teanoranges Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I'm not completely obsessed with criticizing myself, but had to let this out. I can't believe I didn't get the hint that this boy had no true deep down feelings for me. We dated for 2.5 years and the whole time he refused to label me as his 'girlfriend' Girlfriend was just too much for him. For me, I didn't care as long as the emotions were there, which I thought were. Doesn't love mean more than the labels we stick on it? the legal documents we sign? Sure, he admitted to it a little later through the relationship that I'm his girlfriend without calling it one... but now he meets some other chick and 2 months into it he decides he wants to go out with her, basically call her his girlfriend. (of course that's what he said last time I talked to him which was a month ago so who knows if it happened) What I don't understand is how I could let myself fall into such a demeaning status with him. How could I not see that I just didn't mean enough to him for him to accept me? How could I not take the hints each time we 'broke up', with all the things he said to me about moving on? Sure he was nice, but niceness doesn't mean its love! How ridiculously stupid I was. I can't even trust my own instincts. Worse of all, I'm still not over him. I'm still thinking he's that great guy I thought he was while he's living day to day in some land where I know he doesn't think of me the same. Ridiculous.
Kic Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I read that when a man and woman decide to live together, they both see it differently: The man thinks, "Hey, this makes sense and is practical. Less driving back and forth and we can specialize in chores now (or she can do them)." The woman thinks, "Wow, we're one step away from marriage now!" The man has no idea. Not all men are like this, but generally, it's a bigger deal to women to move in together, perhaps similar to when you thought while you two were dating that you were both more exclusive than he thought. He perhaps dated you more out of practicality and the simple fact that it was preferable to being alone while he continued to look for someone else. Remember this and it might be easier to move on from him. You deserve better - someone who is able to commit to you and be exclusive before 2.5 years (isn't that an awfully high bar to set).
twinklecat Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Hey teanoranges, don't be too hard on yourself, because you trusted someone and fell in love with them is not a crime. Love blinds us to things. ~Twinkle
Author teanoranges Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Aw, thanks guys. I try not to beat myself up, and I really don't. I'm very kind and understanding of myself now, and I like it that way. I try not to think of the past, just very occasionally something like that pops in to my head. Its fleeting, but still annoying. thank you so much.
twinklecat Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 No problemmo! ^^ I can totally relate to how you feel, I have the same thing happen, but blah, it's in the past and I cannot change that. What I can do is learn from that past, that always makes me feel a whole lot better! x
Recommended Posts