Lucky555 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Recently i met a guy who was in college as am i. I didn't mind going out on cheap dates with him. He used to be attractive in my eyes but i have come less attracted to him. I pay for our outings-inexpensive stuff so we can see eachother a couple times a week. he said he was going to college...but now he is telling me he is going to drop out. In school all he does is want to pass. (um right so how is he supposed to get a good career ?) he smokes, told me he is trying to quit, but continues to not show signs of wanting to quit. (i can't handle the smoke it makes me sick..yet he still smokes around me and wants to kiss me.EW!) He says he is my boyfriend. I have not said i am his girlfriend. I am pretty much almost done school and he has only done one semester. I think we are too different. Time to end it right? I'm not satisfied. He made himself out to be having good qualities about himself but they were lies.
temple Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Yes it's time to end it. I think you answered your own question with this post He doesn't sound like relationship material for you at all.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Yup, sounds like you're better off with someone else. He doesn't sound very promising. Glad you posted this though - I was seeing a guy a few weeks ago... HE called it off, but it was the same scenario: He isn't doing much with his life, while I am. He doesn't work, doesn't drive, doesn't go to school. I knew all this, was turned off, but told myself I'd make it work. Well it didn't and I was okay with him ending things. That was, until last night! Hes dating someone new now, and hes much more flirtacious and loving with her. He's still the same guy though. I was choked and sad all the same. I nearly burst in tears. Anyways, your post has reminded me that just because a guy seems attractive at first, if his goals are not meeting your standards, its okay to say no, and really... I should be happy that guy got away. So thanks!
D-Jam Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Time to end it right? I'm not satisfied. He made himself out to be having good qualities about himself but they were lies. I agree. Definitely end it and look for a better match. He needs to get into his head that a loser/lazy/quitter attitude will only become girl-repellent.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 He needs to get into his head that a loser/lazy/quitter attitude will only become girl-repellent. Sadly, it doesn't always work that way! I know lots of lazy/loser men that I've fallen for.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 i agree with you all. I just am horrible at ending things. I can say he is very very attractive but not long term potential. He is very loving, very chatty..also it seems he is trying to be with me because i am going somewhere with my life and he isn't. He said he only wants me blah blah blah. I don't believe it because he is a bit secretive. I plan on leaving the area in a few days forever actually. HAHAHA. it will end well, i can see it now. This is how i plan it to be. We will depart in a friendly manner and say we will keep in touch. Then we don't keep in touch because he after all is still immature and will see other girls. I already told him to do this and not stop his life. I am ENCOURAGING HIM. I was hoping he would end it with me. This always happens to me..if i am aloof he chases. If i am needy he chases, if i am a bitch he chases. The man just keeps coming towards me all because he is needy and probably wants someone to take care of him. IT wont be me. The guy is a lazy hot loser. No matter how much affection he can give me i can't tolerate knowing he is a loser. Oh someday my great guy will come along. So far i have been on a streak of dating losers....who appear to be great in the beginning and then they turn out to be losers. I wish i knew what i needed to do to attract a good, decent, attractive guy!!!! im frustrated.
cognac Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 He sounds like a good person who doesn't know himself yet, I can identify with him. If you want someone who is loving and attractive, stay with him. If you want someone who is "Driven" (IE will one day make a lot of money) leave him. You just have to realize some of us guys don't fit into the mold society has built for us. Not going to college and smoking doesn't make you a loser. The word loser is such a subjective term that women use way too liberally. Being an unjust person with no heart and no love for anything but money is what makes you a loser. Being good at school, being a non-smoker, and having a "good career" does not make you a good or decent person.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 cognac: he is using me. He can afford cigerettes but not a date..um clearly there is something wrong with this picture. he knows i hate that he smokes and he said he would quit yet makes no effort to do so. He basically lied to me about what career field he was going into and now wants to drop out. I am way to smart for a loser like this. I have a lot going for myself and want the same in another. he has just lied to make himself appear better than what he actually was and this makes him a loser. Money isnt everything but it does take money for a decent life and a decent date! I wanted someone similar to myself and he isnt that. he is a loser clearly. he uses women to better himself and thinks by being extra attentive will get him through to the next phase. I am open to love, trust, and compatibility. He isnt that.
carhill Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 So, consider him your final exam for successfully ending a relationship. Don't run off and leave the area before dealing with it.
cognac Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 cognac: he is using me. He can afford cigerettes but not a date..um clearly there is something wrong with this picture. he knows i hate that he smokes and he said he would quit yet makes no effort to do so. He basically lied to me about what career field he was going into and now wants to drop out.[/Quote] How do you know he lied? I'm currently in college and changed majors 3 different times. So what if you hate that he smokes? He is a grown man and can do what he wants. I bet there are things he hates about you would probably find offensive if he told you to stop doing them. You sound like a control freak. I am way to smart for a loser like this. I have a lot going for myself and want the same in another. he has just lied to make himself appear better than what he actually was and this makes him a loser. [/Quote] If you were that much smarter than him you wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place. Intelligence is far more than booksmarts by the way. Money isnt everything but it does take money for a decent life and a decent date![/Quote] So what if you had to pay for a few dates? How many times do GUYS have to pick up the tab? 90% of the time! I wanted someone similar to myself and he isnt that. he is a loser clearly. he uses women to better himself and thinks by being extra attentive will get him through to the next phase. [/Quote] I don't think so. Women let him use them (although I'd like to see how other than you paying for a handful of dates he is using you((by that definition most women use men)) because he is very good looking. I am open to love, trust, and compatibility. He isnt that. You said he was, just that you don't like the fact that isn't going to get that 7 figure career you thought he was shooting for. Stop thinking with your pocket book and bank account, and start thinking with your heart.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 How do you know he lied? I'm currently in college and changed majors 3 different times. So what if you hate that he smokes? He is a grown man and can do what he wants. I bet there are things he hates about you would probably find offensive if he told you to stop doing them. You sound like a control freak. If you were that much smarter than him you wouldn't have gone out with him in the first place. Intelligence is far more than booksmarts by the way. So what if you had to pay for a few dates? How many times do GUYS have to pick up the tab? 90% of the time! I don't think so. Women let him use them (although I'd like to see how other than you paying for a handful of dates he is using you((by that definition most women use men)) because he is very good looking. You said he was, just that you don't like the fact that isn't going to get that 7 figure career you thought he was shooting for. Stop thinking with your pocket book and bank account, and start thinking with your heart. I will think with my smarts if anything. He "pretends like he loves me" (my bad for saying he actually does) because he has nothing going for him. He also misrepresented himself the first place! It isnt till now he tells me he is dropping out of school. Hey i was hoping he would dump me actually. He lied about some other stuff too. So if its this early that these things are happening then i dont want to deal with it and its not like i have to because its over. I know what i want and that is someone like myself..thats what i said and its my choice to want that.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 So, consider him your final exam for successfully ending a relationship. Don't run off and leave the area before dealing with it. good idea. I know i don't want to be leaving and taking off without saying we are over. But i think he tried to play me in the beginning. Then he found out that i am a great person. He just soo lied about little things and misrepresented who he was. I am wanting different things in my life right now and he only has just started to begin to build his life. he has a prior history of drug use which i found out only later on and he still enjoys his beer and parties. Me i am ready to build a grown up life. just thought to add that piece of info. I have had the talk that long distance relationships don't work for me and that i am thinking that he should find other people with whom he is compatible.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Yep, I'd cut it off. Maybe not so much for thinking he's being dishonest. More that the guy doesn't have the first freaking clue what he wants or who he is. I wouldn't want to be in relationship with someone that unstable.
carhill Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Relationships can end for good reasons and bad reasons. The reasons don't change the process, IMO. Clarify, communicate and end. My stbx and I clearly had that conversation where we agreed calmly, without insults or yelling, that it would be best to divorce. Thus started the process. Whatever your reasons are, they are your reasons and owning them and communicating them clearly will help you in a positive way. His perspective and his feelings are his responsibility. Ensure that he takes that responsibility Think about it this way. No matter what he said or what he did, you did what you know in your mind and soul is the right thing to do for you and you did it in a way you feel good about. This is the first positive step towards meeting that 'decent' guy you say there is a dearth of. OK, let's go
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