Lovelybird Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Lovelybird.. you again. The girl isn't looking for your holy judgement and opinions on when sex should first be had, she's looking for advice on her situation now. Don't even start with this, you know what happened last time, dear. you have rights to speak, so do I, she has rights to hear or not I don't need you to be judge whether I should speak or not
Author Cinderella7 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Just an update... We hung out on Wednesday night and something was weird about it. We had fun but something was different. It felt like it was solely about hooking up, which it had never felt like before, and something about that bothered me, naturally. I have been thinking a lot about the comments in this thread and I realized that regardless, by sleeping with him too soon, it did create a false sense of intimacy. I started looking for there to be more than there was, which I don't think would have happened if we had not slept together. I don't think I am going to see him again. I'm starting to get attached and I know if it continues, I am only going to get hurt. Thanks everyone (well, most of you at least!) for your comments and advice. Back to the drawing board...
Lish Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 you have rights to speak, so do I, she has rights to hear or not I don't need you to be judge whether I should speak or not Yep. And? She has already had sex multiple times with him & most likely other men. So unless you've found a way to somehow rewind time, I don't see what point opinions have on this thread about when it's right to have sex?
Lovelybird Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Just an update... We hung out on Wednesday night and something was weird about it. We had fun but something was different. It felt like it was solely about hooking up, which it had never felt like before, and something about that bothered me, naturally. I have been thinking a lot about the comments in this thread and I realized that regardless, by sleeping with him too soon, it did create a false sense of intimacy. I started looking for there to be more than there was, which I don't think would have happened if we had not slept together. I don't think I am going to see him again. I'm starting to get attached and I know if it continues, I am only going to get hurt. Thanks everyone (well, most of you at least!) for your comments and advice. Back to the drawing board... Bravo ! Cinderella7, the lottery remark probably is a little over edge, there is a part of me mad at this whole thing, maybe part of me has this tendency as well. Ok, great that you see this more clearly
Lish Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Just an update... We hung out on Wednesday night and something was weird about it. We had fun but something was different. It felt like it was solely about hooking up, which it had never felt like before, and something about that bothered me, naturally. I have been thinking a lot about the comments in this thread and I realized that regardless, by sleeping with him too soon, it did create a false sense of intimacy. I started looking for there to be more than there was, which I don't think would have happened if we had not slept together. I don't think I am going to see him again. I'm starting to get attached and I know if it continues, I am only going to get hurt. Thanks everyone (well, most of you at least!) for your comments and advice. Back to the drawing board... If you change your mind about seeing him again, give what I said in my post above some consideration - about NOT having sex with him. His reaction to that will tell you alot of things. Whatever you do, good luck
calizaggy Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 It sounds like you fulfill his needs, so he sees you.. The strange thing was how you said he acted at the party. Did you have sex with him because you like sex? Or to "land " him?
Author Cinderella7 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 If you change your mind about seeing him again, give what I said in my post above some consideration - about NOT having sex with him. His reaction to that will tell you alot of things. Whatever you do, good luck I am definitely going to keep that in mind. Thanks for the advice!
Author Cinderella7 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 It sounds like you fulfill his needs, so he sees you.. The strange thing was how you said he acted at the party. Did you have sex with him because you like sex? Or to "land " him? I had sex with him honestly because I like having sex. I was attracted to him and it's fun. It wasn't about "landing" him. I was aware that sleeping with him right away wasn't conducive to a relationship, which is why I was surprised when he called and asked me to dinner.
calizaggy Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Just curious.. As a woman, how do you feel after a one night stand? I think for guys they either really like the woman, or do not feel anything.. Even if we feel nothing, sometimes in the future we think of the sex then contact that girl.
mixwell Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I met this guy at a party a few weeks ago and we hit it off and ended up hooking up that night. Since a ONS isn't the best start to a relationship, I didn't plan on hearing from him again. However he called that week and invited me to dinner. This was about a month ago. Since then, we have hung out once or twice a week. We normally end up hooking up but we also watch movies, go out to dinner, have been to a concert, etc. He always insists that I sleep over, even though I have to wake up much earlier than him for work. Since our ONS, he has always been the one to initiate contact and invite me to do things. I never initiate. Last weekend we were both at a party with mutual friends. We didn't go as dates, we attended the event separately. At the party he acted really weird around me. Definitely not the nice attentive guy he normally is. Not sure if it was due to all of our friends being around or alcohol or what. After the party I was kind of put off by his behavior & wasn't sure if I wanted to continue doing whatever it is we were doing. Haven't heard from him since last weekend. However, he attended a Christmas party last night where some of my friends were. Apparently he was asking a lot about me and where I was. He even said something about remembering I had finals so maybe that's why I wasn't there (I was actually at another event). So basically my question is, is he into me or into sleeping with me? And if so, why haven't I heard from him since that party a few weeks ago where he acted weird? Is it my turn to stop playing so hard to get and finally contact him (we have hung out about 6 times or so, he initiates each time and we don't text or anything in between seeing each other)? Any insight is appreciated! I don't think he is uninterested myself as a guy if I find that I generally put in most of the effort to hang out sometimes I will go a while and let the female contact me because I feel if she is interested she will make an effort as well. Maybe this guy realized that he was the one to initiate all of the hangouts and wants to gauge how much you're into him.. Guys sometimes will play a little hard to get to see if a female likes him enough to put in work. I myself do that on smaller scales.. If I hangout with a chick or whatever I may say "okay call me sometime" and leave it at that.. I may wait about 2-3 days to see if she calls, if not I may txt her or call her and if she doesn't reply or answer then I usually will not initiate again until I hear back from her because I believe if i attempt to make contact with a female and she does not reply I don't want to appear desperate by making a 2nd attempt if she doesn't reply. After all I do believe if a female is into a guy that she would call back or txt back just to let that guy know that she is interested in him. When I call/txt a chick and don't hear anything back for a while I consider it that she is not very interested or she would've made it a point to contact me back. To sum this novel up what I would do is call/txt this guy and say hey whats up how are you whats going on and see if he replies back soon.. If he does then I believe he is interested but if he does not reply then I would take it as a clear sign.. ONE thing I have learned from relationships is that actions speak WAY louder than words and I would just throw the bait out there and send him or ask him a simple question via text.. If he doesn't reply then I wouldn't contact him again until he contacts you. No matter what the situation is, if someone is interested they will put in work to get back to you and thats the bottom line. If you haven't spoken in a while I would say send a text and see what happens. If nothing happens then leave it be until he/ if he decides to contact you.
Author Cinderella7 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Just curious.. As a woman, how do you feel after a one night stand? I think for guys they either really like the woman, or do not feel anything.. Even if we feel nothing, sometimes in the future we think of the sex then contact that girl. How do I feel after? Like I said, I don't go into a ONS expecting it to turn into a relationship. Sex is fun and I would have a ONS with someone I'm very attracted to, so I'm normally pretty pleased when its over. I don't expect to hear from the guy again, and I'll put the ball in his court in terms of calling/seeing each other again. But it's always with someone I wouldn't mind seeing again, if that makes sense. I have learned that I can have sex with someone a few times without starting to feel the emotional attachment, so I'm normally fine if we hook up once or twice and it fizzles after that. More than anything, I see a ONS as a chance to have fun for a little bit.
Lovelybird Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I had a little sex with a New Zealand guy once after several months communication, but after that little sex, I felt AWFUL, not little sex itself awful, but the fact that I didn't feel he was serious about me, awful, awful, and then I realized he neither respect himself nor me. That's how I know sex without commitment is a such bad thing.
calizaggy Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 How do I feel after? Like I said, I don't go into a ONS expecting it to turn into a relationship. Sex is fun and I would have a ONS with someone I'm very attracted to, so I'm normally pretty pleased when its over. I don't expect to hear from the guy again, and I'll put the ball in his court in terms of calling/seeing each other again. But it's always with someone I wouldn't mind seeing again, if that makes sense. I have learned that I can have sex with someone a few times without starting to feel the emotional attachment, so I'm normally fine if we hook up once or twice and it fizzles after that. More than anything, I see a ONS as a chance to have fun for a little bit. Is this how you usually date?
O'Malley Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 I don't expect to hear from the guy again, and I'll put the ball in his court in terms of calling/seeing each other again. Don't be surprised if he does contact you, just based on your past response to him. He was initiating contact, which usually is a good thing, but his behavior at the party indicates that he didn't want it to appear as if he was involved with you. If you don't mind talking to him when he calls, simply ask, "I'm interested in having a relationship with you and seeing where it goes. Do you agree?" Anything other than 'yes' is just spin and it's time to walk away. If you can't be that direct, take Lish's advice -- don't hang out at each other's homes, go out for real dates without hooking up. Gauge his reaction to it.
Author Cinderella7 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Don't be surprised if he does contact you, just based on your past response to him. He was initiating contact, which usually is a good thing, but his behavior at the party indicates that he didn't want it to appear as if he was involved with you. If you don't mind talking to him when he calls, simply ask, "I'm interested in having a relationship with you and seeing where it goes. Do you agree?" Anything other than 'yes' is just spin and it's time to walk away. If you can't be that direct, take Lish's advice -- don't hang out at each other's homes, go out for real dates without hooking up. Gauge his reaction to it. I really like this advice. Thanks.
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