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the ex reappeared 2nd chance?


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Posted

first time poster, sorry if its a bit long..

 

been checking out the forum the last 2/3 weeks as I've encountered a situation I've not had before and I can't see similar. I notice you guys can give very good opinions/advice when details are more readily available.

 

Broke up with ex near a year ago.. reasons being, R/ship was going a bit 'stale' after near 4 years prob due to the fact both were scared of moving on as both been burned before.. tbh probably nothing that couldn't have been solved with some proper conversations face to face instead of the immature way we dealt with it. (I'm now 33 and she 35)

 

anyway, I went off, we did this not in contact thing for a while, then gradually we started talking, facebook and the likes, no R/ship talk at all, feelings wise- well, a bit clouded from my side. I was dating quite a bit, nothing serious and in fairness I think one kiss was had in the 6 months after the break.

we hung out now and again, and the more I dated and the more I saw ex (maybe every 2-3 weeks) I realised my feelings weren't gone, though how could they be, I didn't fall out of love with her when we broke up.

 

so a couple of months ago we're chatting and I asked based on the fact we were spending time together, nothing physical, if there was something going to happen again with us. Flat out "No".. thats honest I thought.

Move on a few weeks, less contact, but still there, maybe we were being a 'crutch' for each other. She told me she'd been seeing some guy but the feelings she had for him weren't even a % of what she had felt for me.

took it with a grain of salt, figured she was trying to make it sound less serious than it was. Turns out it wasn't serious, it was like 2 movie dates and ended before the next paragraph begins.

 

so 2-3 weeks ago we had a conversation, proper one, about the issues we had in our relationship and what led to our demise and where we are at now. I guess my feelings seemed to have increased more than her. She HAD fallen out of love after the break up but she did say the more she saw me recently the more the feelings returned. And now we come to the cliff hanger... she's confused, conflicted, etc! she doesn't know if she wants me back or not as she moves between both feelings. She thinks she quite clearly set out her stall, though I fear its as clear as mud. As we said goodbye, we kissed, first time since before the breakup.

 

We've agreed to time apart and maybe meet up before the end of the year, sorta ultimatum like, 'be here at x time at x day if ya want in, if not there, then we walk away'. mutually agreed. Granted there were txt conversations and the talk about it over a drink since we mooted this idea first so its hasn't been strict no talking until a week ago.

 

So now I'm thinking.. huh? heres the girl who was deffo the love of my life and I wanted to marry, but wasn't sure how to move from where we were to there and didn't communicate that very well at the time. I wouldn't call it commitment phobia at all, more a case of being a little overly guarded on our behalfs. She has feelings reappearing which may suggest a reconcilation, but at the same time, she is not sure she wants to go back into a relationship.

 

I guess my questions for other posters who may have encountered similar or have an insight into the female mind are:

 

- Should I view this that I am being strung along for some reason? (neither of us have anyone else in our lives)

- Any opinions on what happens when one has fallen out of and potentially back into love with the same guy/girl in such a fashion that a reconcilation may be on the cards?

- I'm starting to 'hope'... is this wrong?

- at the same time, I kinda think she won't appear that day, am I in for a world of hurt? I don't feel too bad at the moment, anxious more than anything I guess,

 

really, I don't wanna set myself up for a fall... anyone think I am?

 

thanks for taking the time to read this, any and all opinions/advice gratefully received...

Posted

I suggest that you still live your life just as you were. There's no telling what she's thinking so, that's a moot point and waste of energy. Live the best life you can and if she wants to be a part of it great! If not you're still doing alright. This was the approach I took and in my opinion there's zero chance of losing anything with it.

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