tigressA Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 He sent me an IM and I ignored it for over an hour; he started pleading with me to hear him out. So being the kindhearted person I am, I finally did. I said, "I don't care for hearing your apologies; I'm over the death of whatever was between us. I am, however, somewhat interested in knowing exactly what was going through your head when you chose to pull this disappearing act on me. It's a unique situation, what we had, and now that I have the opportunity I'd like to find out how/why it died on your end." The gist is what I assumed--he lost interest. What's more is he allegedly didn't know how to communicate that fact, and he was "afraid to hurt me" because he "knew how I felt toward" him. He said, "I really enjoyed our time together, but you deserve a lot better than me and what I can give you. I'm going through a lot and it was unfair of me to drag you into my confusion." I said, "I get it. I was aware of the risks the whole time. You didn't 'drag' me into anything." He said, "Okay. But still...I know you said you didn't want any of my apologies but I'm really sorry, a thousand times over. I know what I did was pretty low and that I hurt you a lot." I said, "Well, you didn't hurt me. I knew the risks. I didn't get too attached. You strongly annoyed me. And yes, it was incredibly low of you. I expected a hell of a lot better from you, first because I know it's what I deserve, second because of the kind of person I knew you to be when we met." He said, "I know. I've disappointed a lot of people lately, it's been a pattern with me. I hope we can still be friends, I'd really like that." I said, "Yeah, sure. Might as well not make the remaining classes hideously awkward. : )" We talked for a bit more after that, until he went to bed. I feel sorry for him now. In the end I'm okay with having given in to that exchange with him because at least it killed off any residual attraction.
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Well at least you got some closure. Are you still attracted to him? Sorry it didn't work out.
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 In the end I'm okay with having given in to that exchange with him because at least it killed off any residual attraction. So to answer your question: No.
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Sorry I was reading quickly. Are you going to stay friends with him, or will it sort of wither on the vine sort of thing. Interesting that he wants to still be friends. Maybe he is going through a tough time?
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 I'm not going to make an effort to stay his friend. If he wants to talk to me I'll let him, but I won't bother with seeking him out. That way, it'll likely wither on the vine. I don't care about maintaining a friendship with him. He is going through a very tough time. His ex put him through the wringer; she did a number on him. He feels like he's totally lost himself. And I wouldn't disagree with that self-evaluation.
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) He said, "I really enjoyed our time together, but you deserve a lot better than me and what I can give you. I'm going through a lot and it was unfair of me to drag you into my confusion." He said, "I know. I've disappointed a lot of people lately, it's been a pattern with me. I hope we can still be friends, I'd really like that." Sounds like he is going through a depression or something. I don't think an ex can take away an identity. When my husband moved out and we finally got his stuff out of my place, and I put my stuff they way I liked it, everyone who came over said "Wow - xxxxx is back - where have you been?" So what I'm saying is that maybe he is trying to build his identity from scratch and that is where the 'confusion' is coming in. He was drawn to you for some reason. I know you don't care to have a friendship with him. I'm just saying that I think the timing was "off' for you two. Edited December 14, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 So what I'm saying is that maybe he is trying to build his identity from scratch and that is where the 'confusion' is coming in. He was drawn to you for some reason. I know you don't care to have a friendship with him. I'm just saying that I think the timing was "off' for you two. Yeah, he said he felt like he put so much of himself into the relationships he's had that he doesn't really know who he, himself, alone, is anymore. I don't care to rehash that he was drawn to me for whatever reason. I was drawn to him too, and that's gone. What we had is over. Who knows, maybe the timing wasn't off. I'll never know, and that's okay.
SadandConfusedWA Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Tigressa, I wish I was as reasonable as you. If this happened to me I would probably be drinking myself to sleep and smoking pot all day. I admire how you have accepted this situation.
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Thanks . I used to think I was some hopeless romantic, but I wonder about that now. I'm finding I'm much more realistic and rational than I ever thought I was capable of. Being perfectly honest, the immature part of me was happy I got to have this conversation because some of the things I said came off rather catty (especially since it was over IM), and I got a bit of satisfaction from getting to say them.
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