phineas Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 That's cool. For every moment a guy spends putting up with a woman's issues, he needs to understand she's putting up with his too. I want a woman who can do stuff other women can't. Basically anyone who isn't a princess. If they impresses me I let them know & am sincere about it. and, I don't have any issues.
paddington bear Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Here's another nuance to ponder: While a woman might complain that men only want sex, perhaps instead of a committed relationship, would she honestly be attracted to a man who presented the aura of not wanting sex right away, preferring romance and physical affection to lead up to sex at a later time. Hold that. I'm not saying what she 'wants', but rather what she is 'attracted' to. Remember, these men have completely different auras about them. They view women in different ways. We see this all the time on LS. Imagine being used to fending off men's sexual advances and then being confronted with a man who doesn't act that way. A relief, you say, emphatically. I believe you. But, within that relief, does there lie attraction? Interesting. The reverse corollary is the man who is continually bombarded by drama queens and finally meets a 'nice girl'; a woman who is mature, knows herself and is emotionally stable. Would he, being conditioned to drama, find her attractive? Or, would she be boring? Not boring in the absolute sense, but emotionally. Non-stimulative, comparatively. I'll provide some anecdotal results from the 45-55 demographic as I begin to date again in the coming year. It's bound to be enlightening very good points!!! And probably, horribly, succinctly true, best bring out my best drama queen I guess. We all want sex, we all want to be sexually desirable - along with being unique and special in someone's eyes, that comes as a package deal, one without the other just isn't going to cut it. Of course men want more than sex. They might pretend otherwise, but I've known too many guys who have not been able to move on from ex's to form meaningful relationships with others or are in love with someone unobtainable to the exclusion of all others. As sex-crazed men shouldn't they be off shagging any female in sight? They don't, their hearts are tied to the woman they love. Men are, of course, are emotional creatures just like women, and are capable of deep feeling maybe they just like to hide that side of them. And they don't analyse love, emotions ad nauseum like women do, and perpetuate the myth that they are only after sex and nothing more because to be overly emotional regarding love is maybe not 'manly'. I'm a woman, but seems to me, men are driven by sex in terms of initial attraction, but being driven by desire for sex does not mean that men are not capable of falling deeply, ridiculously in love when they do fall.
carhill Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I'm a woman, but seems to me, men are driven by sex in terms of initial attraction, but being driven by desire for sex does not mean that men are not capable of falling deeply, ridiculously in love when they do fall. I agree that men can be driven by sex and often are. Now, take that one step further. Can a man be driven by sexual attraction and contain that attraction as the impetus to a relationship? Does the sex always have to come first (pardon the pun)? Why? Can a woman sense that a man is sexually attracted to her without him grabbing her crotch or making other sexually overt 'moves'? If so, would she find this less/as/more attractive? Men can and do emotionally bond (fall in love) all the time. Some of the inappropriate or nonsensical emotional outbursts you see from men are due to that process and the fact that they don't routinely express those emotions of connection openly. Without practice, they are amateurs. For some, sex is the avenue to that bonding process. For others, the two dynamics exist on separate paths which can converge at a later time and place. For others, sexual intimacy and desire grows out of emotional intimacy and desire. It's the last group which women are generally the most unfamiliar with, even though that path is similar to the one many women walk. It's like they understand it in themselves but have little concept of it in a man. Sometimes the distance between myth and fact is blurry due to tule fog.
FilthMerchant Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 That's cool. For every moment a guy spends putting up with a woman's issues, he needs to understand she's putting up with his too. ... and she needs to understand that if even a minority of guys had similar issues to a majority of women, no woman would ever date
carhill Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 ... and she needs to understand that if even a minority of guys had similar issues to a majority of women, no woman would ever date Yep, it'd be AI all the way with bull semen
Island Girl Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 When I hear "guys only want sex," I begin to cringe. Sex is the essence of a relationship (from my perspective its male/female). It is the physical connection and expression of everything that we feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually about and toward that person. Sex has been cheapened over the years for various reasons, including but not limited to, the feminist movement, pornography, changes in marital laws, erosion of religious values in relationships, and the physical maturation of our youth. Suffice it so say, any guy worth his salt can 'wait' on sex. I've had my fair share of girlfriends and sex, and for every girl I have been with, I could have waited. For those I couldn't, sex would have been a non-issue anyways. Sex is a big deal. It's meant to unbind and break free of conformity. It is meant to be a wrestle and a romp with your significant other, and it is also meant to procreate life. Such things are not possible with a mere one night stand. Yes, men want sex, but so do women. We care about sex because it is the quintessetial way to communicate what we feel about you. Items, nights out, vacations, love letters, holding hands, movies, etc, cannot communicate what being wrapped up with your lover can. The female preoccupation with "men only want sex" is misdirection at best, derailing relationships. EVERYONE wants sex. What men ultimately care about as it pertains to this is: a) you are open and care free b) you aren't bringing sexual baggage with you to our doorstep c) that you are clean and we are comfortable with you If a guy is comfortable with a woman, on a personal, emotional, and mental level, that you 2 bare your bodies to one another, all is well. If that trust is not established, then it is likely the 1st hookup, which maybe rushed, will probably be the last, as he will not have the comfort with you on a personal level to care. The best way to disarm this misdirected fear is to confront it straightup. Cultures outside of the US focus on the person first and sex second. Get it right out there, EVERYONE wants sex, not just men. Men ONLY care about sex when there's NOTHING else for them to care about, and thus if a woman offers it rather quickly, he will take that and leave. For the girls I have heard about that were dating a guy, then dumped just after sex, my response is that he was planning on leaving anyways, he just got sex on the way out. Or perhaps the woman didn't want to lose a potentially good guy, so she threw that out there 'thinking' he wanted it. If you are comfortable in your skin - if you are healthy with your own sexuality - then a woman who prudently decides when to have sex will have more sex appeal than media hotty you can name (not that they are anyways). What guys want more than anything is a woman who guards her sexuality, and lets men know they are justly rewarded as the last man standing, or the victor, or the white knight. In this day and age, THE LAST thing man want is sex. They want a GREAT woman with whom they can have sex, and a life. Read the reports of miserable men who are married to or were dating Bipolar or manipulative women, whether or not they were nymphos. Ladies please disregard those fears and find your true feminine sexuality and let the men you date see you for who you are. ~DV I usually hate when people quote the entire post. But this was amazing and thank you for posting it. The dating part and sex part I get. But I am struggling with thinking of sex now that I will be revealing myself physically to someone as an older woman. I would love to be comfortable but there is part of me that just isn't. I just keep thinking I know what IS attractive. And any difference from that ISN'T. Soooo. Yeah. And this is difficult because I am a confident attractive woman - and I know that. I guess I just feel it more clothed than unclothed... When I was in my 20's and even early 30's I didn't have this feeling. It really sucks.
sonicranger Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 And this is difficult because I am a confident attractive woman - and I know that. I guess I just feel it more clothed than unclothed... When I was in my 20's and even early 30's I didn't have this feeling. It really sucks. You said it yourself, you ARE confident and attractive if you believe that you are. In my opinion as a 29 year old male, who was married to a woman 10 years older, if the guy is making the moves on you, wants to date you, have sex with you, whatever, he is VERY LIKELY attracted to YOU, just as you are. That means, if you're a little older and everything is a little lower, a little softer, whatever, he probably finds it sexy in a weird non-societal conforming way. Mainstream media tell us what is supposed to be attractive. I think thats a total line of BS. The average American woman is a few pounds overweight, many are MORE than a few. You can't honestly tell me that EVERY man who is involved with a "chubby" or few extra pounds woman thinks she needs to LOSE IT. I don't buy it for one minute. I'd say there are equal numbers of men who want a little "extra" on their woman as there are men who think its not attractive. The trouble of course is that society tells us to go for the "skinny chick" even if they're gross because they have no ass!!! LOL!!! I love me a great ass!
Island Girl Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I love me a great ass! I love your post. Really -- and that great ass...when it develops cellulite and the thighs are a big bigger - you wouldn't prefer them the other way? I guess that is what I am struggling with. I knew what I was strutting was phenomenal when I was younger but our bodies change. And now that I am venturing out into the dating world I am struggling with that insecurity somewhere within.
carhill Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 A man only knows the ass in front of him. Wait, that didn't come out right! Seriously, I can appreciate that kind of self-consciousness. It's normal. Men have it to. At my age, we start worrying about BPH and getting an erection, in addition to normal body image concerns. This is why, IMO, intimacy should develop before sex (and nudity) become part of the dynamic. With intimacy and trust, everything else just flows. You know your man wants you and loves your body as it is, because it is part of who you are. It's such a simple concept that I'm at a loss why people struggle so much.
sonicranger Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I love your post. Really -- and that great ass...when it develops cellulite and the thighs are a big bigger - you wouldn't prefer them the other way? I guess that is what I am struggling with. I knew what I was strutting was phenomenal when I was younger but our bodies change. And now that I am venturing out into the dating world I am struggling with that insecurity somewhere within. Honestly, I don't care. For petes sake my gf has a few stretch marks on her legs/thighs. They're a part of HER and seeing them didn't turn me off, I knew that it made her special. She's got a little belly too, of course SHE hates it but I think it's the sexiest thing I've ever seen. If you're familiar with the movie Pulp Fiction, reference the scene with Bruce Willis and his girlfriend in their motel room, she goes on and on about wanting a "pot belly", about how it would be so sexy...well she's right! So, as I said, embrace it cautiously, for you will find a man who loves grabbing your legs, your ass, your "tummy" and all your other bits. You'll love it too once you know he's not leaving.
mem11363 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 IG, Just over 10 years ago I was building a consulting group for a small software company in the US. I did a phone screen of a woman - Judy - and really liked her over the phone so I had her come in for an office interview. If I showed you a picture of her - she was 28 at the time - you would rate her maybe a 2 on a 10 scale. She was short-ish, fat-ish, terrible skin, pug nose. She was - and it is actually hard for me to type the word here - ugly on a purely visual level. Thing is she didn't know she was ugly. I mean she had no clue. Not the slightest notion. She did know she was smart - by God she was smart, and charming, yep she was delightful and assertive and she dressed very well. After 5 minutes I switched from interviewing her, to letting her interview me - hoping that she saw me as a kindred spirit. She started 2 weeks later and after 5 days of training I sent her to a client site to work with a team of consultants from a Big 5 company. By the end of the week their team lead said to me "wow - she really is whipping us into shape." They had been working with our product for over a year - she had 1-2 weeks experience - and there were 5 of them while she was the only person from our company at that account at the time. After the first hour you know longer "saw" her at all like you would see her picture. Best most powerful case of someone "shining through" I have ever experienced in my life. If we all worked more on "that" we would - myself included - spend a lot less time worrying how we look. I love your post. Really -- and that great ass...when it develops cellulite and the thighs are a big bigger - you wouldn't prefer them the other way? I guess that is what I am struggling with. I knew what I was strutting was phenomenal when I was younger but our bodies change. And now that I am venturing out into the dating world I am struggling with that insecurity somewhere within.
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