ladyokane Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I joined this as a result of doing a google search for curing jealousy...yet what i found here reflects my own story, and I REALLY just want an honest UNbiased 3rd party opinion... After a year of trying to love this man...I have ended up here!!!! wtf! Ok so here it goes... When I met my current man, I was working in a massage parlour(yess yess, I know not ideal for begining a relationship, but I am an independant good looking woman, who is welll educated but sought an easier means to an end...So to be clear- work is work and nothing more....it just pays alot better. So when i met him we spent the most amazing 24hrs together....and when I told him of my job, he backed off right away and disappeared for a week..Understandably, but I relized perhpas it was not my past that bothered him so much as his own... He returned on and off over the next few weeks, and we would literally shut out the world and bond and share stories, for like 3 days sometimes, and then off hed go back to where he was living...For awhile I wondered if he had another relationship, but he didnt..He had recently returned from a year long walk in mexico...I found out later after leaving his on and off gf of 7 years.... We bonded hard and fast, so I thought and although he repeatedly told me he wasnt into monogamy, and that we should have 3somes...(I understood he was coming to me with a Don Juan attitude, but saw it to be more intimacy issues that being an actual dirtbag.... So we spoke of it, and over the 1st 3 months, we were apparently unexclusive, although I was faithful since the day we met...I may work in the sex industry but i am by NO means a slut in my personal life, in fact I am very picky, and dont sleep around....So for me I thought he was the best thing ever...Not jealous of my work...totally open and honest...It took him 3 months to put me on as his gf on bf after alot of me bugging him...He said it was because of his mexican family, and he wanted to keep our private life, private...I said if theres no one on there you want to think you are single, then you have no reason NOT to add me...reluctantly , he did... Early on he spoke of his x- and asked me if i believed in love at 1st sight, and told me about how he was dating a girl and she introduced him to his now X...and from the moment he saw her, he was in love...Anbd 8mths later they ended up together... I said love at 1st sight is BULL****- how cud you possibly know anything about their habits, moods, disorders etc...Puhlllease! lol and I laughed it off... Then I got internet hooked up at my house for him to work...and one day he was in the shower and I saw his chat window open w some girl...and I read that "He was sorry he couldnt make it for coffee, but he was busy taking care of his SICK mother and BOTHER?" WTF! I ALSO saw hed been perusing the casual encounters section on CL.... I got pretty upset and asked him WTF he was DOING basicially LIVING at my house and living OFF me as well, if he was busy persuing other pieces of ASS! He cried and apologized, embarrased for being caught lying-to HER- I told him to take her off IMMEDIATELY...and he did... A couple months later Is he wrote a merry Xmas email to his X(who btw is a taurus, treated him like ****- and I know this because hes a writer and left ALL his journals from over the years at my house- and i read all his beautiful poetic tales of HER and his woes for her unreturned affections---which he LATER used against me saying i invaded his privacy- lol hello you live in MY house lol!- and I wanted to know WHO exactly WAS in my house...) So I didnt think much of it, and hoped to be pined after and treaed with the same love he wrote about for HER! A few months pass and i notice she wrote him on fb...Merry Christmas blah bla...I didnt say anything... We signed a lease together in March, and 4 days after this I ask him about her, and replying to her and WHY she is STILL LOOMING around on fb etc... He says he didnt know, he hadnt replied and wasnt interested...Then i find out he had actually written her a LONG year long catch up email to her, FAILING to even MENTION that I exist and we just signed a lease together- even tho in HER email to HIM- she made it clear at the time she WAS in a relationship and hoped he came to her with noble intent.... At this point he had been living with and off me pretty much since we met in Nov...it was now march and we signed a lease together and I assumed hed be paying half rent....much to my disappointment... I made it CLEAR that day there was NO ROOM FOR HIS X in our relationshiop in ANY way..and demanded it end there... I THOUGHT it was over...he said he was being freindly...although on and off for 7 years makes it painfully obvious to ME they cant just be friends! This sparked a MAJOR jealousy within me starting with the 1st chat i found w the random girl... It has stuck with me,...In the summer i was So paranoid i found myself constantly sneaking around checking his emails and fb and LOOKING for things to catch him with.... I have never trusted easily and I DID trust him in the beginning till he told me not to....anyways then hes like " You dont respect my privacy...you dont trust me, why do you think every contact i have w a woman has to be sexual?(funny he told me all his fb friends hes basically had some kind of sexual contact w in the beginning to "get it out of the way" so they cud be friends...lol he says jeaousy is HORRIBLE and 10 years ago he was drunk and his then gf was jealous and he LOST it and beat her up , then stole her car and tried to kill himself by hitting a tree...HE WALKED AWAY UNSCATHED...and says he will never be jealous again...for any reason, and I shgould do the same...! Anyways during this time he spoke of our future and my son coming home to live w us etc...And the day before my son came home, I found something in an email, i think i imagined to be honest, but he got really mad, and I came home and he was GONE! Took his little brother he just brought over too along w all his stuff(which wasnt much) He owed me about $7000 at that point in rent and food and bills... He returened a week later professing his remorse although said he warned me he would leave because of my jealousy, so he thought it was merited, yet came back to make it up somehow...We went roller blading thast afternoon, and he fell and broke his wrist!!! I felt bad, but was still hurt and angry but invited him to move back in and I would take care of him...It lasted about 10 days till his negativity was such that i couldnt tolerate it anymore and asked him to leave... We were broken up for a month, we barely spoke, he said he was focusing on work so he had something to come back to us with...lol Anyways the day after i took him off as my boyfriend on fb, THERE WAS HIS X- Oh Hi- i miss our friendship blah blah blah! I found out...and asked him if he had contacted her....he denied it... He showed up on my bday tho- with NO present or even a CARD! And refused to sleep w me that night saying he didnt want to lead me on! And later admitted faceto face he HAD spoken to her on the phone only, and briefly...So I lost it and kicked him out again... We started talking again Mid August...after I wrote her a letter explaining WHY she was a wrench in the workd and if she EVER loved him at ALL- to back off and LET HIM MOVE ON! She wrote back assuring me she waas only interested to see if a friendship was even possible and she wouldnt bark up that tree again..." She also went to his mother and told her I worte her(YES they still hang out, and i havent even MET his mother yet, and because of the letter, and my apprent jealousy, she no longer WANTS to meet me!) Everytime I think were back on track i find something...2 weeks ago I read his journal again, hoping to find something NICE about me and us and our 1 yr anniversary we just had...and what did I FIND? a LETTER TO HER!" a thousand days of agony have passed in your silence" " I forever live under the shadow of who were were and who I wished to BE AGAIN??!!! he actually crossed out become and put be again...! I actually FREAKED OUT BEYOND reason..I ripped up his book and I lost my mind...To me it was reading the murder suicide of US with every toxic penstroke, . I realized SHE is the reason weve had NO romance, he doesnt kiss me hardly.(he says it because of my work, but i doubt it- it may be relevant but its like ive been PUNISHED for the last year- conciously DENIED any kind of compassion really...or thoughtfullness...he is a black hole that has a way with words it seems.....I wonder if he wrote it meaning for me to find it at some point. I DEMANDED he get rid of her on fb and ALL contacts...He says he isnt in love w her, but she is still in his HEAD! What the f**K am I supposed to do with that! So.....I set my boundaries and told him either you get rid of her in EVERY WAY(including the letter you carry around from 3 years ago) and GO TO COUNCELLING or consider yourself completely CUT OFF in every way! So what did he do? he shut DOWN his fb account entirely! Spiteful Jerk! CANT LET HER GO! And then a week later i see her liking the pic he put up..I wrote here AGAIN...and he closed his acct...but i saw shes still on his biz group... So am I JEALOUS of a ghost or am I being played for a FOOl? I LOVE him, truly...bsides this I told him hes a sexual and agressive Narcissist, and that his wantings for polygamy are no more than issues with TRUE intimacy...and thats where the root of all of this starts..He told me recently my job DOES in fact bother him....and he wants me to quit...however he has NO income and spends 10hrs a day doing internship for FREE with my good friend i hooked him up with for work and they are launching things ...soon... He says it is MY anger and jealousy that is destroying us....and there is NO one person...yet I AM HAUNTED BY HER- somehow he manifested all this...or did i? Help im really tired of guessing and hoping and TRYING to work with a man who at the end of the day....would rather write to HER than to me... Right now, after the last incident w her...He has decided to move out, has AGREED to get help and has shut down his personal fb profile...but as he says it wont be enough..... and Im not feeling any kind of true loyalty here except the fact he needs me...He loves what I do for him cus I treat him like GOLD for REAL....All I ever wanted was to be loved BACK! Why is this happening and HOW do I STOP IT? I believe in transcendance, and Im trying to believe in love....I am allowing him to move into the condo for a couple months to see if we can work this out no living together... He WAS everything i ever wanted. he says he wants to share in the learning and growing, but doesnt know why he doesnt feel romance within...for anyone, although he used to be...anyways maybe if he treated me with some thoughtfullness, id be more self confident, instead of believeing he wants everyone BUT me... I welcome male AND female opinions on this... by thew way his status has remained single on fb since we broke up in july..he deleted his account only last week.. Im considered gorgeous...men fall at my feet...why do I ONLY want him, and why is HE the ONLY man I felt connected with right from the moment we met?
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