LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I often wonder if when a person wants to break NC and contact their ex, is it that they want to truly have closure and move on OR another chance to get back with their ex? I will lay down in my bedroom in the very quiet of the night and seriously think...and I ALWAYS think, "I wish I had him back..the way he WAS!" Even though we still work together, I miss him. I miss our alone time together. But he is not the same man....not even close. I recognize it is over for good because he is even all too glad to leave for Afghanistan just to "get away from his current fiancee'"(his words). He just can't be an adult in any kind of relationship. So,do you honestly just want to find out why the break happened, remain friends, or hope they change their mind and want you back?
curiousnycgirl Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 No question I want him to have an epiphany, realize what he's lost - and figure out how to make it work! I've tried everything I can to make it work - unfortunately he never met me even a little bit.
Kantor Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 No question I want him to have an epiphany, realize what he's lost - and figure out how to make it work! I've tried everything I can to make it work - unfortunately he never met me even a little bit. Can you talk to my ex, please! I wish she thought this, but each scenario is different. I've done all this work on bettering myself to try to better what used to be "us" and she won't have it. I can't believe like a switch she can just flick off her love and feelings of 4 years, even if I messed up.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Yeah, it's not to say our exes are the only troubled ones or anything but if they were the dumpers, then obviously something inside of them felt that leaving was the right option to whatever they felt was broke. Because my ex yin and yangs about his feelings toward me...I had to make the decision for him in my heart. He CAN'T come back. I can't let him have the opportunity to hurt me one-more-day.
USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I realized I had all the closure I would ever need the day she decided we had to go our separate ways...but I still want to get back together with her...I probably will for a long time...
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 I realized I had all the closure I would ever need the day she decided we had to go our separate ways...but I still want to get back together with her...I probably will for a long time... Hey USMCHokie. Of course, there's a tiny part of me that feels the same way but I recognize that to have my ex back would mean that I'd be getting the man he has become...and I don't like him. Think of how realistic it would be that if you did get back together, would you have the same problems, could you trust that she'd stay this time?
Arabella Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 It's been three weeks of NC with him, and I haven't even dared ask myself this. What do I truly want? I want him to get medicated for his BPD so he can be happy again and be the same guy I fell in love with so many months ago, so we could finally have a shot at a successful relationship. But that's not going to happen. He doesn't care enough about me, or for that matter himself. And even if he was willing, at this point I simply cannot do it anymore. It's too late for us. So, what I realistically want... is for him and I to be friends, and have fun together the way we used to, and for us both to find happiness with people who can give it to us. Will I get what I want? Magic 8 Ball says... "Don't count on it." *Sigh* Arabella
USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Hey USMCHokie. Of course, there's a tiny part of me that feels the same way but I recognize that to have my ex back would mean that I'd be getting the man he has become...and I don't like him. Think of how realistic it would be that if you did get back together, would you have the same problems, could you trust that she'd stay this time? You have a very good point, but unlike you, I have not seen or talked to her in almost 3 months...I don't know who she has become, if she has even changed at all, either for better or worse...but I know that I did fall in love with her character and values...things that a person never loses... Some of the problems stemmed from me lagging way behind her in relationship maturity...she's been in a couple long term relationships while I haven't...it took me this one and LS to really learn how things work and rid myself of the fairy tale romance attitude... As far as getting back together with her, I don't know if it'd work again...because I don't know how she feels or what she thinks anymore...my trust was rattled from the breakup, so again, I don't really know how I'd feel...I guess thinking about it is pretty pointless if I know she doesn't want me back in her life...
Kantor Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Because my ex yin and yangs about his feelings toward me...I had to make the decision for him in my heart. He CAN'T come back. I can't let him have the opportunity to hurt me one-more-day. Can you describe more? We sound like were in the same boat, perhaps we can help each other understand each side.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 It's been three weeks of NC with him, and I haven't even dared ask myself this. What do I truly want? I want him to get medicated for his BPD so he can be happy again and be the same guy I fell in love with so many months ago, so we could finally have a shot at a successful relationship. But that's not going to happen. He doesn't care enough about me, or for that matter himself. And even if he was willing, at this point I simply cannot do it anymore. It's too late for us. So, what I realistically want... is for him and I to be friends, and have fun together the way we used to, and for us both to find happiness with people who can give it to us. Will I get what I want? Magic 8 Ball says... "Don't count on it." *Sigh* Arabella Very realistic. We felt so much love with our exes and yet, they or even us...dropped the ball. More devastating is that there are people out in this wold who had an ex who were loving one day and the next, getting somebody pregnant or sleeping with their best friend and not giving a sh*t that they did. Yet, some of these people are so desperate to have what's familiar, they go back to that kind of awful person anyway. Maybe our exes aren't quite that bad but they surely know we are hurt and they decided in the business of love, we are fired from their company.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Can you describe more? We sound like were in the same boat, perhaps we can help each other understand each side. Oh yes. My ex left for Vegas a couple of months back only to return telling me that he "just wasn't into our relationship anymore." That hurt, of course. But really turned this breakup into a circus was when he said he was engaged to an ex-Vegas escort he known for a grand total of 2 weeks! We work together unfortunately and I had to hear him woo and coo her long distance over the phone. Trouble was, just DAYS later, this jerk asks if I will wait for him...WHEN he decided to break up with her! More lunacy? Well, he talks garbage about how she texts him 50x a day, nags, begs for him to send money and demands he call her within 2 minutes of her contacting him. All the while repeatedly saying that he feels we are still meant to be together(?) Now, he's going back to Afghanistan in January and has told everyone under the sun how happy he will be to be with is troop again and get away from his smothering fiancee'. He's even dumped an ex years before me when he went over seas before...just so he doesn't have to worry about her cheating(his words.) So see, my ex is a nutcase.
Kantor Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Oh yes. My ex left for Vegas a couple of months back only to return telling me that he "just wasn't into our relationship anymore." That hurt, of course. But really turned this breakup into a circus was when he said he was engaged to an ex-Vegas escort he known for a grand total of 2 weeks! We work together unfortunately and I had to hear him woo and coo her long distance over the phone. Trouble was, just DAYS later, this jerk asks if I will wait for him...WHEN he decided to break up with her! More lunacy? Well, he talks garbage about how she texts him 50x a day, nags, begs for him to send money and demands he call her within 2 minutes of her contacting him. All the while repeatedly saying that he feels we are still meant to be together(?) Now, he's going back to Afghanistan in January and has told everyone under the sun how happy he will be to be with is troop again and get away from his smothering fiancee'. He's even dumped an ex years before me when he went over seas before...just so he doesn't have to worry about her cheating(his words.) So see, my ex is a nutcase. Ok our cases are nothing alike - HAHA!
tryagaintoday Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I just want her to frigging sell our apartment and give me back my share. Else I'm gonna do it come this Jan....
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Good going! At least you just want your stuff back!
grfins Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Very realistic. We felt so much love with our exes and yet, they or even us...dropped the ball. More devastating is that there are people out in this wold who had an ex who were loving one day and the next, getting somebody pregnant or sleeping with their best friend and not giving a sh*t that they did. Yet, some of these people are so desperate to have what's familiar, they go back to that kind of awful person anyway. Maybe our exes aren't quite that bad but they surely know we are hurt and they decided in the business of love, we are fired from their company. Business of love. Unique way of putting it. If a sensible company were to look at a marriage contract they would not enter into it to begin with.
LikeABirdWhoFlew Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 But really turned this breakup into a circus was when he said he was engaged to an ex-Vegas escort he known for a grand total of 2 weeks! Once an escort ALWAYS an escort. This guy (your EX) is an absolute fool for falling in love with someone who "was" an escort. What a joke he has become!
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 Business of love. Unique way of putting it. If a sensible company were to look at a marriage contract they would not enter into it to begin with. Exactly. I just want a relationshi[p where both of us has our stuff together in our head first. We all carry an excessive amount of baggage these days.
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