My "big girl panties" hurt like hell!!!!!

[outofthedark]

So I did it, put them on and oh boy. The hard truths i face. The reality of it all. I demanded respect. I demanded the truth. I demanded action. The BS on here will say I should have seen it, I deserve it, this is my karma etc.. but what it boils down too is that I trusted him, made excuses for him, believed his lies, ignored red flags and for all that I really really hurt now. Oh my god why did I ever get involved with a married man to begin with.

So yes, almost 2 years out now. He left his wife over a year ago, no divorce (his stupid lame excuses of guilt etc) Blames his mistreatment of me on that guilt and that he didnt want to lose me and my love so he left his wife (i never asked him too, i told him to go to mc with her if he wanted her) and so then began to resent me cuz I loved him and gave him what he was missing and I should have known better. Ya I know... my fault eh? for loving him eh? As if "if you didnt show me love I never would have left my wife and it felt so good to be loved i didnt want to lose you so i left her and its your fault" GOOD GRIEF!!!!!

Anyway... as my prior posts explain where we are... we have a baby, we live together, he is a serial cheater but man when I finally stopped making excuses for him and demanded the truths and some action (divorce), the fallout hurts like hell.

We spent a couple days apart after what would be considered our 2nd dday with eachother. Just before our child was born he told me about certain indiscretions but as is usually the case, I didnt get the complete truth and now I have more to deal with. I dont actually believe that this is the complete truth either though this is pretty harsh in itself.

Multiple attempts with other women. Workplace indiscretions (sharing videos of themselves getting themselves off). Group sex with strangers. Exploring homosexual relations. Drugs with street people. OMG.. and it goes on and on. But I asked for this right, the truth finally.

Now the anger, the hurt.. I HURT so bad right now. I am just venting I guess, and giving an update to all that gave me advice in the past.

Now I deal with awaiting std results, wondering what the future holds for my baby. Him telling me that he is here for me as I go through this and heal. Been to couples counseling 3 times. Said I wasn't going to walk back out the door but feel like a fool. Wanting that "love" we had before but seeing that it probably wasn't real and if it was it died a long time ago.

Confused, angry at him, angry at myself... eating my own karma.. YUK!

[sugarmomma]

Let me see if I get this right... You trusted him? How do you trust a liar???????

 

You knowingly BELIEVED LIES.

 

Started an affair with MM

 

Lying to the both of you

 

He leaves his wife and blames you for his unhappiness

 

Continues to cheat while living with you

 

You gove him a baby (that don't make them stay or act right)

 

He has homosexual tendencies

 

He has numerous sexual excapades with your knowledge

 

and now you wonder where did the love go. Not trying to be cruel but that wasn't love. That was probably more infatuation mixed with a lot of selfishness and denial.

 

What did you see in this man????

 

I know his xw is so glad to be rid of him and if I were you I would be passing him off to the next person that can hang.

 

I hope ur tests come out ok though. I wouldn't wish an std on anyone.

 

Get some counseling and find out why you are addicted to drama and chaos.

Edited December 15, 2009 by sugarmomma

[whichwayisup]

Get this guy out of your life..Now. If he wants to be a part of his baby's life, fine, but YOU need him out of your life on every other level. He can still be a father and a provider for your child. That's it.

 

You made some mistakes, bad choices in the past - Now you have the opportunity to change all that. End it NOW, talk to a lawyer about custody and child support. This man is not worth fighting for, he's a total a-hole.

[MizzBlue72]

Wow - I feel for you. I am SO sorry.

 

This may hurt, but don't allow him to be their for you as you heal. NO WAY. This will probably keep you in limbo and NOT allow you to heal!!

 

Seriously - kick his butt to the curb. To expose you and your child to STDs drugs, etc?? WOW... just WOW.

 

YOU and your child deserve better. Good luck.

[jwi71]

Take steps to protect yourself and your child.

And, echoing others, kick him out. He has a place to go and go to it he will.

 

Let him go. This "man" is hopelessly broken. Every day is further denigration of YOU.

His life is a slow death spiral and he WILL drag YOU and your CHILD down with him.

 

Save yourself.

Save your child.

 

Learn what lessons you can, heal, and move forward. Now is the time to lean on friends and family. Circle the wagons.

 

You CAN do it.

[Flabbergaster]

I...am in shock after reading this. I feel so bad that this happened to you.

 

I am so impressed that you put those panties on. You knew it was going to be bad. You put them on, learned the truth...and it is bad.

 

If you were strong enough to put the big girl panties on, you're strong enough for the next steps.

 

Your child will know what a wonderful and strong mother you are.

[RedDevil66]

sounds to me like you're on the road to healing.

Yep, it's tough wearing the "big girl panties" but it's rewarding and will help you move on.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain, you got caught up in this guys madness. The only way anyone would get caught up in this is if that person is also not well.

You need to make ALL the focus on you and getting yourself well enough to never pick a person like this again.

 

It's not karma, it's just confusion and you'll get well.............promise :-)

[fooled once]

So I did it, put them on and oh boy. The hard truths i face. The reality of it all. I demanded respect. I demanded the truth. I demanded action. The BS on here will say I should have seen it, I deserve it, this is my karma etc.. but what it boils down too is that I trusted him, made excuses for him, believed his lies, ignored red flags and for all that I really really hurt now. Oh my god why did I ever get involved with a married man to begin with.

So yes, almost 2 years out now. He left his wife over a year ago, no divorce (his stupid lame excuses of guilt etc) Blames his mistreatment of me on that guilt and that he didnt want to lose me and my love so he left his wife (i never asked him too, i told him to go to mc with her if he wanted her) and so then began to resent me cuz I loved him and gave him what he was missing and I should have known better. Ya I know... my fault eh? for loving him eh? As if "if you didnt show me love I never would have left my wife and it felt so good to be loved i didnt want to lose you so i left her and its your fault" GOOD GRIEF!!!!!

Anyway... as my prior posts explain where we are... we have a baby, we live together, he is a serial cheater but man when I finally stopped making excuses for him and demanded the truths and some action (divorce), the fallout hurts like hell.

We spent a couple days apart after what would be considered our 2nd dday with eachother. Just before our child was born he told me about certain indiscretions but as is usually the case, I didnt get the complete truth and now I have more to deal with. I dont actually believe that this is the complete truth either though this is pretty harsh in itself.

Multiple attempts with other women. Workplace indiscretions (sharing videos of themselves getting themselves off). Group sex with strangers. Exploring homosexual relations. Drugs with street people. OMG.. and it goes on and on. But I asked for this right, the truth finally.

Now the anger, the hurt.. I HURT so bad right now. I am just venting I guess, and giving an update to all that gave me advice in the past.

Now I deal with awaiting std results, wondering what the future holds for my baby. Him telling me that he is here for me as I go through this and heal. Been to couples counseling 3 times. Said I wasn't going to walk back out the door but feel like a fool. Wanting that "love" we had before but seeing that it probably wasn't real and if it was it died a long time ago.

Confused, angry at him, angry at myself... eating my own karma.. YUK!

 

I am not sure I would call this karma.

 

I would call it extreme lying and total misjudgement of what type of "man" he is.

 

GET away from him. Get FAR away from him. Get your child away from him. This is not someone for your child to look up to. Yuck.

 

Protect yourself. He needs way more help than couples counseling. It isn't your job to FIX him (I am not sure his is fixable) nor it is your responsibility to stand idly by while he continues to implode.

 

Good luck!

[datura_noir]

I have no helpful reply to this post, I just wanted to say that the title made me spit my coffee on the monitor with laughter....Big white granny panties causing wedgies came to mind:laugh::laugh: