Bryanp Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I just wonder Todd what your girlfriend's attitude would be if you always hung around with other women and expecially your ex lovers? I wonder how she would feel if your invited her to hang around with other groups of people that included women you have slept with? I seriously doubt that she would not be uncomfortable with this. Am I wrong?
reservoirdog1 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I just wonder Todd what your girlfriend's attitude would be if you always hung around with other women and expecially your ex lovers? I wonder how she would feel if your invited her to hang around with other groups of people that included women you have slept with? I seriously doubt that she would not be uncomfortable with this. Am I wrong? If that's an unknown, perhaps Todd should put it to the test.
Javelin Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 (edited) Lemme add my .02 to the topic. My ex-girlfriend was like the OPs, she had her group of guy friends, and some consisted of a few sexual encounters. When we first started dating, I was that guy that tried to be the alpha male and didn't care whom she hung out with, including ex-whatevers' - as long as she included me! I didn't care that these guys were in large groups with us, as long as they respected my presence. Needless to say, that even though I was comfortable hanging out with these guys. I found that a few were actually sleazy and only after one thing. These were the guys that she had random nights with outside of a relationship. In the end, she ended up cheating on me with one of them that she actually never had sex with, but they did everything else up until that night. That said, after being a victim in such a manner. I probably wouldn't ever engage in a relationship with a girl that still has ex-whatevers as, 'friends.' It's just common sense that there's a reason other then friendship that these guys are still in her life. Edited December 15, 2009 by Javelin
Blind Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Lemme add my .02 to the topic. My ex-girlfriend was like the OPs, she had her group of guy friends, and some consisted of a few sexual encounters. When we first started dating, I was that guy that tried to be the alpha male and didn't care whom she hung out with, including ex-whatevers' - as long as she included me! I didn't care that these guys were in large groups with us, as long as they respected my presence. Needless to say, that even though I was comfortable hanging out with these guys. I found that a few were actually sleazy and only after one thing. These were the guys that she had random nights with outside of a relationship. In the end, she ended up cheating on me with one of them that she actually never had sex with, but they did everything else up until that night. That said, after being a victim in such a manner. I probably wouldn't ever engage in a relationship with a girl that still has ex-whatevers as, 'friends.' It's just common sense that there's a reason other then friendship that these guys are still in her life. You speak the truth. My advice was based on experience as well. "We are just friends, we are just friends..." Yeah right. My ex cheated on me simultaneously with different people! Even worse, I met and hung out with them! Ugh.
threebyfate Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I just wonder Todd what your girlfriend's attitude would be if you always hung around with other women and expecially your ex lovers? I wonder how she would feel if your invited her to hang around with other groups of people that included women you have slept with? I seriously doubt that she would not be uncomfortable with this. Am I wrong?That's a good idea. As long as the same kind of dynamics is present, where Todd acts as disinterested as his ex might be acting, with her exes, it's all good. If Todd deliberately flirts outrageously, where she doesn't, then it's just a deliberate aggravation. Or if his g/f deliberately flirts with the exes while Todd is present, then there's an issue, if it bothers him. People should define the boundaries of behaviour, within a relationship. What's acceptable to one couple, might be considered something different to another couple.
seibert253 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I suppose what definition and the terms of "hanging out" are. If she's shoving it down your throat, and you have a problem with it and express it, if she truely cared about you and your feelings she would not want to put you in situations that make you uncomfortable. If she doesn't care about how you feel about this, then to me it's disrespectful and selfish. I would never "require" my W to hangout with any of my ex gf's or chicks I've "hooked up with". I have more love and respect for her.
lkjh Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 The 50% divorce rate has been reality for a lot longer than the "new age style of thinking" you refer to... not true at all, divorce rates have been skyrocketing since the early 1970's directly due to two movements, one being the sexual revolution and the other being feminism. The only other time in western history where divorce rates were close to todays was shortly after WW2 and that was because plenty of people married someone they barely knew before they went off to war and when they return they got divorced. Other than that the divorce rates are directly due to our new "enlighten" way of thinking. If anyone is ok with their SO hanging out with multiple former sexual partners including both ex's and f'buddies than they are a fool
carhill Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Another hit and run poster. Must be the holidays. Or her ex-lovers ate him with some fava beans
on1wheel Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 EX means EX, as far as I'm concerned. Why adults remain friends with people they have F'd is beyond me. You met, you slept together, it didn't work, so move on...that's the process of elimination to find the one you're meant to be with. The only reason I think people keep Ex's around is to have a pool of people to have sex with when the feeling arises. You are absolutely in your own right to not want to hang out with guys who have done God only knows what, God only knows how many times. If she's concerned with your feelings & is interested in a serious future with you then it is time for her to cut her ties to her past. I tried to work through a situation like yours once & it was a waste of time...I eventually left. It's your call, but at the end of the day you've gotta be true to you. Good luck.
ADF Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 Care to back that up with facts? I'd like to see how long this 50% divorce rate has been around, coz frankly, I don't think it's too long. And it has EVERYTHING to do with "new age" hippie bullsh*t. Hippies had nothing to do with it. The divorce rate began to rise in the 1970s, as more and more states adopted no-fault divorce laws. Prior to the advent of no-fault divorce, couples wishing to end their mariages had to cite cause. This meant someone had to be at fault, and that the person at fault had to be legally punished in some way. It was ridiculous. Millions of couples who just didn't want to be married had to make up stories about affairs and abuse that never happened just to be allowed to end their marriages. People in the past weren't more devoted to marriage. They stayed married because getting divorced made them into social pariahs. A high divorce rate is the price we pay for living in a free society.
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