bitteorca Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I was dating a girl for a bit, went out with her 4/5 times. She seemed pretty into me, texted me quite a bit, a few calls, held my hand, kissed me etc etc. She's just told me tonight she wanted to be on her own, and wasnt ready for anything. She said she did like me, but wasn't ready for the dating thing. I'm pretty confused. I've got various explanations...It could have been something I did. I think I got a bit moody when she sed she was busy one day, or didn't text me back one time (she was in bed). I think she just got the impression that I might of been a bit clingy or looking for sumthin too deep, maybe rushing it a bit. I think I am guilty of these things, I might still be suffering a slight hangover from my exgf, I wasn't needy or clingy at all with her. Another explanation is that she is completely telling the truth. She came out of a relationship like a month and a half ago, so maybe the timing just wasn't right. Maybe she does really like me, she did text me, kiss me, ring me etc and said she had fun all the time. But perhaps she just realised that it was getting a bit too hot. Maybe she'd kind of 'conquered' me, and she then realised a relationship wasnt what she wanted. another explanation is that another person is involved. I doubt it, just judging what she is like. I don't say that because it scares me, I don't think I would care all that much, not far enough down the line! But I just doubt it, but hey still a possibility. Half of me thinks...good, I don't need to waste my time any more, pat her on the back for letting me know (even though I did ask her, because I could smell something going off). But on the other hand, rejection is never nice I feel I'm back at square one. I tend to get with a few women on nights out etc, but never seem to meet the right ones, I just don't know where. My group of friends isn't really mixed gender, and it proves difficult to meet girls that I would class as girlfriend material. I think in the back of my head, this girl wasn't the one from little hints I got, and just knowing her (I forgot to mention, she was an ex from a long time ago!) but I think I may have found comfort in it somehow. Maybe I thought she'd changed or something. She's a nice girl after all. I dunno, rejection is rubbish, which ever angle you look at it from!
Miko Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I say f*** it keep trying anyway since she says she likes you. She's not going to decide she's 'ready' until some new guy comes along that calls bull$hit and pursues anyway. It might as well be you if you want her.
Author bitteorca Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 really? keep pursuing even though she's made it quite clear that she doesn't want anything more to happen as she just wants to be alone? Now that's not the LS response I was expecting! top points for subverting expectations! I'm not sure whether it's the right tactic though, I might seem really desperate?! I texted her telling her that I wasn't after anything mega serious yet aniway, and that if she fancied hanging out sometime with no expectations then we could do that. She hasn't text back though, ha! I think I can only leave it at that. I'm not trying really hard to reel her in if she doesn't want to, why should I?! If she can't make her mind up then so be it, her loss right?! And mine! ha. but hers as well still! I need to remember that I think
seibert253 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 really? keep pursuing even though she's made it quite clear that she doesn't want anything more to happen as she just wants to be alone? Now that's not the LS response I was expecting! top points for subverting expectations! I'm not sure whether it's the right tactic though, I might seem really desperate?! I texted her telling her that I wasn't after anything mega serious yet aniway, and that if she fancied hanging out sometime with no expectations then we could do that. She hasn't text back though, ha! I think I can only leave it at that. I'm not trying really hard to reel her in if she doesn't want to, why should I?! If she can't make her mind up then so be it, her loss right?! And mine! ha. but hers as well still! I need to remember that I think Perfect response IMO.
boogieboy Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I dont know what you did to turn her off, but you did. Now shes ignoring your calls. SHe either had to get far away from you for whatever reason, or she found someone shed rather try with. You only went out 6 times, and whatever reason she gave you was bullshyt. She was dating you so she IS ready for a relationship, just not with you. She lied to keep from having to tell you what you did wrong. Damn people suck.
D-Lish Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Why do you think she might have found you moody? Did you do or say something specific, or were you just silent? I think there is a reason you think she might have found you moody and why it may have been a turning point for her. Maybe if we know the specifics we could remedy it so it doesn't happen with the next girl? I do think something happened to turn her off though.
Author bitteorca Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 I dont know what you did to turn her off, but you did. Now shes ignoring your calls. SHe either had to get far away from you for whatever reason, or she found someone shed rather try with. You only went out 6 times, and whatever reason she gave you was bullshyt. She was dating you so she IS ready for a relationship, just not with you. She lied to keep from having to tell you what you did wrong. Damn people suck. - I don't know about this. I think I may have been a bit pushy when she couldn't hang out, but I'm not sure that she has to get far away from me! I dont know, it was pretty brief explanation. But it came about when she said she couldn't hang out one day because she was busy, and then I got a bit moody and asked her whether she was going to tell me and whether she can be bothered with it. About her being ready for a relationship, I don't think this is neccessarily the case. She didn't say sumthin like 'i dont think its working out with us' she said 'she just wants to be alone atm' and 'i do like you'. I think it may be because she has come out of a relationship relatively recently, maybe I dont know. Why do you think she might have found you moody? Did you do or say something specific, or were you just silent? I think there is a reason you think she might have found you moody and why it may have been a turning point for her. Maybe if we know the specifics we could remedy it so it doesn't happen with the next girl? I do think something happened to turn her off though. - I think its mainly me getting a bit moody when she couldn't hang out, which may have led her to believe I was after something a bit more serious than what she was. I maybe rushed it a bit too much. So do you not think that there is a possibility she just literally changed her mind about dating someone? I think I might send her a message on facebook just to see what the crack is properly. I don't think you can fit enough in texts. I just want to set out that if she wants to hang out and take it really slowly then im up for that. Think I'll send it in a week or so, good idea?
Author bitteorca Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Does anyone think this is a good idea? If I leave it for a week then I've had some time to think, and left her alone for a bit and thus don't come across as desperate (I don't think I actually am anyway!). I don't want to just give up at this stage because I feel like I've done something wrong that can possibly be corrected and remedied. I think its a bit of a waste if she liked me, but she just thought I was a bit too pushy or moody, because now I know where she stands on the seriousness scale I can take account of that. I wasn't even thinking about it that seriously in the first place anyway. I'd also tell her that if she ever changes her mind in the future or she thinks she's made the wrong decision or she thinks she's ready, she should drop me a line. I want to make that sound like I wouldn't be waiting for her though, because I really wouldn't! ha! But how would you actually word that?! It just seems a bit of a waste. I wouldn't keep on pursuing her if she didn't reply/burned me. I just feel like I want a bit more of an explanation, or a bit more clear of a burn! ha. And I'd rather tell her what I think, just so I know that I haven't missed the opportunity. This post probably makes me sound like I'm in love with her or something, I'm not. There will be plenty more girls around for me! The point is I'd just rather spit it all out to her and not feel like I've wasted an opportunity or haven't been informed properly as to the reasons why. Does that make sense?! I've posted again because I had to rush the end of the previous post because I was somewhere. And obviously the reasons as to why I want to send it are pretty important! Edited December 16, 2009 by bitteorca
Broseph Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Screw contacting her, I mean really any human that cant take a minute of their time to send a text back is pretty selfish. I mean by the sounds of your text it was worth a reply to me, even if it wasn't the answer u wanted. I know how u feel about being left in the dark but sometimes actions speak louder than words. She is obviously not text inept, she has texted you before and if she was really cared at all she would text you now. I mean she probably does/did like you but ask yourself what you want? It sounds to me that she is not what you want and you can do better. Let this one go for now I say and explore other better options.
Author bitteorca Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 thanks for the good advice broseph, you're probably right. I sent her a message anyway. I'm pretty glad I did, because now I don't have to worry about it. feels like a weight has been lifted off me, because at least now i've said my piece, and if she doesn't get back to me, so be it, i'm not that cut up about it it was better than leaving it by text. she hasn't got back to me yet, don't know whether she even will, but at least i've done my bit. thanks again
boogieboy Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 I told ya! You'll find out if you hang around here enough the lies people tell to spare themselves guilt. In stead of telling you she lost interest in you (she didnt want to have to tell you why) she told you she needed to be alone atm. Actually when she said "i need to be alone atm" she actually meant "i dont think its working out with us" then she ignored you so you couldnt ask why. Most people are too cowardly to tell the truth. It sucks, but it happens so often, you'll understand more when you read around here more. And thats my Consummate opinion.
Author bitteorca Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 I told ya! You'll find out if you hang around here enough the lies people tell to spare themselves guilt. In stead of telling you she lost interest in you (she didnt want to have to tell you why) she told you she needed to be alone atm. Actually when she said "i need to be alone atm" she actually meant "i dont think its working out with us" then she ignored you so you couldnt ask why. Most people are too cowardly to tell the truth. It sucks, but it happens so often, you'll understand more when you read around here more. And thats my Consummate opinion. Thats a perfectly valid theory as well. I think the important thing is that no one really knows apart from the people involved, so only she really knows. Its all very well trying to read into what people say and do, but no one ever really can understand apart from that person. She might well have lost interest, she might well need to be alone, she might well have found someone else. Hell, i've told people somethings in the past and not meant it, ive told people somethings and not known what the hell I have meant myself. I suppose it comes down to the intricacies of human relations! I'm not saying that to protect face either. I'm not scared if she lost interest in me, its not a deflating prospect. People lose interest for many various reasons. I think if she has lost interest in me its probably because I seemed like I wanted something a bit more serious than what she did. This shouldn't deflate my self-confidence, after all she did like me, did fancy me etc. Some people just don't work out. If everyone worked out it would be pretty boring and pretty non-selective. You wouldn't find your 'perfect' partner so to speak. If I did something wrong, then that shouldn't negatively effect me either, its a learning process after all. Back to my specific situation, I personally believe that she does like me, but I was too pushy with her, and possibly we do atually want different things, for the moment anyway. I think she got hints of this, when I think retrospectively think of some of the things I have said. But again, its just a theory, who knows maybe she'll let me know one day, I have a feeling I will talk to her again, but in what context I have no idea! And life goes on, on to the next....
paddington bear Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 what you've got to remember is, it's not about you. Was I too this, or too that...maybe you were, maybe you weren't. One thing I've learned is that you can't mind-read someone else's thoughts or whatever. Maybe it was because you were moody, or it could be the way you laugh reminds her of her horrible ex...I mean you just don't know, can't take it personally and you can't MAKE her like you, no matter how much you feel that that is the situation. Best way is to stop chasing, let her know that you'd be happy to hear from her should she want to contact you, to leave the door open, and if she does great, if not, you have your answer.
Author bitteorca Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 what you've got to remember is, it's not about you. Was I too this, or too that...maybe you were, maybe you weren't. One thing I've learned is that you can't mind-read someone else's thoughts or whatever. Maybe it was because you were moody, or it could be the way you laugh reminds her of her horrible ex...I mean you just don't know, can't take it personally and you can't MAKE her like you, no matter how much you feel that that is the situation. Best way is to stop chasing, let her know that you'd be happy to hear from her should she want to contact you, to leave the door open, and if she does great, if not, you have your answer. Yeah exactly, even if she didn't like me I shouldn't take it to heart. I don't think it was like that though, I think (after a few days of reflecting about it) that she got lots of hints that I wanted a bit more, and I think she wasn't ready for it, for various reasons. And you know what? Thank goodness she didn't carry it on with me and then realise, gotta give her some respect for telling me early days! As I've left her an open door, if she came back to me after her priorities had changed, I would reconsider it, but at the moment screw it, why would I want a girl who is unsure about what she wants?! I think it probably ties in with her coming out of a relationship, probably a bit too soon, and I probably knew this deep down all along. Anyway, I'm glad I sent the message so I don't have to worry about it any more I'm certainly not making contact again! After a few days of contemplating it, I don't think I've lost that much! ha Thanks guys
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I dont know what you did to turn her off, but you did. Now shes ignoring your calls. SHe either had to get far away from you for whatever reason, or she found someone shed rather try with. You only went out 6 times, and whatever reason she gave you was bullshyt. She was dating you so she IS ready for a relationship, just not with you. She lied to keep from having to tell you what you did wrong. Damn people suck. i would have to go with this....^ i would not take the advice of others here saying to keep pursuing her. way too many fish in the sea...move along little fishy...this ones troubled
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