DSM2709 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Was wondering how do I keep the "honeymoon" aspect of my new relationship from ending? Everything right now is peachy keen, and it was funny to hear from my GF, about how, soon the "honeymoon" of our relationship will eventually come to an end, and we will figure each other out. Whether that's good or bad, we will soon find out, but I don't want the honeymoon to end, everything is perfect right now....so how does one continue on the path of a good nurturing relationship without all the BS....again I'm trying to learn from my past mistakes, which is going well so far.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 You can't. That's just the way it is. But I don't know why it ending always has to be viewed as "bad" by people. When the "high" wears off is when you can move into a stronger, more stable type of love for each other. It comes with a higher comfort level. Yes, the newness will wear off - but that happens with EVERYTHING. Have you ever bought something brand new that you just LOVED and thought you'd ALWAYS feel "that way" about...but eventually the novelty wore off? I felt that way about my car. I've now had it for almost 4 years. I still love my car - but that exciting high is gone. It's not a bad thing. The car and I have been through A LOT together and I wouldn't trade it in or give it away for anything. It will eventually wear out, but that's the good news about people - they don't usually wear out. Which is what makes relationships more stable than "things." The problem is when people are addicted to the "high" in the beginning of the relationship and when things start getting comfortable is when they panic and think there's something wrong. That's when they start looking for green grass. But if you can appreciate the comfort that comes when the high wears off...that's when TRUE intimacy begins, IMO. It's nothing to be afraid of. In addition - the honeymoon period is coupled with an actual, physical, chemical high. Your body eventually stops producing it. I think I've heard at around 2.5 years. Now is the time to strengthen the bonds between you two so that when the high wears off, it doesn't matter.
Author DSM2709 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Some very good points, thanks. Makes alot of sense.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think the honeymoon period will always end, regardless to what you do. It's bound to not feel so new after say three months, just the way it is. I remember some friends of mine going out say for three months, everything was great, but once the three months was up, the high was up and they crumpled. Because they fully expected it to feel the same. It doesn't mean that your R is any less good, or strong, often it's stronger because if it withstands the fall, then you have formed bonds. When I was with my ex of three years, we noticed the high had gone say around 4-6 months, we argued and started to notice the flaws. Not a bad thing, it was time to get real about each other, and learn to love each other for what was actually there, not what we perceive to be there because it's all new and nothing can destroy that feeling.
Ingenue Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 The problem is when people are addicted to the "high" in the beginning of the relationship and when things start getting comfortable is when they panic and think there's something wrong. That's when they start looking for green grass. But if you can appreciate the comfort that comes when the high wears off...that's when TRUE intimacy begins, IMO. It's nothing to be afraid of. I'd have to agree with this comment in particular. I know my ex was a serial "high" chaser and when he felt the high was ending, he started looking for greener grass. The problem with expecting or chasing a constant high is that it sets up unrealistic expectations that the relationship can only be defined through a singular type of expression. Life is not always a Hallmark card and love and relationships do take work, patience and a mutual understanding.
carhill Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 it was funny to hear from my GF, about how, soon the "honeymoon" of our relationship will eventually come to an end, and we will figure each other out. Talk to her about this. She sounds like a smart, grounded lady If you're on your honeymoon and meet with unfortunate death, that is the only sure path to remaining in the honeymoon forever. Otherwise, it's human drudgery here on earth. No panacea and no lifetime honeymoon. My suggestion is to enjoy what you have and value the insightful partner you've been blessed with.
DustySaltus Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Relationships are not tested during the honeymoon phase. They are tested on a Tuesday morning when you wake up and take a look at them without makeup, drooling on the pillow and snoring and say........I'm very lucky to have them.
D-Jam Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think it depends on the people involved. If one or both rely too much on their SO to make things "exciting" then it'll end when the SO isn't making that effort (when the "taker" doesn't give anything to help it). Also happens when one believes that doing the "same ol thing" is perfectly ok. So he took her to a movie, then the bar for roast beef and beer and she enjoyed it...but is wondering why she's not liking it after doing that 100 times. Change it up. Honeymoon can last forever if both sides work to make it happen. I'll occasionally surprise my GF with flowers. Not as some special day thing remembered or an apology...just to make her smile. I'll come home sometimes and there's candles lit and food out there for us to have a romantic dinner. Plus she doesn't demand a high level of attention...so if I'm exhausted and stressed she's not going to be all demanding of sex and such...but maybe just pushing me to lay down, relax, and we watch a movie. I'll toss out there new things to do and places to see just because I don't want things to become a routine. Honeymoon can last forever...but both sides need to want it. It fails when someone sees these actions as a temporary thing to "get him" or "get her" and not as what one does in a RL. It astounds me when I see guys talk of doing these "good things" as a pain, like somehow life would be perfect if she would just cook him dinner, clean house, **** him when he wants, and then totally leave him alone any other time. And they wonder why their women nag, complain, and eventually cheat or break up with them. Same goes for women who keep demanding, but never really give...or they see sex as the "give", like a payment for a guy being good to her.
meerkat stew Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 One thing to keep the honeymoon going is to not have long serious talks about topics such as "when the honeymoon is going to end" and concentrate on having fun with each other and enjoying each other instead. Another thing is to keep healthy distance, don't spend every night together or stay in constant contact 24/7.
sonicranger Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 It astounds me when I see guys talk of doing these "good things" as a pain, like somehow life would be perfect if she would just cook him dinner, clean house, **** him when he wants, and then totally leave him alone any other time. And they wonder why their women nag, complain, and eventually cheat or break up with them. Same goes for women who keep demanding, but never really give...or they see sex as the "give", like a payment for a guy being good to her. Well said. In my first and only marriage thus far, we did this, to some extent. We had developed the wrong ideas of each other while we were dating and living at our parents places. Then we made the mistake, in my opinion, of buying a house together before ever living together. It was pretty good in our "separate" lives that when we combined them our world was flipped upside down. In my new relationship I don't want to focus on the past so much as to not pay attention to the here and now. I believe I have learned and am willing to continue to learn what it takes to make a GREAT relationship. You do need to work at, daily, weekly, monthly. Some days and weeks it is A LOT easier than others. The diversity, challenges and unexpected hiccups are what will keep it interesting beyond the "honeymoon". I too, want to make the honeymoon last for a long, long time but as others have mentioned don't worry about it so much that you miss it. Just live it as it comes. Enjoy the newness.
Curious-One Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I dont think its really possible to prologue it... Right now you are not too familiar with each other so you are really not showing your true colors. For example, now if you say "babe i dont think that movie is good, i have read the reviews, lets see another one" she will most likely reply with "ok cool lets do it" After 1-2 months when she starts taking your for granted she will reply with " why do we always have to watch what you want this is not fair" which will lead to fights. This could be vise versa where the girl doesnt want to see the movie and the guy responds. Bottom line is, at the biggening both parties are trying to be nice to eachother and impress each other. After few weeks or months that gets old and people start showing their true colors and thats when the honeymoon phase is over IMO.
D-Jam Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I think if someone's "true colors" are the kinds that end RLs, then it says one or both of these: a) The person really isn't RL-material, but puts on a good act to get someone. b) The person ending it because of the other's "true colors" demands way more out of a RL than a normal person can and should give. To me, I think it's the little things that do a lot...plus having a person who isn't so tightened up when it comes to love that will appreciate it. Today I called my GF who's bummed because she was sent home from work (no patients today at the dental office) and offered to grill some fish for her tonight. She was very flattered at the thought...and felt special that I would think of her like that. Little things...and someone who appreciates them...that's how the honeymoon can go on forever.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Today I called my GF who's bummed because she was sent home from work (no patients today at the dental office) and offered to grill some fish for her tonight. She was very flattered at the thought...and felt special that I would think of her like that. Little things...and someone who appreciates them...that's how the honeymoon can go on forever. Awww, D-Jam, that's cute. :love: I agree. Thoughtfulness goes A LONG WAY towards keeping the softness there.
aerogurl87 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Was wondering how do I keep the "honeymoon" aspect of my new relationship from ending? Everything right now is peachy keen, and it was funny to hear from my GF, about how, soon the "honeymoon" of our relationship will eventually come to an end, and we will figure each other out. Whether that's good or bad, we will soon find out, but I don't want the honeymoon to end, everything is perfect right now....so how does one continue on the path of a good nurturing relationship without all the BS....again I'm trying to learn from my past mistakes, which is going well so far. You can't stop the honeymoon period from ending on your own as it's a two way street, but you can do things to help keep the spice alive and well in your relationship. I think the key things are creativeness and great communication. If you have those two things then you will probably be happy for a long time.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 There will still be love after the honeymoon stage, but acknowledge that it is a different type of love.
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