christophermichael Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 (edited) This is the first time i've ever joined a forum before. I think that getting this off my chest and possibly recieving some advice or consolation will help me through this. I guess ill begin by stating my situation... This girl was my first love. We've known eachother for 10+ years now and we were best friends. We started dating senior year of highschool, when both of us had just turned 18. We've lived together ever since, with the exception of about 6 months. Like any young couple i suppose, we had our ups, and definately our downs. Due to immaturity (atleast i believe so), we had broken up for short periods 3 seperate times in 6 years. I felt as though this was normal, seeing how young and unexperienced we were with relationships. Anyways, about 2 months ago, she broke up with me suddenly. I had a feeling for months before this that something was off, but i continued to love her and treat her good as usual. We had just moved back home from Florida, and she told me she wasn't fully feeling optimistic about the relationship anymore. I had recently been laid off 2 times in a year, and was suffering from depression. I wasn't able to be MYSELF. Anyone whos been really depressed can identify with me here. Needless to say, my spell of depression took a toll on the relationship as well. About a week or so after she broke up with me, i visited her and opened up about my problems. I explained that i hadn't wanted to burden her with my problems and make her unhappy, and thats why i hadn't been able to put in 110% at times. She cried alot and told me she understood better now that i opened up, and offered to give us one more fighting chance. For the past month or so, we had been spending more time together actually communicating and from what i thought, rekindling the original feelings as to why we loved eachother to begin with. A week ago, i had noticed a sense of disconnection from her again. I confronted her about it, and she informed me that her feelings weren't changing and she wanted to call it quits. I was crushed. For the past week, i had moments of weakness when i called repeatedly to apologize to her and promise change. I understand that this only pushes that person farther away. Who wants to be with a weak and needy individual right? I just couldn't help myself. I love this girl with all my heart. I'd give the world to her if i could. She always said no matter what, we would work things out. Yesterday night i had called her again for closure. I had given one last chance at trying to get her back by offering to attend couples counseling together. This was an idea she had previously considered to be a positive step to healing our relationship. When i suggested this, she explained that she was no longer was in love with me and hadn't been for a couple years now. She claimed she dedicated more time to fixing our situation than she should have. She then told me she was looking forward to dating other guys. This killed me inside. I've been treating her like gold, and she's interested in other guys? ****! How can i love this girl so much that i can't function, but she's able to start giving herself to someone else? After 6 years, this girl did a 180 on me and it hurts to say this, but i hardly recognize her anymore. She was the closest person ive ever had and i really, truly thought that no matter how difficult something seems, if you have love, you can fix it. Im now questioning what i thought was true. The only option i've been left with is to cut off contact completely from her until further notice. This is the MOST PAINFUL aspect because she was my heart and soul and i can't even communicate with her to atleast make sure that she's safe. I haven't been able to eat anything for 3 days now. My thoughts are consumed with memories of us...its a week before Christmas and about 3 weeks till our 24th birthdays and what would have been our 6 year anniversary, and i can't even spend any of these times with her. Im filled with anger and extreme sadness. Im usually a very outgoing person. Life of the party. Charasmatic. now i feel dead inside. I know what i have to do in this situation. I just would like some re-assurance from someone whos been in a similar situation. thanks for your time. Edited December 15, 2009 by christophermichael wasn't finished
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