angelface78 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 (edited) It has been 6 months since the breakup. Like all of us I suffered like i have never suffered in my life. This has been no doubt the most painful experience of my life. I wish never to repeat those dark days where i would wake up at 4 in the morning with anxiety attacks. The endless nights crying..month after month grieving and mourning. It took so long to get to this point of my recovery. Its understandable though...i was with him for 5 years. We were engaged. He picked a dumb fight and he yelled and disrespected me beyond belief. He forced me to end it!! Fast forward .. month later he is with a new girl. For months he threw his rebound in my face on myspace. After 3 months of NC i called him and we had the last conversation we will probably ever have. During the conversation our voices cracked and we were both on the verge of tears. I felt that he still loved me. I told him that i didnt hate him. I did this for me. I forgave him. After this phone call i mourned for the following months like never before. I gave myself time to think to cry to vent. I slowly started to dig myself out of my depression. Its been the hardest thing i have ever done.. but now i am better. So much better!!! I am dating a new person. He is a great guy. I was hesitant because i was not sure but my friends said give ita chance..if it doesnt work it doesnt work. You have to get out of your comfort zone. I hardly ever looked at my ex's myspace anymore. This whole time he has had single on his myspace. Even though i know he is with her. I have seen her myspace. She has pictures of them all over the place. he has also moved in w her..this i found out because his sister told me. Well the new guy i am dating asked me to be his girfriend and i said yes. I said yes not completely sure...but my friends said there is no point in waiting any longer. Try it!! He likes you hes great ..you like him too!! Give it a chance. You'll never know if you dont try. So i said yes...yesterday i changed my status on myspace from single to IN A RELATIONSHIP. Well today i was sitting here just thoughts racing through my head about how crazy this life is. I was thinking i have a boyfriend now...how can i grasp that concept and let it sink in. I guess with time. As i sat there i felt a strong feeling deep in my chest. It felt like pain. Thoughts of my ex started coming...i went into his myspace and i saw that just 3 minutes ago he had changed his status to IN A RELATIONSHIP. This meant that at that same moment i felt that pain in my chest he had just looked at my myspace seen my status and he changed his. After being w her 5 months he now changes his status a day after i do. Is this a coincidence??? he changed his headline too. He wrote. '**** YEAH IM SO HAPPY...FINALLY. I LOVE YOU SHORTY (his new girl) ILL SEE YOU LATER ON TONIGHT AT OUR PLACE) In other words he disclosed that they moved in. What does this mean?? Does he still care?? Was he just waiting for me to move on?? What do you guys think?? I know how he acts when he is hurt he pretends he is happy...he has always been immature like that! I know this man i was with him 5 years. I told myself to forget about it. I dont know and will never know. I wrote all this to say that i guess what i am feeling is that last glimmer of hope. Man hope really does die last!! Before i could think anymore..I told myself it doesnt matter...i have a boyfriend now. Whom i do like a lot. I want to give this a chance. I will not look at my ex's myspace and i will go on with my life. Im sorry if this was so long...i had to get out i have not been on here much lately. i guess thats what healing does but maybe some of you will remember me and can give me some feedback. If not its ok. I just wanted to get my thoughts out. Thanks guys Edited December 15, 2009 by angelface78
WTRanger Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 When my ex decided to play the status game on Facebook, I did the easiest thing. I deleted her and blocked her. Get rid of him on all of your accounts. This perpetual checking in on him isn't helping to kill the hope. Besides, you have a new bf now. How would you feel if he was constantly checking in with an ex? The past is the past, you cannot change it. So leave it be or invent a time machine. Your choice.
McGrupp Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 i feel sorry for your new BF. poor guy. your still obsessing over your ex's myspace status. that guy is going to get his heart broken
HeavenOrHell Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Hun, it sounds like you still have feelings for your ex, it doesn't sound like you want to be with the new guy, don't force it if it's too soon to be with someone else, unless you both wanted a lighthearted fling and had both made that clear? You're still caring about what your ex's motives are.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Hi, angelface! Of course I remember you and am so happy to hear from you! Sooo happy that you are once again in a relationship with someone you like a lot. Make it happen. As for the ex, get rid of all that negativity. Let go of the anger, the jealousy, the hate and the hurt. You've talked about it, confronted some very difficult things about it, suffered through it, thought about it day after day.... Let it go now. It just seems like if he started that argument that led to your break up, that led to yelling and eventual disrespect.... if he caused this for you two, you don't want to be with him anyway! And then he further causes you to suffer by flaunting his new relationship. He further acts negatively by changing his status and his immature little message. This is NOT the man you wanted in your life. It seems to me that this was the man you needed to show you just what you can go through and get out of. You went through a sort of HELL with this break up! You've made it! Your life starts again now. You have your life back, you have a boyfriend, you have friends. Forget the past. You don't need one more thought about him, one more look at his myspace, one more pain because of him. Don't look back! We're here to support you 100% in moving forward!
Author angelface78 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 No he wont. He knows everything... I have never kept anything from him. I myself told him i looked at his myspace and saw the change of status. He is a very mature guy. Like i said i do like him. I can see why you guys would say that though. You guys are right i will not look again!
Author angelface78 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Yes i will be the first to admitt i am not completely over him (it was 5 years guys) but i cannot sit around waiting for that day to happen. I have to help it along. And i am ready to do that. Im the kind of person that does not take action until i am ready. I have found this person and i actually like him. I am not the kind that likes to date. I only started dating him because we were friends...and our feelings started changing. He knows exactly what is going on.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 If you know you're ready then that's great I wasn't sure if, for me, if I met someone soon that it would work if I still had feelings for my ex, maybe it would help me to let go, although I wouldn't want to go out with someone new purely to help me move on, I see no harm if you are ready to move on though and have room in your heart for someone new, even if you do still have some feelings for your ex. I'm not sure I could fall in love with someone new if there's any feelings for my ex still. I just don't know. Good luck hun Yes i will be the first to admitt i am not completely over him (it was 5 years guys) but i cannot sit around waiting for that day to happen. I have to help it along. And i am ready to do that. Im the kind of person that does not take action until i am ready. I have found this person and i actually like him. I am not the kind that likes to date. I only started dating him because we were friends...and our feelings started changing. He knows exactly what is going on.
Ms. Joolie Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Yes i will be the first to admitt i am not completely over him (it was 5 years guys) but i cannot sit around waiting for that day to happen. I have to help it along. And i am ready to do that. Im the kind of person that does not take action until i am ready. I have found this person and i actually like him. I am not the kind that likes to date. I only started dating him because we were friends...and our feelings started changing. He knows exactly what is going on. That's right.... 5 years! And you went through all that.... I can't even imagine it, really! I really, really suffered with the ending of my 3 year on/off stupid relationship because I did still love him. But like you, I had to end it. I can't imagine being engaged and then having to end it. Maybe it will be a good idea to list out all the things you've learned after this relationship? Think of all the strength that you had, of all the insights about yourself that you learned. In other words, write out what you gained from this experience, or what there is to learn about this experience that you will take with you for the rest of your life. There has to be something valuable that you can take with you, something that you could not have acquired any other way. That's my thinking anyway.
Author angelface78 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 (edited) Heavenorhell....we are never really 100 percent ready for anything. We can only try. I am not with this new guy to help me move on. NO i am with him because i like him and am ready to start moving on. I am in no way in love with him. I was not in love w my ex when we started going out either. It takes time. If you find someone great that you see potential in...why let it pass?? Thats why its called a chance. Thanks heavenorhell im sure you will one day be there Thanks Ms Joolie. Yes i will take your advice and write a lot of things out. I have learned so much from that old relationship. Its all a process. It takes time....but you have to be a participant in your own recovery. You cant sit around waiting for the feelings to completely disappear for the ex. Thats not how it works. You have to help yourself along with the healing. Its called being strong. Its called resilience. I believe we can all do this. Edited December 15, 2009 by angelface78
LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I know I am late to the party, angelface but I wanted to say that your case is almost like me and my ex. My ex hooked up with a girl and 2 weeks later, got engaged. His new fiancee' even said on a blog that she had to try hard to convince him to get married in their first place, making fun of the face that he kept saying they were moving too fast. We work together so it's hard for me to really implement NC. He tries to throw their engagement in mine and our co-workers faces yet bad mouths her every chance he get. He says he doesn't think they will last, he's happy to leave overseas next year to get away from her, and that he hopes she will conveniently "forget" their relationship while he is gone for a year and a half. Your ex and mine sounds like they don't need to date anyone until they get their sh*t together. You, on the other hand are not quite over your ex, because you seem to throw the word "like" a lot when you describe your new BF. Have a great time, but whatever you do...don't force something with the new BF or OLD BF, that isn't there.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I think I was just worried for myself thinking what if I have feelings for my ex for a long time, it is ok to go out with someone else. But you're right, you need to give things a chance with the new guy You deserve to be happy Heavenorhell....we are never really 100 percent ready for anything. We can only try. I am not with this new guy to help me move on. NO i am with him because i like him and am ready to start moving on. I am in no way in love with him. I was not in love w my ex when we started going out either. It takes time. If you find someone great that you see potential in...why let it pass?? Thats why its called a chance. Thanks heavenorhell im sure you will one day be there Thanks Ms Joolie. Yes i will take your advice and write a lot of things out. I have learned so much from that old relationship. Its all a process. It takes time....but you have to be a participant in your own recovery. You cant sit around waiting for the feelings to completely disappear for the ex. Thats not how it works. You have to help yourself along with the healing. Its called being strong. Its called resilience. I believe we can all do this.
DustySaltus Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Angelface, if your EX called you right now and said that he made a big mistake, what would you say? I've gotten that call a year and a half later with a previous ex (5 year relationship) and reacted with indifference. However, with my recent ex-fiance I still don't know how I would react. My gut would tell me not to pick up the phone but my heart my do something stupid.
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