Ms. Joolie Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 First off, let me say that I had NO idea how I was going to be date-able after my last break up. I felt like a mess. I was moving and pushing forward, but going out on a date felt like a lifetime away. What I did was got busy with a lot of other things. I attended a lot of classes and then I began assisting at these classes. It's been great just being so busy, just going out there and re-directing my energy into new things and into meeting new people. I think that's key after break up. We have to move on physically before our mind will follow. Always, we have to go a step ahead and not let ourselves get stuck in the same environment, in the same thoughts. We have to do new things to think new things. Anyhow, so I was assisting at this seminar and some guy starts talking to me. Eventually he asked me out. We went out yesterday. It was the most amazing date ever. Granted, all the classes I take have paid off and I really am a new and newer person everyday. lol. However, I've never met anybody I've connected so well with, that I could be so open with. During the date I was thinking about how unreal my relationship with my ex was. I wasn't myself, I wasn't really open. It was a dead relationship compared to that kind of interaction that went between my date and I. Am I saying that I met this incredible person and we are going to be happy ever after and I'm so excited about this??? NO. I'm acknowledging that I've changed. I'm acknowledging that my relationship failed because of the role I played in it. I see how I acted, and who I was. I see all the things I did, how fake I was. I didn't deserve a real relationship, not like that. So for everyone who can relate, I just wanted to put this out there. Remember, that relationship is over because of who you were, because it took two and we didn't play our part. I can't even express adequately how much I look forward to this new beginning for me. The realization of giving in a relationship, of building a real relationship is truly something to look forward to. I hope this is something for all of us to look forward to. A good thought to replace so many bad ones we turn over in our heads. Love, Ms. Joolie
Author Ms. Joolie Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Thanks, McG! And there was sadness in the date, too. I felt it several times. I thought about how that wasn't my ex sitting in front of me, I thought about how now there is this new possibility with someone else, I thought about how closed off I was in my last relationship, etc. But in that sadness, is a gratefulness. I am thankful that now I have a chance to build a real relationship. haha... it's not that I was this wicked person. I did love the ex, but what I gave compared to what I can give? Two vastly different things. So I guess I'm just really happy with this thought and trying to process it. lol. Because I really believe that when we're ready we can direct all this energy and this insights we learned into a new and better relationship. We will love again, be loved again, have a relationship again.... but only after we heal and do our homework for recovery. Only after we take a hold of ourselves and and are ready to give again.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I'm so glad for you It's good to hear positive stories. One thing I worry about for myself is that a lot of others who have been dumped realise after a while it was for the best as it was fake or there was cheating involved, or it was abusive etc etc, but my relationship had none of that, it was open and loving, my tummy flipped even while I typed that, we clicked incredibly well, like no-one I've met before. I think it will take me longer to be able to move on because I know what a wonderful, precious, possibly quite rare (for me anyway) thing I have lost. >It was the most amazing date ever. Granted, all the classes I take have paid off and I really am a new and newer person everyday. lol. However, I've never met anybody I've connected so well with, that I could be so open with. During the date I was thinking about how unreal my relationship with my ex was. I wasn't myself, I wasn't really open. It was a dead relationship compared to that kind of interaction that went between my date and I.<
adamt Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) First off, let me say that I had NO idea how I was going to be date-able after my last break up. I felt like a mess. I was moving and pushing forward, but going out on a date felt like a lifetime away. What I did was got busy with a lot of other things. I attended a lot of classes and then I began assisting at these classes. It's been great just being so busy, just going out there and re-directing my energy into new things and into meeting new people. I think that's key after break up. We have to move on physically before our mind will follow. Always, we have to go a step ahead and not let ourselves get stuck in the same environment, in the same thoughts. We have to do new things to think new things. Got to agree with what you say above. it is the best way to get over someone by getitng ultra busy and doing new things and finding things you enjoy. i'd like to add getting fit and into shape and losing weight also helps rebuild confidence. especially when people notice the change. and remain in NC with the ex I have been on a couple of dates. first one we went on two dates but havent really persued it further. 2nd girl was a lot better, have strong feelings for her, we got on well and she is stunning. going out on a 2nd date soon. it is very early but fingers crossed. i didnt think about my ex while on the date with the 2nd girl.both asked me out. this comes 7 months after being in bits after being dumped. it shows if you focus on yourself you will move on and begin to date again once you feel ready. always other fish in the sea if you go looking for them. but firstly you need to work on yourself and make yourself as appealing as possible to the opposite sex. get yourself in shape, new wardrobe,new haircut, be confident and have a smile on your face Edited December 16, 2009 by adamt
Kic Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Enjoyed the read. There is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel for us all.
prayingshecomesback Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Great posts. I have finally reached that stage where I feel like I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't feel anymore pain, just strength. My desire to have her back has faded to almost nothing. I finally have self confidence up and feel good about myself. I know I am not perfect, but I also know I am a good person and I will meet the right girl that fits me. Here is my list on how I moved on: do's and don'ts: Do's: 1) go NC and whatever you do don't break it. I have been Nc for 5 months. The day I picked my stuff up at her house... I never contacted. It was hard as hell and the temptation is there. But don't do it! 2) workout/exercise. I hired a personal trainer and worked out every weekday for 45 minutes. It helped me emotionally and damn I am looking ripped. Lol 3) talk to friends and family. It helps to get it out. And it also helps when they remind you of all the flaws your ex had. Nothing like them reminding you of how they were fat, double chinned, hunchback, walked like a duck and thinning hair in front to make you feel better. Lol and no I didn't date a troll. 4) do something you never did before. Take up a new hobby. I tried out for a part in a local theatre company by my house and I'm playing a big role in miracle on 34th street. I have caught the acting bugs and I am the talk of the girls dressing room. They all want to know if I am single! Haha love the attention. 5) go out and date and stay busy. It will be hard to date because you are not ready and you will compare your ex to your date. But have no fear, you have to get out there and get back in the game. You won't connect with the rebound, but it is ok! 6) get to church. Last but not least... Ask god to heal your broken heart, because as it written in the bible, he binds up the brokenhearted. During one of my relapses, I got down on my knees and prayed to god to heal my broken heart. The next day I woke with gladness. I found a great church and (for the guys)... It was hottie overload! Tons of hot NICE girls everywhere.
Odyssey Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 ...we have to go a step ahead and not let ourselves get stuck in the same environment, in the same thoughts. We have to do new things to think new things.This really helped when i was coping too...never get stuck in a rut. Sometimes you have to force yourself to just enjoy yourself! Do all those cool things that you couldn't when you were with your ex. Take the risk. Good post Joolie.
soheartbroken Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 What I did was got busy with a lot of other things. I attended a lot of classes and then I began assisting at these classes. It's been great just being so busy, just going out there and re-directing my energy into new things and into meeting new people. Hi. What classes did you take? Also, I know I've read tonnes of your posts, but how long has it been since your breakup?
Author Ms. Joolie Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Hi. What classes did you take? Also, I know I've read tonnes of your posts, but how long has it been since your breakup? Well the final break up was in September, but we actually had been having trouble all year. Long, complicated story that doesn't come across well on the net. lol. But, yeah, final break up was late September. The classes I'm referring to are for self-improvement. I've taken lots of classes, classes of personal interest, that help me to deal with life. That's the key, I think, not necessarily that whatever classes I'm taking everyone should take. It's more about developing/expanding your mind and opening up that new world for you. But to answer your question, these are the classes that I take, that have significantly improved my life: - Yoga classes, dahn yoga and bikram yoga - Landmark Education seminars - classes at The Kabbalah Center - Also, I would meet up with a woman's group that was put together by the therapist I was seeing after the break up. Just a group where we could talk about things. Haven't gone in awhile because I've been busy. So you see, this is just an interesting mix of classes for me personally. The main thing is to get involved in things that will help you develop yourself, to remain consistent at things that will develop you as a person. Edited December 16, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
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