Miko Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) So here I am, 28 and haven't had a 'real' GF since I was about 18. I had my share up until that point and actually was a pretty kick ass BF most of the time but I usually let them go b/c they seemed to get clingy or generally F up me 'having a good time' with the boys. But, my last one just totally wrecked me and sent me off on an anti-GF tangent for, well, 10 YEARS! Basically my whole 20's. My 'thing' that I kept telling myself was this "If you're going to have a GF, you're either going to break up, or get married, and I don't want to do either". So, I did neither. I also told myself "you have to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else". Don't get me wrong, I had the occasional random hookup and a date here and there but I refused to put significant effort in and usually I just dated the girls that pursued me or just plain asked me out on their own which thank god happens occasionally. I am a fun guy, totally friendly most of the time, people trust me with their life, parents love me, I've got my **** together in other areas but now I see that I let so much time pass that I barely even know where to start. I've somewhat disassociated women with dating and relationships(strange huh?) and when a cute girl comes into my work, for example, I'm just not interested in pursuing her b/c it seems like more trouble than it's worth. So here I am, the difference now is that I DO want to get married one day so my first rationalization doesn't work anymore. The second one about being happy alone first still exists but I think I'm at the point where everything else I want in life isn't likely to happen without someone ELSE to care about and to work for. I went from a selfish kid, in these last few years, to someone who has gone as far as he can with only selfish motivations. I have other friends like this. They're all cool guys, and pretty intelligent too but the main thing we have in common is that we all had fairly long, very deep relationships when were in our late teens and early 20s that ended badly. We swore off relationships after that for long periods of time but at some point, you grow up and realize that it WAS all in your head and it's time to get back into the game. Most of the time I meet someone new I start making a list of things that I think are probably 'wrong' with them. After all, I haven't been waiting all this time for 'just anyone' have I? Well, that's the twisted logic that keeps me from just diving in. On top of which it really IS hard to meet people when most of your friends have never even SEEN you with a girl so the thought of hooking you up with one of their friends doesn't even cross their mind. Hell, they probably think I'm asexual for gods sake, which I assure you is not the case. I think I've worked through the things that made me 'unready' for a relationship but in the process have created a whole host of new issues. On top of that, if you were a woman WTF would you think of a guy that hasn't had a GF in almost 10 years? That's what I thought. I think I heard a quote from Sex and the City on that one. The more I type this the more and more COMPLICATED it seems to get. Holy crap! What have I gotten myself into LOL! You guys here rock so let's see what you got! You should win a friggin medal if you can help me out with this clusterf*ck of issues. Edited December 14, 2009 by Miko
ka_lin Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 Well dude,it is complicated.i have tips thow: 1.don`t focus on the bad stuff,nobody is perfect 2.dont think about marriage or breakup,savour the moments 3.maybe at first it will be wierd to start long term dating but it will pass after a month or so 4.friends are just friends,don`t let they`r words dictate your life or smth,if they see you with a girl try not to make them a part of it(don`t let them intervene),but don`t neglect them.good luck
Green Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 I say don't worry or think about it just go date some one and be seriouse about it. Your new mindset will make all the difference and you don't even have to mention you haven't dated seriously in years.
Author Miko Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 You know, I think poking around on this forum, reading other peoples stories and being able to see what they may be doing right/wrong had made me more "interested" in getting back out there. As up and down as so many people are, there ain't many things more fun than riding this roller coaster. Had plenty of relationships before and didn't care for the ups & downs but I was overly serious at that age. So.....thanks
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