9Lives Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 end of 4yr rel...off and on...broke up for 1 month and a 1/2....still trying to make it thru... It is funny how when you are away, you get to think things thru and get a better perspective of your past relationship and your life. At first you are so blinded by the pain that you will do ANYTHING to get that pain out your body so you can feel like yourself again. I am starting to realize really that the worst thing you should do is hook up with someone else. You do need time to reflect and rebuild. That pain blinds you to that though. You will do anything to get away from the pain, the thoughts...heart break is very painful inside. i respect it now. my ex is already in some kind of relationship..he says it is open. That means he wants to be able to get ass without expectation. that's him. I am reflecting, crying, and trying not to date any of his friends that were after me. I know that is ugly but some of them I did like but I didnt want to disrespect him so I didnt go there. Deep down inside, I really dont want to do that. Its just ugly nut for some reason, it crosses my mind.. I just hope my ex looks back and realizes it wasnt so bad. All I did was support him and love him. But that was too much.
sean1970 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I'm wrestling with the phrase, "Time is a healer" (NC time that is)... It just does not seem accurate. Time seems more like something that helps you forget more than it is a physician. Time creates a distance from them; something that gives meaning to "out of site, out of mind" (and heart). This is why I feel so much for the people here that have to work with an ex, or worse, have children. That is why time, by itself, does very little IMHO. It's what you do with that time that promotes healing.
nobmagnet Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 it wasnt too much!!!!!!!!!! he is a lowly worm! hey love retain your dignaty, wait till your radiant and happy again and then you will have a good time. he is a pratt that deservesto catch something. hupm "open relationship" what a smallow man. Take heart my love its tempting to relace your selfworth with a hansome chap but if you havent healed yet you will fall back into the pattern of "Why hasnt he called? does he like me? " it will hurt all again. (i know i found a beutiful distraction i was oooh so tempted but got all daft when he didnt text doh I wansnt ready) your lovely he is not x
Author 9Lives Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 I'm wrestling with the phrase, "Time is a healer" (NC time that is)... It just does not seem accurate. Time seems more like something that helps you forget more than it is a physician. Time creates a distance from them; something that gives meaning to "out of site, out of mind" (and heart). This is why I feel so much for the people here that have to work with an ex, or worse, have children. That is why time, by itself, does very little IMHO. It's what you do with that time that promotes healing. I still believe time heals. it is part of the physican. It is like when you are ill...you take this...you do that....then ALL those things together lead to the results of healing. When your heart is broken, it is emotional turmoil. you are fcked up. Time is your friend cause you have to keep moving forward and there is nothing else you can do. time doesnt stand still..thank God. Out of sight...out of mind??? Not really. Out of sight..still ALL over my mind..but again...time helps that too. YES the time you do spend helps with healing
Author 9Lives Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 it wasnt too much!!!!!!!!!! he is a lowly worm! hey love retain your dignaty, wait till your radiant and happy again and then you will have a good time. he is a pratt that deservesto catch something. hupm "open relationship" what a smallow man. Take heart my love its tempting to relace your selfworth with a hansome chap but if you havent healed yet you will fall back into the pattern of "Why hasnt he called? does he like me? " it will hurt all again. (i know i found a beutiful distraction i was oooh so tempted but got all daft when he didnt text doh I wansnt ready) your lovely he is not x I love love love your UK accent coming thru the pages of this message!!!!!!!!! All I could do was laugh laugh laugh. it was very refreshing. Thank you and thank you. Yeah I have many options but no motiivation to go after them. I know that I am not ready for too much of anything. I think I want attention and then when I get it...i say slow down and all he said was how are you...lol That is how I know I am not healed
nobmagnet Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 true true true hey tho.............its great to get the attention???? I have spent a small fortune on clothes because.........i can and because i want to look pretty for a change! It nice to be noticed and admired and for once "my love"(hahah) WE are in control. I think it has helped my recovery no end to be admired, chatted up and be a tad flirty!!! It means that WE are lovely people and deserve to be happy but on our terms when WE are ready. Doff my cap to you my sweet. Chin Chin xx
Author 9Lives Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 true true true hey tho.............its great to get the attention???? I have spent a small fortune on clothes because.........i can and because i want to look pretty for a change! It nice to be noticed and admired and for once "my love"(hahah) WE are in control. I think it has helped my recovery no end to be admired, chatted up and be a tad flirty!!! It means that WE are lovely people and deserve to be happy but on our terms when WE are ready. Doff my cap to you my sweet. Chin Chin xx LOL.... I love it!!!
teanoranges Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I had the same feelings about his friends too. I wanted to hook up with them for my own selfish reasons of feeling love and desired, as well as the idea that maybe it'd get back to him. But that's cruel and as much as his friends never were the best of friends to me (they were mutual friends before we started going out) I couldn't do that to them, especially if they started getting serious feelings... .... I'm just not the type to 'hook up' call me crazy, call me young, but for some odd reason I don't think I could be sexual with someone I didn't love... (unlike him)
Author 9Lives Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 I had the same feelings about his friends too. I wanted to hook up with them for my own selfish reasons of feeling love and desired, as well as the idea that maybe it'd get back to him. But that's cruel and as much as his friends never were the best of friends to me (they were mutual friends before we started going out) I couldn't do that to them, especially if they started getting serious feelings... .... I'm just not the type to 'hook up' call me crazy, call me young, but for some odd reason I don't think I could be sexual with someone I didn't love... (unlike him) yeah I think a part of me wants to get back with him and get with one of his friends cause I know how he feels about that. It is like seriously two of them are really hot!! They both have came on to me but I turned them down cause of him. It would piss him off so bad. It turns me on but I dont know how I would feel about myself later about it so I have not done it.
Kantor Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Im just going to go out and say that this may make you feel better in the short run, what does it say about you in the long run? Don't do it.
Author 9Lives Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Im just going to go out and say that this may make you feel better in the short run, what does it say about you in the long run? Don't do it. right. not going to
XKatieX Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I think it kinda depends on how the relationship was before. Not many people leave for no reason, but some people just aren't satisified with one person so they move on to the next. I think if the relationship was very flawed, and not easy fixes, then I think with time it will be easier to see why it didn't work out and you eventually become more distant, as Sean said. If however the relationship was great, just one wasn't getting what they wanted..it may be harder to move forward and forget.
Kic Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 We're all emotional creatures. Time helps the emotions wane. Regret, anger, sadness, loneliness, etc. We eventually realize that breaking up is not as big a deal as it seemed like a month or year ago and that there are other priorities and other people in this world that are more important to spend our time and energy on.
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