Author pandagirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 1% sounds comforting. If the relationship works out, I wonder how many times you'll engage in sex over several years? Oops. Years? I just met him. OP, I'm assuming this is that same guy you made a thread over just the other day? The one who you had high suspicions of? Looks to me if you were so suspicious, you would be taking things a little slower. Doesn't sound too wise having him stay at your house to sleep over on first date. I don't see how you have much room to question whether he wants to get in your pants or not, but you allow him to stay over. Sounds very inviting, although you didn't actually have sex. By the way, you picked a funny time to tell him you have herpes. Well, seriously I hope it does work out, and the guy has good intentions. Yeah, it is the same guy. I am still very cautious. I must sound a bit naive, but I'm not. It's more...I'm trying to have fun. I discussed the situation with some of my close friends, and they said I should be careful, but also I am an overly suspicious and cautious person and I should just try to take it for what it is and enjoy myself. So that's what I'm trying to do. Before he even came over, I told him I was not into casual sex and that he could come over, but I wasn't going to sleep with him. Also, I discussed it more with him yesterday and I said, "I move slow when it comes to sex and dating." And he said: "Whatever makes you feel most comfortable, is what I want." As for multi-dating... it really didn't last very long. I went on 3 first dates with guys I am not going to see again.
silic0ntoad Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Panda - great to know you found someone to click with. Ignore these herpes comments. People nowadays lack common sense and make crude, malignant statements with intent to harm (The road to hell is paved with good intentions, people.) I admire your courage (in being honest right off the bat) and best of luck!
jerbear Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 As for multi-dating... it really didn't last very long. I went on 3 first dates with guys I am not going to see again. There is still hope for #5!!! Seriously, I think it is great that you've found someone interesting and jive with. Good luck and have fun!
jw90063 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Panda - great to know you found someone to click with. Ignore these herpes comments. People nowadays lack common sense and make crude, malignant statements with intent to harm (The road to hell is paved with good intentions, people.) I admire your courage (in being honest right off the bat) and best of luck! Well, what do you expect when she mentions to everyone on LS that she told the guy she had herpes next morning after awakening. Maybe could have left that little detail out. It's not the worst thing, but doesn't usually appeal to the general public. Panda, that's good that you are still being cautious, and made it clear to him what you want. You never know, he might be a genuinely nice guy with good intentions.
Kamille Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 You never know, he might be a genuinely nice guy with good intentions. I don't know by what luck I fell into networks where most people I meet are genuinely nice guys with good intentions. Even the women and men I know who multiple-date and-or can't commit don't do it with bad intentions. Being a nice guy with good intentions doesn't, however, mean that he's automatically a match for PG. They just met and only time will tell. PG, I'm glad you found someone and are enjoying yourself. I hope you manage to strike the right balance between enjoying getting to know someone and knowing when to get attached. (ie, don't get attached until you know you trust him).
Author pandagirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Panda - great to know you found someone to click with. Ignore these herpes comments. People nowadays lack common sense and make crude, malignant statements with intent to harm (The road to hell is paved with good intentions, people.) I admire your courage (in being honest right off the bat) and best of luck! There is still hope for #5!!! Seriously, I think it is great that you've found someone interesting and jive with. Good luck and have fun! Thanks! And jerbear, you're next if this guy doesn't work out! haha. Well, what do you expect when she mentions to everyone on LS that she told the guy she had herpes next morning after awakening. Maybe could have left that little detail out. It's not the worst thing, but doesn't usually appeal to the general public. Panda, that's good that you are still being cautious, and made it clear to him what you want. You never know, he might be a genuinely nice guy with good intentions. No, it's fine to question my actions. I understand this is an online community that gives advice and opinions! I know very well this could all crash-and-burn any second, but I'm just going to enjoy the ride and take it as it comes. I really hope he is a nice guy!
northstar1 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Well, what do you expect when she mentions to everyone on LS that she told the guy she had herpes next morning after awakening. Maybe could have left that little detail out. It's not the worst thing, but doesn't usually appeal to the general public. Panda, that's good that you are still being cautious, and made it clear to him what you want. You never know, he might be a genuinely nice guy with good intentions. What's the big deal? She's not embarrassed by having it, nor has issue with educating people on the misinformed stigma attached to having it.
Author pandagirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 What's the big deal? She's not embarrassed by having it, nor has issue with educating people on the misinformed stigma attached to having it. No, I'm not embarrassed, but it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable with having it. Not to hijack my own thread, but I hope if anyone here is put in the situation of having to deal with this, that you will educate yourself and keep an open mind before jumping to any snap judgments. I got it from the second person I ever slept with at the age of 23. I am far from promiscuous and err on the side of caution. No one is immune to anything.
Kamille Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 And jerbear, you're next if this guy doesn't work out! haha. I know this was just a joke, but just a note of caution: it's way too early to hope things will work out with this guy specifically. Basically, hey, why not date Jerbear right now? Seriously, I know you know what I mean. Just take is slow and give yourself time to evaluate if you two are truly compatible before getting on the relationship-oriented train. Date him and have fun!
Author pandagirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 I know this was just a joke, but just a note of caution: it's way too early to hope things will work out with this guy specifically. Basically, hey, why not date Jerbear right now? Seriously, I know you know what I mean. Just take is slow and give yourself time to evaluate if you two are truly compatible before getting on the relationship-oriented train. Date him and have fun! I may sound optimistic on this message board, but in real life, I am so cautious and guarded. Believe me, I see tons of red flags with this guy, but until I get to know him better I won't know for sure. And until then, I'm going to take heed and be smart about things, setting my boundaries and not compromising my values. Usually, I am so headstrong about this kind of stuff that I forget to have fun, so that's what I'm trying to do this time.
carhill Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Anyway, going on a date with the same guy tomorrow. Where's he taking you on your date?
Kamille Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I may sound optimistic on this message board, but in real life, I am so cautious and guarded. Believe me, I see tons of red flags with this guy, but until I get to know him better I won't know for sure. And until then, I'm going to take heed and be smart about things, setting my boundaries and not compromising my values. Usually, I am so headstrong about this kind of stuff that I forget to have fun, so that's what I'm trying to do this time. Exactly. Delay any emotional involvement and red-flag spotting until the moment when he moves the relationship along. Keep busy and let him win your trust. Let him worry about the relationship for the time being and keep busy with your own life. Know your dealbreakers, but there's no reason to be on the look out for red flags after one date. You're dating; your goal is to get to know him and have fun. The rest is up to him.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Exactly. Delay any emotional involvement and red-flag spotting until the moment when he moves the relationship along. Keep busy and let him win your trust. Let him worry about the relationship for the time being and keep busy with your own life. Know your dealbreakers, but there's no reason to be on the look out for red flags after one date. You're dating; your goal is to get to know him and have fun. The rest is up to him. I wish I had read this a few weeks ago! I definitely didn't delay emotional involvement and yup... got burned! I'm glad to hear multiple dating is working for ya pandagirl! I always want to, and sometimes I date a few guys at once, but I just feel bad doing it and bail out. Maybe I should give it a go? You make it sound fun
Author pandagirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Where's he taking you on your date? He just told me he wants to take me to a holiday business party tonight! Then he immediately said: "Full disclosure, I dated someone from the company years ago, and now we're just friends. I don't know if I needed to tell you that, but I am." I like it! Keep busy and let him win your trust. Let him worry about the relationship for the time being and keep busy with your own life. Know your dealbreakers, but there's no reason to be on the look out for red flags after one date. Yeah, I'm leaving for 2.5 weeks for the holidays. Kind of bad timing, but also, gives me a chance to see how things develop. Maybe I should give it a go? You make it sound fun Yeah, finally getting my kicks in at the age of 31. haha.
lofi_tokyo Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 He just told me he wants to take me to a holiday business party tonight! Then he immediately said: "Full disclosure, I dated someone from the company years ago, and now we're just friends. I don't know if I needed to tell you that, but I am." I like it! I like that too! I'd take it as a good sign. When I let guys know that sort of stuff its usually because I am guessing (or hoping?) they'll be meeting people from the social group I'm sharing info about more than once, and so I am assuming if I don't tell them up front, they'll find out anyways. So... well, if he's at all like me... that means he can see you stickin' around for a least a little while?
Kamille Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Ah I'm sorry to hear that Tokyovogue. It took me a few tries before I finally managed to get it right - but I'm now much more confident when it comes to dating. I also find it way easier to establish my boundaries. The bonus is that, as a result, I now really enjoy dating. The problem? I'm not single anymore - and I don't see this one ending anytime soon. But you know what... I've been seing this guy for over 5 months now and we are still getting to know each other. We're crazy about each other but I'm not ready to say that he's the one. We're taking our time and it feels great. It takes the pressure off and allows us to establish good communication. The one important thing is to trust your own judgement. Manage dating so that you know you can handle whatever happens. Remember the saying: love is choosing to wake up next to the same person every day? The only reason to commit to a relationship is because you know without a doubt that you are happy with your man. (Happy together).
carhill Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 He just told me he wants to take me to a holiday business party tonight! Well, our now quite pregnant and married TBF met her H during the holidays last year
Author pandagirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 I like that too! I'd take it as a good sign. When I let guys know that sort of stuff its usually because I am guessing (or hoping?) they'll be meeting people from the social group I'm sharing info about more than once, and so I am assuming if I don't tell them up front, they'll find out anyways. So... well, if he's at all like me... that means he can see you stickin' around for a least a little while? I hope so! The one important thing is to trust your own judgement. Manage dating so that you know you can handle whatever happens. Listen to Kamille, tokyovogue! This piece of advice is KEY. Well, our now quite pregnant and married TBF met her H during the holidays last year DON'T EVEN GO THERE! hahaha
jw90063 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Well, our now quite pregnant and married TBF met her H during the holidays last year Wow, met him last year and already married and pregnant?
carhill Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Wow, met him last year and already married and pregnant? Here's the thread where it began: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t174078/
jw90063 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Here's the thread where it began: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t174078/ Hmm didn't realize it was someone on here you were referring to. Not to get off topic, but that seems a bit crazy all in one year. Hey, maybe same thing will happen to Panda. Ha
Author pandagirl Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 Well, went on my second date with the guy last night. It was weirdly intense and yet absolutely natural and comfortable. I really don't know what is happening, but I am going with it. He tells me all this wonderful things that he himself recognizes sounds ridiculous and, in his words, admits: "It concerns me that I feel this way. It doesn't make sense." That being said. I am still checking in with myself and taking everything as it comes. I'm letting him lead the way, while keeping my boundaries intact. I have a HUGE problem with intellectualizing my feelings, as a means to protect myself, but constantly repeating this pattern isn't making me grow as a person. So, I'm going to attempt to proceed mindfully and cautiously, while also trying to open to the IDEA of letting my guard down. Baby steps.
carhill Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 "It concerns me that I feel this way. It doesn't make sense." I'll come back to this in a couple of months.....I have an instinct here which is conflicting with my desire for you to share your happiness with someone you enjoy. So, I'll placemark it for my own education. Happy the date went well
Author pandagirl Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 I'll come back to this in a couple of months.....I have an instinct here which is conflicting with my desire for you to share your happiness with someone you enjoy. So, I'll placemark it for my own education. Happy the date went well Do tell what you mean by that
Yukikazi Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Think it means he sees something but dosen't want to say anything so rather then just staying quiet.. he ends up planting a seed which you just watered and now you're gonna be going crazy over what it is till he says it
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