Thank you! Now we can move on with our lives separately." Doesn't matter why, he LEFT you. He jumped off the team. But, If he does return, whether by text, call or just plain comes by the house, by all means...talk. Not argue. Not accuse. But talk about what you both really want. You're worthy of real love and someone who can be honest with you in a relationship. Not someone who picks fight night to turn a cowardly heel and run.
Author flower3 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 thanks for the advice. the hardest part is the length of time we were together...it is hard to erase that many years of my life and forget about him easily. it is also hard to digest how it all went down and he was out of my life in a blink. ive noticed he has became a lot more irritable over the smallest things and kept dogging me about my feelings, weight, how i talked, what i bought, my friends, etc. it is like he wanted to pick fights with me over everything you could think of. somedays he would walk in the door and immediately criticize about something without me even saying a word. he wasn't like this before. i think drugs has a lot to do with it because of his personality change and he would spend his money instantly and never give me anything to pay our rent, bills and so forth. i paid for everything. he would spend all his money but there is nothing to account for - no new clothes, no new anything for himself in the house. i just want him to face me and show me some respect for our relationship. if he needs to break up, atleast be a man about it and not just leave me hanging.
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