can't handle a relationship right now, advice needed

[xpressyaself22]

So I dated this guy for close to three months, things were going great, except that he's a store manager so right now he's crazy busy with the holidays, and he's in school as well, and it's finals time, so we haven't been able to see much of each other, which I was good about, and understanding. One night I knew he was studying so I texted him a few times, and he texted back, but I didn't want to distract him because so I told him "well I don't want to bug you, I know you have a ton of studying to do, so I just wanted to say hi" he flipped out and got mad about it, so I apologized and tried to call him, to see why he was so angry, he didn't answer but texted back and said he would text me, but he didn't want to talk. Then out of nowhere tells me that "we can be good friends, but he doesn't think he can handle a relationship right now" I basically told him that I felt like I got blindsided, and felt like an idiot for trying to be considerate of his situation with finals, I've heard all the horror stories about people not being able to be friends after a relationship, so I asked him "you say we can be good friends, but in reality how often does that happen?" he just responded with "why wouldn't it?," so I told him fine, and that I would need my time to get over this, and not to be suprised if I took a few days to myself and had no contact with him, and he said "it's not you I just can't handle a relationship for where I'm at in my life, I have way too many other things I need to invest my time in"

 

I guess I'm confused because I've read around on the forums, and in most situations like this everyone says that people use that as an excuse and just aren't that into you, or they have someone new, hardly any positive. Him not wanting to talk about it has left me in a crappy position because I don't know if he's going to be ready for a relationship anytime soon, if he's okay with me seeing other guys, because I don't plan to just sit around and wait forever. Second after that conversation the whole attitude of our texts completely changed, it was fun, and flirty and we could joke around before, then it became just me initiating the texts and when he replied they would just be one word answers, and I got the impression he didn't want to text or really have anything to do with me anymore and he still wouldn't call and hasn't called me to this day. He says nothing will change and we will still hang out, but we haven't hung out at all. Basically I got tired of feeling like he had no interest in me, so I stopped initiating texting him thinking that's what he wanted. Well then he texts me saying hi and asking what I was up to, and two times now I've told him I'm not doing anything and I'm bored, and he's at home playing video games, but he doesn't ask if I want to hang out. I blatently asked when we were going to see each other again and he said "IDK soon hopefully" and nothing else was said about it.

 

So my question is, do you guys think he's still interested, since he's still texting me, despite the fact that I stopped, and now that he's doing the initiating he's coming around with the playful texts, last night he told me that I should stay awake awhile so he could text me in between studying, and it seemed more fun, but still I don't what to do, Ideally, I'd love to be in a relationship with him, he's been a great guy, I don't want to hurt his feelings if I go out and see other guys, but at the same time I don't want to wait around for months on end for him to decide he's ready for a relationship, he's busy and I understand, and I respect that, but it's such a confusing situation now. And he won't even bring the whole issue up.....

 

 

Any advice????

Edited December 15, 2009 by xpressyaself22
typo in title

[Ronni_W]

I'd suggest it is not going to be "months on end" -- the holidays will be done in three weeks, and his work life will become more 'normal' again.

 

At that point (around Jan. 1), ask him if he's up to getting together with you for a coffee, and when would be a good time.

If you can hold off seeing other guys for the three weeks, I can't see that hurting your chances with this guy. If you GOTTA see other guys in the meantime...well, you know best how that might go over with this guy.

 

If I may add. You were not all that understanding/respectful of the time that he needed to prep for his exams. No texts would have been good texts when you knew were his study times. Texts at those times come off as needy and/or inconsiderate. But also. He was a doofus for not just turning off his 'phones, pagers and beepers' so that he could not be disturbed. It was HIS job to ensure that he had proper, quiet, uninterrupted study time.

 

Good luck with it -- hopefully you two can work it out in the New Year