b52s Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 ...when I say "squat" I mean, doesn't join the woman anymore to do anything fun. Actually, there's this social group I know called, the "Women getting out of the house" club. The organizer explained to me that it's speficially intended for women only...who are married or in a relationship with a man who is of the "Al Bundy" personality. Sits at home, with the remote control all weekend or weeknight with his lazy arse on the couch....watching TV. Resulting in a gathering of women who go out on their own away from husbands/boyfriedns who wont do ANYTHING with them. I wonder if this is a red flag to a miserable and/or failing marriage? I have heard stories of how a husband gets so comfortable in a marriage,t hey figure "Why do I have to go out and socialize or do anything...I'm married now!"
giotto Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I go out, almost every night, on my own, because wife can't be bothered... she stays in and watches telly! Are there any groups for men like me? I'm serious!
hopeful1980 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 My husband is generally more of a homebody than I. I like to go out to dinner sometimes or bowling or anything outside the house. He would rather order in and watch the Netflix movie that came in the mail or OnDemand. I started going out without him or I'll ask him out on a date. Asking him out on a date always works. He will take me out for my birthday or a special occasion, but he'd rather be sitting on his own couch with me right next to him saying nothing. That really is his idea of a nice evening.
giotto Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 he'd rather be sitting on his own couch with me right next to him saying nothing. That really is his idea of a nice evening. Every night?
angie2443 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 [quote=b52s;2538818The organizer explained to me that it's speficially intended for women only...who are married or in a relationship with a man who is of the "Al Bundy" personality. Sits at home, with the remote control all weekend or weeknight with his lazy arse on the couch....watching TV. !" . Sounds like my husband a few years ago. If he stayed that way, I'd have shot myself!
carhill Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Reality is perception. I tend to stay at home when I'm at home. I don't go out every day. I've probably eaten out with friends a half dozen times in the last two months. OTOH, I've been to NYC, Singapore and DC in those same two months. My stbx complained 'we never go out' and life while married was the same as it is now. Our perspectives were just different. To her, it was an everyday thing. To me, it was adventure. Incompatible
angie2443 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I go out, almost every night, on my own, because wife can't be bothered... she stays in and watches telly! Are there any groups for men like me? I'm serious! giotto, I'm wondering how the kids fit into this. Do you both have someone to watch the kids if you go out? If I remember right, you have 4 of them. I think they are older than mine. Anyway, I'm wondering if the idea of going out with the kids exhaust her, or it's hard to find someone to watch them, or if she's just putting the tv before you. If she's putting the tv before you, I understand how that feels. I've been there. It was the reason that I fell out of love with my husband at one point.
hopeful1980 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Every night? Friday night - We watched Californication Season 2 Saturday night - We watched The Hangover Sunday night - We watched the Giants/Eagles He remarked more than once how wonderful it was! LOL! So yes, every night. I'm planning on asking him out on a date for Sunday. He'll go, but he'd rather get some food and rent a movie.
giotto Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 giotto, I'm wondering how the kids fit into this. Do you both have someone to watch the kids if you go out? If I remember right, you have 4 of them. I think they are older than mine. Anyway, I'm wondering if the idea of going out with the kids exhaust her, or it's hard to find someone to watch them, or if she's just putting the tv before you. If she's putting the tv before you, I understand how that feels. I've been there. It was the reason that I fell out of love with my husband at one point. right, it's a bit complicated... My wife works shifts, so when she is at home in the evening all she does is watch TV, with the kids. She might be out working in the evening 3 times/week, the rest is TV. Every other week she does a couple of nights... She only goes out on Mondays without me. The youngest of my kids is now 8 and my oldest daughter is 17, so she "babysits"... but I'm only going to the pub 'round the corner, 20 seconds away and I'm usually back by 9pm, when the 8 year old goes to bed... Unfortunately, we've past the let's go out together phase... we stopped doing that about 4 years ago, when she kept turning down my invitations, even for birthdays and anniversaries... I know now what she thought: that I might want sex in exchange! Our relationship just got too complicated and she wouldn't talk about it. So, since I work from home all day and I don't see anybody, I need to go out a bit in the evening, after I've cooked a meal for everybody... I don't go out every evening, but often, for an hour or so...
Author b52s Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 right, it's a bit complicated... My wife works shifts, so when she is at home in the evening all she does is watch TV, with the kids. She might be out working in the evening 3 times/week, the rest is TV. Every other week she does a couple of nights... She only goes out on Mondays without me. The youngest of my kids is now 8 and my oldest daughter is 17, so she "babysits"... but I'm only going to the pub 'round the corner, 20 seconds away and I'm usually back by 9pm, when the 8 year old goes to bed... Unfortunately, we've past the let's go out together phase... we stopped doing that about 4 years ago, when she kept turning down my invitations, even for birthdays and anniversaries... I know now what she thought: that I might want sex in exchange! Our relationship just got too complicated and she wouldn't talk about it. So, since I work from home all day and I don't see anybody, I need to go out a bit in the evening, after I've cooked a meal for everybody... I don't go out every evening, but often, for an hour or so... I have actually known people....at least those unmarried, but have a boyfriend/girlfriend...you know, involved in a relationship....start a romance outside of their relationship..and have it blossom with the "other man" in these group outings. That is if there's a mix of genders if a woman likes to go out, whilst leaving the couch potato of a boyfriend behind. You see, she'll have something in common with someone that actually likes to get out of the house...and eventually by spending time with the new guy, she'll eventually dump the current beau., I've known this to happen.
angie2443 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Unfortunately, we've past the let's go out together phase... we stopped doing that about 4 years ago, when she kept turning down my invitations, even for birthdays and anniversaries... I know now what she thought: that I might want sex in exchange! Our relationship just got too complicated and she wouldn't talk about it. ... Do you think that once you've passed that phase you can ever go back? I ask because I'm jumping through hoops right now to keep the dating alive in my marriage. My husband doesn't get it. He has no problem when I ask him out, but otherwise he'd be fine at home, each of us doing our own thing. Anyways, you're the only person I know of here or in real life that has four kids, and I know that is way differant from having none or just a couple. I'm just wondering if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If the dating/hanging out together gets put on hold for a period of time, can it ever come back or is the marriage doomed?
giotto Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Do you think that once you've passed that phase you can ever go back? I ask because I'm jumping through hoops right now to keep the dating alive in my marriage. My husband doesn't get it. He has no problem when I ask him out, but otherwise he'd be fine at home, each of us doing our own thing. Anyways, you're the only person I know of here or in real life that has four kids, and I know that is way differant from having none or just a couple. I'm just wondering if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If the dating/hanging out together gets put on hold for a period of time, can it ever come back or is the marriage doomed? mmm... it's doomed for us... it never came back, but the demise started well before the 4th kid... I would say after the second... Have you talked to him about how you feel? Can you talk to him easily? You see, my wife was a disaster form that point of you. She just wouldn't talk and after a while (many years... lol) I just got too angry, bitter and gave up. If you can talk to him, maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel... unfortunately, when we got talking (in MC and out of MC), I heard stuff I didn't really want to hear, so be careful... it might be a double edged sword...
mem11363 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Woody and Mariel Hemingway are talking to a therapist about sex. Woody: We never have sex Mariel: We are constantly having sex Therapist: How many times a week do you have sex? Woody and Mariel in unison and with emphasis: 3 times a week!!! Reality is perception. I tend to stay at home when I'm at home. I don't go out every day. I've probably eaten out with friends a half dozen times in the last two months. OTOH, I've been to NYC, Singapore and DC in those same two months. My stbx complained 'we never go out' and life while married was the same as it is now. Our perspectives were just different. To her, it was an everyday thing. To me, it was adventure. Incompatible
WalkInThePark Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 My husband is generally more of a homebody than I. I like to go out to dinner sometimes or bowling or anything outside the house. He would rather order in and watch the Netflix movie that came in the mail or OnDemand. I started going out without him or I'll ask him out on a date. Asking him out on a date always works. He will take me out for my birthday or a special occasion, but he'd rather be sitting on his own couch with me right next to him saying nothing. That really is his idea of a nice evening. OMG! How old is he?
Author b52s Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Ever had a guy make a move on you in group activities in which your boyfriend wasn't interested attending?
kevinconner Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Was he like this when you first married? Better question is were you both like this, when married, and then you changed? Guys I know who like to guard the couch and watch sports have two things in common: #1 : No matter what they do, their wives still give them sex #2 : They were like this well before they married, and the wife felt lucky to have them. One the frequency of sex / baby making stops, the wife actually sites back and realizes what she had all along.
luvstarved Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 This is one area that my H and I do pretty well at. I am a little bit more of a homebody than him...but when I am here, I am taking care of 20-30 things while we watches tv or reads...so his "restless and bored" tends to be my "getting things accomplished". He likes to start planning weekend outings early - will actually call me most Monday mornings at work and ask me what I want to do that weekend. My problem with it is that all these outings mean that nothing gets done around the house, and we are spending a lot. We usually spend about 3 weeks a year total away from home on various weekends/vacations away and otherwise go out to dinner/movie/lecture/concert/whatever 4-8 times a month... If he wants to do too much, I just remind him of the things we have done recently and promise to do something the following weekend if he'll help me clean out the basement THIS weekend...or whatever. He used to say I never wanted to go anywhere, and I used to complain that he wanted to be on the go constantly, but when we've talked about it, found a way to make it reasonably balanced. I think a "Al Bundy's wives" type of regular outing could be just fine if it stays about the women having fun and not being chained at home with a lump they otherwise love...if it became a weekly vent session and pre-divorce support group, I'd run.
Woggle Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Most women simply can't comprehend the sheer joy if just staying home and vegging out. There is nothing like it.
Love2love7 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 My husband is a homebody also. I'm the one who always wants to go out, But only during the weekends because we both work and after work we go to the gym. Get home around 8pm, after that we just relax and go to bed. The weekends are when we go out but I also like spending time at home and just being lazy since the week is very busy for me.
colourz Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I like getting out, so does my wife. Problem is she wants to go to her friends house or perhaps have guests over and play cards, and I'd rather do something just together. After so many years of the kids being little and no time together, I'd like some time alone with her. I think I'm more introverted in crowds and she becomes more extroverted. I encourage her to go out with the girls as being social is very important to her. "Follow your bliss" as Joseph Campbell put it. I personally think people don't spend enough time with themselves in this modern age, creating, thinking and taking care of their spiritual health (and I don't mean religious). We've opted to not have cable TV into our house. So sitting in front of the telly is out of the question for us. I still wonder where I had the time.
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