Wicker_Parked Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Question guys, how long has it take for you guys and gals to get back on your feet and start to feel good, a question to dumpees. I was dumped begged, pleaded, chased, she did in return as well. I recently went into no contact for about 5 weeks and while at work i ran into my Ex. I said hi and the next day i and thereafter i fought the urge to contact her forever after i held off, she called me 3 days later to say it was good to see me and that she wants to call me for xmas and do somethings we used to do, i was cordial and agreed. But i have lost somewhat the urge to chase her now and feel everytime i hold off from sending and email, calling or texting that the next time something happens it is easier to shrug it off as something of a reoccuring event. I was going to send her an text saying it was nice of her to call and see she is doing great, but that is just too much effort now for someone i dont really know or care to, that i have pushed out of my head for a month. And even though i should ask her out for a coffee i did not so because before 5 weeks of no contact she rejected my trying to hang out, its too much effort i feel now
adamt Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 probably after 5 months, i was straight into NC when we split up. Started dating after 5 months and now after 7 months since break up found someone i like so hoping we can become more than just dating. a lot depends on if you stick to NC and what you do to keep yourself busy at the same time.
skydiveaddict Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 wicker: I wouldn't chase her around. She didn't need to tell you about her new b/f. She knows you're still hurting over her, why tell you things she knows will hurt? She's being cruel in my opinion. I would do the NC thing until you can heal up some. A girl just got done smashing my heart to bits a couple of months ago, and I went NC. no calls, no texts no facebook .... It's difficult but I think it's fastest way to fix a broken heart
NoneoftheAbove Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 3 months of hell day and night, here i am i made it through and happy again.
DustySaltus Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 This is a tough question to answer because you have your good days and bad days. I had days where I felt like I was just an empty sould wandering to and from work with nothing on my mind except her. Then the next week I'd go out with 5 different women and think I was back, only to realize that I wasn't nowhere near it.... I still have these days (much more good than bad) 5 and a half months to the day that we broke up. I've only been NC for about 2 months with one, bachelor party weekend drunk email at 3am, that probably shouldn't even count (mid november). If I would've done as Adamt did above I would be much further along. I'm dating someone else now too, but I don't see it as anymore than a fling. And those days that I am talking about....if my EX decides she wants to call on one of my weaker days, who knows if I would pick up the phone? So am I fully healed yet, probably not.
JL911 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Man, Havent we all been there....Its really hard to say because most of the recovery really has to do with the image you have of yourself....If prior to your relationship you were deflated with a poor self image and then relied on a person (or relationship) to inflate your ego and self image, the obvious happens when that relationship ends. A person must be able to see there is good inside of them. Whether you are an honest person, loyal, trustworthy, or funny, good looking, good hearted, generous, ect ect... you need to look at all of your positives and not look at the negatives, as we are all flawed. When my ex and I got together I had a life that didnt really require a woman in it. However I did grow accustomed to having her around and there for me. When it ended after almost 4 years it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and a big knife was thrown into my back. It hurt, it hurt a ton...but looking at the big picture sometime after all the shock and awe of the situation settled I saw how I was treating this person, and in return saw how I was being treated and it was quite unfairly...It was then when I saw myself as a desirable male with plenty of good qualities that many good looking ladies would literally fight over, and I was right. I dated, saw some people...Even ended up in a FWB position that was a lot of fun, but it just was not exactly what I was looking for. Then I met my current gf and while things have been far from perfect, it definatly is a better relationship than the one I exited...We are just in the process of getting comfortable with one another.. I at times wonder what would have happened had I married my ex, because I was really damn close...I think it would have been disasterous and even more of a mess...
DustySaltus Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 It was then when I saw myself as a desirable male with plenty of good qualities that many good looking ladies would literally fight over, and I was right. Was it like a "flavor of love" style fight or did you give them actual boxing gloves?
McGrupp Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 i think ive finally gotten back on my feet by realizing a lot of JL is saying. after the breakup it was like everything i had ever been insecure about in my life ever suddenly popped up. now i was ugly, poor, a loser, worthless. its when i realized i wasnt being treated fair in the relationship and also that i was stagnant in my life and that this can be a huge catalyst that i realized i can get up. it hurts, it still hurts, but ya know, im ****ing awesome. tell yourself that. and its their loss. **** em
Author Wicker_Parked Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) My Ex spent 7 years chasing me, i was definately independant before she came into my life, but when she did she immersed herself, my beach lifestyle, my crazy rocker friends, the beautiful people i knew, random chaos. I got bloated, comfortable, overweight, she had issues and left for someone younger, more sculpted and discovered that it was not as great as it seemed. Yet she now realised it was more about connections on a spiritual and physical level to put, we got on and had way more fun than she ever did in her life, she admitted to leaving me for not 1 but 2 other guys but came running back when she realised that she left everything she ever asked for and that it was just not working out with the others...They just didnt have a connection, ha they must of, she slept with one of them i would call that connection lol She was young (21) and simply got the 'grass is greener' syndrome. The thing is even though i may not be young or sculpted on that level, i have all the other things that ticked her boxes, as she said 'the looks and personality' At least i have one other trick up my sleeve...So in that case I will work on myself now to get to where i once was before this whole train wreck, hit the gym hard, travel, date, hotter women. She wont get another chance, if she is so shallow to leave me for some or should i say multiple douches then i will work just as hard to get to that level and hold it against her, that she had her shot and blew it! JL is right in so many ways, i have made a mental list about everthing bad in our relationship, and everything unnatractive about her, every little thing she did to break me, but not destroy me. Edited December 17, 2009 by Wicker_Parked
JL911 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Getting over a break up is getting over yourself more than the person who left...You need to establish a good self image of yourself at all times...Understand that you are amazing and that this person should also be kissing your feet in return for your good heart... Its amazing how in the end the one dumped loses sight of all of their good qualities and literally almost gives up all hope...I should know Ive been there myself. However you rise from the ashes stronger, more independant, with a better understanding of what to do differently when the next oppertunity presents itself...From what I have found, in most cases things get progressivly better with each opportunity... Hang in there, youre not the only one going though the **** storm...
Zeegagge Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 A few years back I was in a relationship that only lasted 4 months. I fell in love her in that time though and when she left it was hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Took me 7-8 months to get over that and I only felt better when things started going well with a new girl I was dating. I dated some other girls in the mean time but it only helped when the right girl came along. Now she's left me and I'm back to being down. Not as bad as before though. I think every time you go through it you get a little stronger and it hurts a little less. I suppose I'm just looking for the next right girl then. I've really got to stop blaming myself for things. This is hard because she has someone new now and I can see that they connect in all the ways that we didn't connect. They love to go out and drink and dance, something I had grown out of when we were together. They have a great banter, something she always complained about when we were together. There's other examples. I shouldn't care so much but I do. I'm justifying all of this to myself by remembering that we had some god times too. There's a lot of things I did for her that her new one can't. Yah maybe they have a good time out at bars, but she always had a good time out on my boat. Ya'll don't have a boat now. Yah, you have a good banter, but you also have trust issues with each other. There's already been cases of lying in your new relationship. I never lied to you. New one doesn't know how to pay bills on time or buy their own car. New one is immature. New one is needy, and so are you. Can't have two of those, makes for a bad dynamic. You've already cried over the new one and then gone running back several times. The two of you have what I wanted all along. The two of you have fun together. Enjoy yourselves. Slightly sorry if I got off topic. Had to vent.
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