slamina Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 My ex just came on msn. Told me she is actually seeing someone else, after professing that she wasnt looking to be with a guy for 2/3 years. The inevitable has finally happend. She broke up with me 3 months ago initially because she tought things were getting too serious. Then some douche comes along and "listened to her and helped her". I'm soo hurt. After I heard the news, I was sick instantly and since then have spent 4 hours crying. Why would she tell me this news. I was doing fine until this. Now I feel like I'm back to square one. But the thing that really annoys me is that...there was really no need for her to just come out of the blue and tell me...its like shes purposefully doing this to break my heart over and over again... Help me guys, please, help me
Kantor Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Not cool =( Sorry man, I know your hurting. You'll have to look at this is the REAL end, no chance what so ever of getting back together. Therefore, today is DAY ONE of the rest of your life. Go complete NC and block her on everything you can. Out of sight out of mind, remember the steps you took to get better and repeat them. Were all here for you!
Eisenhower Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) I've got a slightly different take on it ... my ex (who dumped me several months ago) had been stringing me along all year with the "I don't want to be in a relationship right now with anyone" line. Turns out she's been seeing someone for a couple months at least but straight up lying to me that she wasn't ... just to keep me on the string I guess. At least your ex was "man" enough to tell you the truth, as much as it hurts - and believe me, I know it hurts. I'm sorry, man. Eisenhower Edited December 16, 2009 by Eisenhower
LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Your ex is like mine...wants to brush their insane egos. It's like they are an immature 7 year old kid saying, "I have a sweetheart...nah nah nu nah nah!" What benefit did she think you would get out of it? The reaction you are having now...sorrow. PLEASE, for the love of God, go NC on this one. She sounds like she wants you in her life as a distant back up plan. If she really didn't care, she would have left you alone and moved on with this new guy.
Author slamina Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Just woke up, feelin pretty groggy. But my mind is now clearer. Here's how I see it now. I've hit rock bottom. The situation has hit rock bottom. Short of voldemort killing both of my parents, there is little to make it even worse for me. Its like what I'm scard of has happened, so there's nothing else to be scared about. This is it, rock bottom. Surely things can only get better for me? The other thing which I find will help me is anger...to which I think that my ex is a unconsiderate bitch, why would she just tell me that out of the blue...there was no good reason for me to find out. I NC'ed but I still managed to find out. I mean, what did she think I was gonna say 'yeah ,sure, sounds great...you two have a good time'. Really? What dya think guys?
Kic Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I mean, what did she think I was gonna say 'yeah ,sure, sounds great...you two have a good time'. Really? What dya think guys? She was stroking her ego. Your response, whatever it was, is irrelevant from a practical standpoint - the only purpose of a response would be to boost her ego even more, not to solve a problem or make a decision. Her "[he] listened to her and helped her" comment has rebound written all over it. She is weak to her emotions and fell for rebound talk. She contacted you and the damage is done. No reason to dwell on it and time will help the emotions pass. Try to get back to NC ASAP and focus on yourself again.
Author slamina Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Any other thoughts guys, because this does really help me.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 So sorry I know how I would/will feel when this happens, I dread it, I imagine it will make me feel ill, I totally understand how you must be feeling. I have asked my ex to let me know if he starts seeing someone, so I don't bump into them first or hear it from the gossips. I won't be able to avoid it as I live in a very small town. Ugh. Well if I do see them maybe I'll barf ON them:sick: But if your ex has told you and you didn't want to know then that is her rubbing salt in the wound, just cruel. Keep posting here. You're not alone in how you feel believe me. My ex just came on msn. Told me she is actually seeing someone else, after professing that she wasnt looking to be with a guy for 2/3 years. The inevitable has finally happend. She broke up with me 3 months ago initially because she tought things were getting too serious. Then some douche comes along and "listened to her and helped her". I'm soo hurt. After I heard the news, I was sick instantly and since then have spent 4 hours crying. Why would she tell me this news. I was doing fine until this. Now I feel like I'm back to square one. But the thing that really annoys me is that...there was really no need for her to just come out of the blue and tell me...its like shes purposefully doing this to break my heart over and over again... Help me guys, please, help me
HeavenOrHell Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Exactly, this is rock bottom, the worst has happened, so it can only get better Use that anger to help yourself move forward, don't waste time on someone who is inconsiderate like that. She probably wants you to be jealous, gives her an ego boost and a power trip. Nice Just woke up, feelin pretty groggy. But my mind is now clearer. Here's how I see it now. I've hit rock bottom. The situation has hit rock bottom. Short of voldemort killing both of my parents, there is little to make it even worse for me. Its like what I'm scard of has happened, so there's nothing else to be scared about. This is it, rock bottom. Surely things can only get better for me? The other thing which I find will help me is anger...to which I think that my ex is a unconsiderate bitch, why would she just tell me that out of the blue...there was no good reason for me to find out. I NC'ed but I still managed to find out. I mean, what did she think I was gonna say 'yeah ,sure, sounds great...you two have a good time'. Really? What dya think guys?
DustySaltus Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Slamina, sorry you had to go through this. All I can say is Karma is a b****. Her ego is going to be her downfall. She seems like a textbook case of someone who will pop up a year from now when you are happily with someone else, not even thinking about them and they say..."I made a HUGE mistake". She had NO class at all. I mean a breakup is hard enough but when things like this go down you should realize that its got to be a blessing in disguise. So often in a relationship we fall in love with someone at the honeymoon phase and then their true colors come out. We still think of them as that person during the initial phase but it's not who they really are. There's no reason for her to do something like this besides her trying to satisfy her own ego. You don't need and deserve that. You deserve a stronger, classier woman without a doubt. Don't contact her, block her from everything and just realize that this was the best thing that could happen to you.
sean1970 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Were you NC prior to this? If so, how long?
Author slamina Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Thanks guys for the replies, esp you dusty, cheers man. For the record Ive been NC 3 months now, v. limited contact, only initiated by her. I was getting along fine until this bomb was dropped. It was what I feared the most. Its now happened, so like I said, I'm only looking forward to things getting better and better. Aside, do any of you guys believe in god? I dont pray often, but the night before this happened I prayed for strength to get through this mess, and I prayed for things to get better for me and for me to meet someone that truly loves me. Instead this happens. Its like he's not listening to me and doesnt care. Oh man...what a week...
DustySaltus Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Aside, do any of you guys believe in god? I dont pray often, but the night before this happened I prayed for strength to get through this mess, and I prayed for things to get better for me and for me to meet someone that truly loves me. Instead this happens. Its like he's not listening to me and doesnt care. Oh man...what a week... It's funny you mentioned this. A week before my Ex-fiance and I broke up I went to a place in Israel called the "wailing wall" which is probably the most spiritual place on earth. I mean, I went up to this wall without being religious and I definetly felt something when I touched it. I prayed to god that my ex and I would always be together and work through all of our problems. EVERYTHING fell apart in the next week and I came back to America (look at my old posts if you want to see the hell i went through) not believing in ANYTHING. What have I learned? Sometimes the best prayers are the ones that go UNANSWERED. It takes time to realize it, but there is a plan for all of us. And whether you believe in god or not, always believe in that. Edited December 16, 2009 by DustySaltus
Author slamina Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 I feel for ya man, how long were you with your ex for? Buddy, I don't even want my ex back (I dont think so anyway), but it just tears me apart that all the intimate things we did together shes doing it right now with that guy, while I've been silently drowning in my loneliness, I mean why won't anyone come and 'help me and listen to me'? Where is my piece of pie I want to shout out. Anyway, its a comforting thought, what you mentioned, that there is a plan for us all, and all hopefully will end up well. Most of all, we dont understand why this pain is happening now and what (better things) will come of it. Its like the lines in good riddance (green day) that goes: 'its not a question but a lesson learned in time, its something unpredictable and in the end its right, I hope you had the time of your life'. Makes me tear up just thikning about it. Anyway, I got my state medical boards next month, bad timing huh? Im scared itll impact on my studying and I just wanna pass safely....
Bulldozed Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Any other thoughts guys, because this does really help me. My advice, as this is all too familiar with my situation. My ex and I took a "break" blahblahblah....a few wks later she's hooking up with her friends ex-husband. Classic rebound, as that's been her pattern. The Grass is rarely ever greener on the other side. Make a list of any and all "red flags" you chose to ignore during your time together. Dig deep and learn from them. Apply them to your future relationships, there will be more, I assure you. It's incredibly painful when you realize she's with him. It's actually worse than grieving a death, as death is final, but her, she's still living her life, playing games with you. I pretty much slammed the door on my situation in a very heated email. lean on your friends and family, but do try to focus on yourself and what made you happy before you met her...that person is still there. You just need some time.
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