Myth: Guys Only Want Sex. Fact...

[DolceVenganza]

When I hear "guys only want sex," I begin to cringe. Sex is the essence of a relationship (from my perspective its male/female). It is the physical connection and expression of everything that we feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually about and toward that person.

 

Sex has been cheapened over the years for various reasons, including but not limited to, the feminist movement, pornography, changes in marital laws, erosion of religious values in relationships, and the physical maturation of our youth.

 

Suffice it so say, any guy worth his salt can 'wait' on sex. I've had my fair share of girlfriends and sex, and for every girl I have been with, I could have waited. For those I couldn't, sex would have been a non-issue anyways. Sex is a big deal. It's meant to unbind and break free of conformity. It is meant to be a wrestle and a romp with your significant other, and it is also meant to procreate life.

 

Such things are not possible with a mere one night stand. Yes, men want sex, but so do women. We care about sex because it is the quintessetial way to communicate what we feel about you. Items, nights out, vacations, love letters, holding hands, movies, etc, cannot communicate what being wrapped up with your lover can.

 

The female preoccupation with "men only want sex" is misdirection at best, derailing relationships. EVERYONE wants sex. What men ultimately care about as it pertains to this is:

 

a) you are open and care free

b) you aren't bringing sexual baggage with you to our doorstep

c) that you are clean and we are comfortable with you

 

If a guy is comfortable with a woman, on a personal, emotional, and mental level, that you 2 bare your bodies to one another, all is well. If that trust is not established, then it is likely the 1st hookup, which maybe rushed, will probably be the last, as he will not have the comfort with you on a personal level to care.

 

The best way to disarm this misdirected fear is to confront it straightup. Cultures outside of the US focus on the person first and sex second. Get it right out there, EVERYONE wants sex, not just men. Men ONLY care about sex when there's NOTHING else for them to care about, and thus if a woman offers it rather quickly, he will take that and leave.

 

For the girls I have heard about that were dating a guy, then dumped just after sex, my response is that he was planning on leaving anyways, he just got sex on the way out. Or perhaps the woman didn't want to lose a potentially good guy, so she threw that out there 'thinking' he wanted it.

 

If you are comfortable in your skin - if you are healthy with your own sexuality - then a woman who prudently decides when to have sex will have more sex appeal than media hotty you can name (not that they are anyways). What guys want more than anything is a woman who guards her sexuality, and lets men know they are justly rewarded as the last man standing, or the victor, or the white knight.

 

In this day and age, THE LAST thing man want is sex. They want a GREAT woman with whom they can have sex, and a life. Read the reports of miserable men who are married to or were dating Bipolar or manipulative women, whether or not they were nymphos. Ladies please disregard those fears and find your true feminine sexuality and let the men you date see you for who you are.

 

~DV

[carhill]

IME, part of the equation is women breaking the societal conditioning that, upon encountering a male who doesn't immediately pursue sexually, they deem him either uninterested or uninteresting. I'm applying this opinion to women who are otherwise healthy emotionally. Even a healthy person can have expectation become their reality when it's repeated often enough.

 

My overwhelming experience so far in life is with women who use sex as a tool rather than an expression of who they are and how they feel. Changing that path is my work.

[phineas]

IME, part of the equation is women breaking the societal conditioning that, upon encountering a male who doesn't immediately pursue sexually, they deem him either uninterested or uninteresting. I'm applying this opinion to women who are otherwise healthy emotionally. Even a healthy person can have expectation become their reality when it's repeated often enough.

 

and they will complain all men want is sex. don't forget that part.

 

My overwhelming experience so far in life is with women who use sex as a tool rather than an expression of who they are and how they feel. Changing that path is my work.

 

Since I have decided from now on I will not compliment a woman on her looks until she's is naked in front of me I am constantly amused at how it confuses them.

 

I never realized before hand how some women constantly & blatently fish for compliments.

 

I can't tell if it's just pure validation or their trying to figure out if I personally find them attractive.

[carhill]

LOL, I remember telling one of my stbx's married female friends, after she commented she was going back to the gym to 'get in shape'...... 'why, so you can look like a man?' She kissed me later on that night, repeatedly.

 

I never compliment women on their appearance. I did my stbx, but we were married. I will say things like 'that outfit really flatters you' or 'I think that color looks great on you'. Oh, I do remember mentioning to my female friend's sister, in front of her SO, that she looked great in 'those ef-me pumps' (a type of high heel shoe that is, well, suggestive of certain sexual positions ). Turns out she had a whole closet of them

[sumdude]

IME, part of the equation is women breaking the societal conditioning that, upon encountering a male who doesn't immediately pursue sexually, they deem him either uninterested or uninteresting. I'm applying this opinion to women who are otherwise healthy emotionally. Even a healthy person can have expectation become their reality when it's repeated often enough.

 

My overwhelming experience so far in life is with women who use sex as a tool rather than an expression of who they are and how they feel. Changing that path is my work.

 

This has been my experience too. I'm a slow mover and many women seem to figure that if I haven't made a big move quickly then they lose interest etc etc.

 

I think your parents and mine are the same generation. Mine also come from another culture. Sometimes it seems that everything I learned from my upbringing about courting, relationships and marriage is completely useless in 21st century dating.

 

Yikes.. I'm only 41 but sometimes feel sooo out of place.

[threebyfate]

Translation: Wimmins, have sex soon and often!

[b52s]

When I hear "guys only want sex," I begin to cringe. Sex is the essence of a relationship (from my perspective its male/female). It is the physical connection and expression of everything that we feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually about and toward that person.

 

Sex has been cheapened over the years for various reasons, including but not limited to, the feminist movement, pornography, changes in marital laws, erosion of religious values in relationships, and the physical maturation of our youth.

 

Suffice it so say, any guy worth his salt can 'wait' on sex. I've had my fair share of girlfriends and sex, and for every girl I have been with, I could have waited. For those I couldn't, sex would have been a non-issue anyways. Sex is a big deal. It's meant to unbind and break free of conformity. It is meant to be a wrestle and a romp with your significant other, and it is also meant to procreate life.

 

Such things are not possible with a mere one night stand. Yes, men want sex, but so do women. We care about sex because it is the quintessetial way to communicate what we feel about you. Items, nights out, vacations, love letters, holding hands, movies, etc, cannot communicate what being wrapped up with your lover can.

 

The female preoccupation with "men only want sex" is misdirection at best, derailing relationships. EVERYONE wants sex. What men ultimately care about as it pertains to this is:

 

a) you are open and care free

b) you aren't bringing sexual baggage with you to our doorstep

c) that you are clean and we are comfortable with you

 

If a guy is comfortable with a woman, on a personal, emotional, and mental level, that you 2 bare your bodies to one another, all is well. If that trust is not established, then it is likely the 1st hookup, which maybe rushed, will probably be the last, as he will not have the comfort with you on a personal level to care.

 

The best way to disarm this misdirected fear is to confront it straightup. Cultures outside of the US focus on the person first and sex second. Get it right out there, EVERYONE wants sex, not just men. Men ONLY care about sex when there's NOTHING else for them to care about, and thus if a woman offers it rather quickly, he will take that and leave.

 

For the girls I have heard about that were dating a guy, then dumped just after sex, my response is that he was planning on leaving anyways, he just got sex on the way out. Or perhaps the woman didn't want to lose a potentially good guy, so she threw that out there 'thinking' he wanted it.

 

If you are comfortable in your skin - if you are healthy with your own sexuality - then a woman who prudently decides when to have sex will have more sex appeal than media hotty you can name (not that they are anyways). What guys want more than anything is a woman who guards her sexuality, and lets men know they are justly rewarded as the last man standing, or the victor, or the white knight.

 

In this day and age, THE LAST thing man want is sex. They want a GREAT woman with whom they can have sex, and a life. Read the reports of miserable men who are married to or were dating Bipolar or manipulative women, whether or not they were nymphos. Ladies please disregard those fears and find your true feminine sexuality and let the men you date see you for who you are.

 

~DV

 

 

Yeah, we want sex..........eventually. Even in marriage. lol

[ADF]

OP, you assert many things without evidence, which undermines your credibility.

 

For example, how the heck did the feminist movement makes sex worse? Before feminism, women were second class citizens. Many--maybe even most--women didn't even know what orgasms were.

 

What evidence do have that pornography made sex worse? People talk and talk about the evils of porn, as if its bad effects had been proven. They haven't been.

 

And for the love of Joe Pesci, what good did religion ever do human sexuality? Nearly every religion on earth teaches us to be disgusted by our own sexuality.

 

You really need to rethink a few things.

Edited December 15, 2009 by ADF

[sumdude]

OP, you assert many things without evidence, which undermines your credibility.

 

Many--maybe even most--women didn't even know what orgasms were.

 

 

...and the evidence for this comes from?

 

Not that I'm agreeing with the original post but really..

[threebyfate]

Whoah, apologies to the OP. Was I ever off in my initial scan of your post.

[Miko]

OP, you assert many things without evidence, which undermines your credibility.

 

For example, how the heck did the feminist movement makes sex worse? Before feminism, women were second class citizens. Many--maybe even most--women didn't even know what orgasms were.

 

What evidence do have that pornography made sex worse? People talk and talk about the evils of porn, as if its bad effects had been proven. They haven't been.

 

And for the love of Joe Pesci, what good did religion ever do human sexuality? Nearly every religion on earth teaches us to be disgusted by our own sexuality.

 

You really need to rethink a few things.

 

C'mon man, nothing is ever really proven. Does there need to be a big fancy(and rigged) study in order for something to be true? Everything that's ever been proven started as an opinion or a theory.

 

I do think that religion(usually) teaches that sex has VALUE, which in our society it has become a commodity more than anything else. It might as well have it's own ticker on f'ing bloomberg.com for gods sake for as much of it is being sold.

Edited December 15, 2009 by Miko

[starryeyed12]

I've read and seen documentaries that scientists are learning more about sex, love, and the brain. Love as we know it today was something learned through evolution. Sex may have always felt good, but its most defining purpose has always been for a male to ejaculate and impregnate a female who then procreates. Scientists believe that the earliest adaptations toward our modern day ideas of love came about as females and males had to form a lifelong partnership in order for their offspring to survive. In theory, men who concentrated on spreading the most seed, but did not form a partnership with their mate ended up losing most of his offspring. Men and women who formed partnerships had much higher success rates with raising offspring. Survival of the fittest.

 

Feelings such as togetherness, caring, and working as a team were among the first traits to evolve into our modern day concept of love. Sex becoming a "love making" act is a relatively new concept, and we are one of the few species to have evolved to this point.

 

Modern day institutions have made their mark trying to define and redefine these barely understood concepts, and have created in this process, among other things, fear, shame, and confusion toward sexuality in both males and females. Along with the creation of contraceptives, making sex available for more than just procreation, its no wonder sex has become a commodity, as well as a source of controversy. Men and women want sex, but not always for the same reasons. As long as sex exists, it will be used by people differently. As long as the concept of love exists and is not clearly understood, it will be see and understood by people differently. The key is finding someone who sees sex and love as you do, even as those concepts are constantly changing their meaning in the world and within ourselves.

[doushenka]

IME, part of the equation is women breaking the societal conditioning that, upon encountering a male who doesn't immediately pursue sexually, they deem him either uninterested or uninteresting.

 

Happy to break that one! It's better when it means something, and if it won't ever mean something, why bother?

 

My overwhelming experience so far in life is with women who use sex as a tool rather than an expression of who they are and how they feel. Changing that path is my work.

 

Oh, if you lived nearer-by, found women my age attractive, and were willing to be part of a long-term polyfidelitous relationship...

 

[carhill]

Is polyfidelitous a word ??

[doushenka]

Properly, it's probably "polyfaithful"; the concept is new enough that I'm honestly not sure! Good question.

[Angel1111]

I don't think that men only want sex, but when they don't encounter a meaningful relationship for awhile, they're way more prone to one-night stands than women are. That's just a fact. I think sex has been cheapened because people sleep with one another too quickly; before they get to know one another.

[aerogurl87]

Well I know my boyfriend isn't in it only for the sex, actually if anything he'd probably think I was in it for the sex and not much else.

 

I agree though with the OP, if a guy leaves a girl after they have sex then that was his plan all along. But not all guys are the type to "hit it and quit it" as my mother would say.

[carhill]

Here's another nuance to ponder:

 

While a woman might complain that men only want sex, perhaps instead of a committed relationship, would she honestly be attracted to a man who presented the aura of not wanting sex right away, preferring romance and physical affection to lead up to sex at a later time. Hold that. I'm not saying what she 'wants', but rather what she is 'attracted' to. Remember, these men have completely different auras about them. They view women in different ways. We see this all the time on LS.

 

Imagine being used to fending off men's sexual advances and then being confronted with a man who doesn't act that way. A relief, you say, emphatically. I believe you. But, within that relief, does there lie attraction? Interesting.

 

The reverse corollary is the man who is continually bombarded by drama queens and finally meets a 'nice girl'; a woman who is mature, knows herself and is emotionally stable. Would he, being conditioned to drama, find her attractive? Or, would she be boring? Not boring in the absolute sense, but emotionally. Non-stimulative, comparatively.

 

I'll provide some anecdotal results from the 45-55 demographic as I begin to date again in the coming year. It's bound to be enlightening

[aerogurl87]

Here's another nuance to ponder:

 

While a woman might complain that men only want sex, perhaps instead of a committed relationship, would she honestly be attracted to a man who presented the aura of not wanting sex right away, preferring romance and physical affection to lead up to sex at a later time. Hold that. I'm not saying what she 'wants', but rather what she is 'attracted' to. Remember, these men have completely different auras about them. They view women in different ways. We see this all the time on LS.

 

Imagine being used to fending off men's sexual advances and then being confronted with a man who doesn't act that way. A relief, you say, emphatically. I believe you. But, within that relief, does there lie attraction? Interesting.

 

Good question carhill. I was in this exact situation where I went from being used to dating jerks who wanted to f**k me before I could even get my name out of my mouth to my boyfriend now. When I started dating him, my whole world was flipped. He did sweet little things for me, respected my boundaries, and was a complete gentleman. So to be honest, I had no idea what to do since I wasn't used to being with a good guy although I complained all the time about not being able to find one. Also, truth be told as much as I found him attractive in his own way, for some reason he lacked the "luster" I had grown attracted to (ex. unbelievable arrogance). But I can honestly say that with hindsight, I'm happier with him than I was with all those jerks I was interested in and dated in the past.

[carhill]

The upside of a non- 'hit it and quit it' guy is that he generally sees things more long-term and has more patience. The downside is, generally, lack of drama, something which is emotionally stimulating to a lot of women. I often heard the complaint of 'I hate drama' but that same person would remain with the impetus of that drama like a moth stuck circling a flame. This is the psychological juxtaposition between want and attraction, IMO.

 

Happy to hear you found someone with whom you fit well. Best wishes

[FilthMerchant]

Here are two absolute truths, whether you find them ugly or not, that's up to you:

 

A guy needs good sex in a relationship or he will not enjoy it and he will feel lonely. (I would say the same for women, but I am not a woman)

 

'Taking the bullets out of the gun' ie having regular sex with the guy WILL prevent cheating. Lack of sexual fulfilment is almost ALWAYS the cause of men cheating.

 

This leads us to the fact that it is the responsibility of BOTH parties to a relationship to ensure regular, fulfilling sex continues. A woman that stops having sex, or has sex more rarely or witholds it for whatever reason, is essentially the same as the man that stops listening and refuses to provide any emotional support.

[ADF]

...and the evidence for this comes from?

 

Not that I'm agreeing with the original post but really..

 

The is a huge body of literature documenting this. You can go back as far as the Kinsey Report on female sexuality. A shocking number of women never had orgasms.

[sally4sara]

Since I have decided from now on I will not compliment a woman on her looks until she's is naked in front of me I am constantly amused at how it confuses them.

 

I prefer compliments about things I do rather than the way I look. If the only compliments you can think to give a woman are sexual and physical ones, you really can't say men don't only want sex with a straight face can you?

[phineas]

I prefer compliments about things I do rather than the way I look. If the only compliments you can think to give a woman are sexual and physical ones, you really can't say men don't only want sex with a straight face can you?

 

There are two reasons I don't compliment a womans appearance until i'm sleeping with her.

 

One is the obvious game playing. The other is I don't want them to think i'm only interested in sex. Since a lot of men make the mistake of doing this women assume they only want sex.

 

I compliment them on the things they do only.

 

By the way I am not only interested in sex, but if I have to put up with a woman's issues I better be getting laid. If not, then whats the purpose of a relationship?

I can just rub one out & sit around in my boxers watching TV & smoking cigars & be just as happy.

[sally4sara]

There are two reasons I don't compliment a womans appearance until i'm sleeping with her.

 

One is the obvious game playing. The other is I don't want them to think i'm only interested in sex. Since a lot of men make the mistake of doing this women assume they only want sex.

 

I compliment them on the things they do only.

 

By the way I am not only interested in sex, but if I have to put up with a woman's issues I better be getting laid. If not, then whats the purpose of a relationship?

I can just rub one out & sit around in my boxers watching TV & smoking cigars & be just as happy.

 

That's cool.

 

For every moment a guy spends putting up with a woman's issues, he needs to understand she's putting up with his too.