gp913 Posted December 14, 2009 Share Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) Long post, but please read. If you're interested in the full story, you can read up in my past threads, but I'll summarize here. Background Initially broke up in August, my ex and I have been dating for 2 months... She broke up with her 2 month rebound immediately when she saw that I was actually changing... She never expected it. She didn't want to commit to anything and just date. We moved too fast during the 1st month and we both made some mistakes that we acknowledged. In the 2nd month, she said that she might also want to date someone else also. The last week in November, after a really great night we had together, I just brought up that I was feeling confused and stressed... The whole conversation went to hell, things came out wrong, things were misinterpreted, and then I didn't hear from her until just recently. I sent an email the next day saying that maybe it is best if I step out of the picture while she dates someone else. It got to a point where it stressed me out too much... Now Well, she finally contacted me since I said that I had hoped we could discuss things after that blow up (2 weeks of NC). She said that she was not angry that I didn't feel like I could see her while she was unsure what she wanted, but she was angry because I was so inconsiderate of her feelings that day and she felt like I was pressuring her/attacking her then. We cleared everything up yesterday and our discussion, I think, was helpful... if not now, for the future... She told me that the night before I talked to her, she felt like we were making great progress towards rebuilding a relationship. She also said that she had only gone on one date with someone and that, even if I asked, it wasn't my place to ask about her dating (I never did, which stressed me out then). She told me that she feels like we should just be friends, for now. She said that she can't deal with this stress... We both said that we maybe don't think now is the right time for us... She had told me that she still felt hurt from the breakup that one day and I addressed this yesterday. I told her how I thought she was hurt and I was right. She is still hurt that it took her breaking up with me for me to change... I talked about this some, but I know that it won't magically fix it. We both agreed that if we do try again, we'll both be in a better position... So, we're on good terms atleast now... I feel that I screwed things up by letting my emotions get the best of me that day. If I had only continued my original mindset... I told her that I know she's trying to be independent and I have my own life too, and of course I would love to have her be a part of it. That I am committed to keep making the changes that I wanted in my life. Questions What do you think of my situation? I think she's just exploring with the dating thing, but I got too stressed about it... I told her that I create my own stress (I'm seeking help for anxiety) and that I let my emotions get the best of me. I was cool and calm in talking to her... I'm not sure that she expected it. She seemed to have assumptions about how I was feeling and I feel she was receptive when I counteracted what she was saying... I feel like it gave her some things to think about. I went ahead and put out there an event that is happening in about a week... it just came out... I told her that she didn't have to tell me now, but to think on it. Do you think I am in a good position later? Soon? She seems to be still figuring out what she wants... She still felt hurt by the breakup which I wish I knew sooner... It explains her pulling away sometimes, but she mentioned that just recently, she felt like we were rebuilding towards a relationship again... soon before the breakup happened, she was also talking about how she was upset that we hadn't gotten married (4 yr relationship, living together), since we had talked about it a lot... I think she's been talking and hanging out with someone, but I can't tell if they're just friends now... but they have A LOT of Facebook activity... It was part of my stress seeing the contact building up and not knowing what was going on... I feel in a better state of mind now than I was before, though. Should I go into LC? I feel like maybe we can eventually build something up without the pressure of "dating", but it will not be quick, most likely. Anyways, I do feel less stressed now, surprisingly... (hopefully this will last) I don't feel so hung up on it... If we were to try again, I already feel in a better position and mindset... but I told her that I'm not going to hold on to hope. I don't think she's ready and only she can determine that. Cliff Notes: - Dated ex for 2 months - 2nd month, She wanted to date other people also - 3 weeks after that, I stressed out and brought my feelings up with her - Did not go well - 2 weeks NC - We clear things up, but no more dating, "for now" Edited December 14, 2009 by gp913 Link to post Share on other sites
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