Awesome Username Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 It has been months and I have worked hard at the same job for almost a year. It's morning - I've only had four hours of sleep again. I am walking into the office with a huge vanilla latte and my laptop bag - my hair is somehow still super cute. Mister Perfect, who is a technical genius and in charge of backend server stuff and can code like nobody's business, has been in the office for two days. He hasn't shaven, he has a crumply white button down shirt on, and he smells like man and wears glasses. He looks like Captain Kirk and Iron Man put together, and he has saved the game from crashing somehow and has saved the entire office from being fired, singlehandedly. The ladies want him, but he doesn't seem to respond very much to their attention. He falls asleep at his desk, and everyone lets him sleep there all day because he is a hero. When he wakes up, I give him a Red Bull and he tells me that he'll walk me to my bus stop. On the way to the bus, there are ninjas and guys with chains and bats ready to mug us for everything we have. I scream super girly like. He gets in the middle of them, and tells them to "Leave her alone, or I'll crush you!" One of the bad guys grabs me and Mr. Hot EXPLODES with fury, beating all fourteen of them to the point where they're all laying on the ground, not moving. He has a small trickle of blood running down this side of his mouth, but his glasses aren't even cracked. He says, "Screw the bus, I've got this covered!" and drives me home in his RAD robot-y car that can also turn into a truck and maybe flies. We start hanging out in the office after hours because we're too wound up to go home, and we secretly make a game ourselves. One day he comes up to me, wearing a tight black shirt and looking unfathomably hot, and says, "I have a secret underground lab where we can create our own robot android technology. We will be a team. I need you, AU! I need you because you know exactly how to design androids!" He takes me to his secret underground cave that has a fireplace. We make video games in the daytime, but at nighttime we make robot androids. We research robots and get investors by traveling the world, and I have a lot of opportunities to wear cocktail dresses. He slowly falls in love with me, and we do it under a waterfall and it rules. One day, he asks to marry me. I say yes, and instead of giving me a ring he gives me an android arm for my left hand that shoots lasers and can open any lock ever made. He doesn't cheat on me, and he always opens the door for me. He loves spicy Cajun food. The End. Your turn!
purgatori Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Buffy Summers reveals that she isn't really attracted to square-jawed, bulbous brutes with hypertrophied necks and atrophied brains, and that, free of the cruel tyranny of Joss Whedon's unconscionable typewriter, she is in fact hopelessly drawn to androgynous geeks who won't treat her like crap. The end. If the world were a just place, I could have just written: "Buffy Summers. The end." Unfortunately, though, the character featured a solitary, but insuperable, defect which needed to be abolished before qualifying as 'the perfect woman.'
neowulf Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 When the zombie apocalypse came, there was no one else I'd rather have at my side. The girls with their perfect nails and handbag puppies were the first against the wall in the new world order. Not my girl. She was at my side with a shotgun in hand, taking care of business as only she knows how. We survive against the odds, sustaining ourselves on cans of beans, $300 bottles of champagne and a lobster I swipe from a 5 star hotel buffet. Times are harsh, yet we know we've got each other's back, come what may. She' s looks like the love child of Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas. Slays me with her smouldering looks and her killer smile. Sex is a tight fitting white singlet, cammo pants and jack boots. By night we make love with a passion that drowns out the stars, taking us miles above ourselves and out of sight. The future is uncertain.. but one thing is sure. So long as we breath, we'll have each other.
Recommended Posts