Does he like me or just like sleeping with me?

[Cinderella7]

I met this guy at a party a few weeks ago and we hit it off and ended up hooking up that night. Since a ONS isn't the best start to a relationship, I didn't plan on hearing from him again. However he called that week and invited me to dinner.

 

This was about a month ago. Since then, we have hung out once or twice a week. We normally end up hooking up but we also watch movies, go out to dinner, have been to a concert, etc.

 

He always insists that I sleep over, even though I have to wake up much earlier than him for work. Since our ONS, he has always been the one to initiate contact and invite me to do things. I never initiate.

 

Last weekend we were both at a party with mutual friends. We didn't go as dates, we attended the event separately. At the party he acted really weird around me. Definitely not the nice attentive guy he normally is. Not sure if it was due to all of our friends being around or alcohol or what. After the party I was kind of put off by his behavior & wasn't sure if I wanted to continue doing whatever it is we were doing.

 

Haven't heard from him since last weekend. However, he attended a Christmas party last night where some of my friends were. Apparently he was asking a lot about me and where I was. He even said something about remembering I had finals so maybe that's why I wasn't there (I was actually at another event).

 

So basically my question is, is he into me or into sleeping with me? And if so, why haven't I heard from him since that party a few weeks ago where he acted weird? Is it my turn to stop playing so hard to get and finally contact him (we have hung out about 6 times or so, he initiates each time and we don't text or anything in between seeing each other)? Any insight is appreciated!

[tryagaintoday]

He likes you and likes sleeping with you

[Yukikazi]

 

So basically my question is, is he into me or into sleeping with me? And if so, why haven't I heard from him since that party a few weeks ago where he acted weird? Is it my turn to stop playing so hard to get and finally contact him (we have hung out about 6 times or so, he initiates each time and we don't text or anything in between seeing each other)? Any insight is appreciated!

 

6 dates usually ending with sex and starting with a ONS.

Thats playing hard to get?

[Lish]

I met this guy at a party a few weeks ago and we hit it off and ended up hooking up that night. Since a ONS isn't the best start to a relationship, I didn't plan on hearing from him again. However he called that week and invited me to dinner.

 

This was about a month ago. Since then, we have hung out once or twice a week. We normally end up hooking up but we also watch movies, go out to dinner, have been to a concert, etc.

 

He always insists that I sleep over, even though I have to wake up much earlier than him for work. Since our ONS, he has always been the one to initiate contact and invite me to do things. I never initiate.

 

Last weekend we were both at a party with mutual friends. We didn't go as dates, we attended the event separately. At the party he acted really weird around me. Definitely not the nice attentive guy he normally is. Not sure if it was due to all of our friends being around or alcohol or what. After the party I was kind of put off by his behavior & wasn't sure if I wanted to continue doing whatever it is we were doing.

 

Haven't heard from him since last weekend. However, he attended a Christmas party last night where some of my friends were. Apparently he was asking a lot about me and where I was. He even said something about remembering I had finals so maybe that's why I wasn't there (I was actually at another event).

 

So basically my question is, is he into me or into sleeping with me? And if so, why haven't I heard from him since that party a few weeks ago where he acted weird? Is it my turn to stop playing so hard to get and finally contact him (we have hung out about 6 times or so, he initiates each time and we don't text or anything in between seeing each other)? Any insight is appreciated!

 

 

The bit in bold... by having a ONS with him, ya may have given him the idea that you're looking for casual sex. Which is pretty much what he's been giving you.

 

I have a gut feeling you are one of many girls he's seeing & sleeping with.

 

I guess I could be totally wrong here, and this may about you NEVER, EVER contacting him..maybe he thinks you have no interest in him, which could be why he showed interest to your friends but NOT through contacting you.

[Cinderella7]

So do I contact him now? I don't know if what I want is anything serious with this guy but we do have a lot of fun together and it's better than spending every night alone.

 

I am fairly certain he's not seeing anyone else. We have a lot of mutual friends so I would probably have heard about it through the rumor mill. Also, he works around 70-80 hours a week so I don't think he has the free time to see multiple girls at once.

[Cinderella7]

6 dates usually ending with sex and starting with a ONS.

Thats playing hard to get?

 

Touché. Maybe hard to get is the wrong phrase. but I really did expect that the ONS would be the end of things. I have let him initiate eveything since then. Not sure what to call that.

 

Also, not sure if this changes things at all, but I know from

speaking to our friends that while he hooks up with girls fairly regularly, it is rare that he actually sees them more than once.

[Lish]

So do I contact him now? I don't know if what I want is anything serious with this guy but we do have a lot of fun together and it's better than spending every night alone.

 

I am fairly certain he's not seeing anyone else. We have a lot of mutual friends so I would probably have heard about it through the rumor mill. Also, he works around 70-80 hours a week so I don't think he has the free time to see multiple girls at once.

 

 

Try see this from his perspective? it may help..

 

- One night stand...great.

- dinner...great.

- he arranges.

- he arranges.

- he arranges.

...

...

...

- he doesn't arrange, you don't contact him. To him = blatant uninterest. Perhaps all you need to do is show him some back.

 

 

You don't need to arrange the date of the century - just maybe ask him how he's doing, what he's been upto....and go from there if he replies?

[boogieboy]

If all you want is casual, then theres no reason for you not to contact him. Call him up and get it started again.

[Cinderella7]

Try see this from his perspective? it may help..

 

- One night stand...great.

- dinner...great.

- he arranges.

- he arranges.

- he arranges.

...

...

...

- he doesn't arrange, you don't contact him. To him = blatant uninterest. Perhaps all you need to do is show him some back.

 

 

You don't need to arrange the date of the century - just maybe ask him how he's doing, what he's been upto....and go from there if he replies?

 

Very true. Didn't think of it like that. I think I might be taking my desire to communicate that I'm not clingy/crazy, & that I'm

independant and have my own life a bit far.

 

I wrap up my final exams on Tuesday. Maybe I'll call then to see if he wants to get together.

[Yukikazi]

If its a budding relationship it needs effort...

Your total lack of communication is a clear sign that you don't care enough to bother spending 2 seconds of your day to text "hi".. yea thats not hard to get.. thats just showing disinterest.

[BentSpine]

I think I might be taking my desire to communicate that I'm not clingy/crazy, & that I'm

independant and have my own life a bit far.

You're honest with yourself and that counts for something.

 

Now, enough of the credit. If you actually Were independent you by definition wouldn't care what others thought of you. You wouldn't need the acceptance of everyone. You wouldn't care if other people believe anything about you since you would be satisfied doing whatever you are doing, confident that the important people in your life will accept you despite of it. Right now you trying very hard to convince yourself and others that that you're this or that which makes you appear insecure at best, a little crazy at worst.

[Waitress]

Cinderella,

 

I think this is one of those instances where you're going to have to just talk to the guy. Nobody here knows what is going on in his head or how things really are.

 

He obviously thinks about you and maybe he's just as confused as you are.

 

Good communication is vital to the success of any relationship. It's normal to be a little awkward and sleeping together early on can create a false sense of intimacy.

 

Talk to the guy. K?

[harmfulsweetz]

Hm, maybe he wants a casual hook up or maybe he is sick of putting in all the effort? If I constantly texted a guy, arranged things, etc then I would eventually stop doing it. It's nice for the effort to be reciprocated.

 

It does sound like you're an FWB but I may be wrong there, text him, say hey, hows it going, you having a good christmas period? If he replies, invite him out. If he likes you, he'll go. If not, he won't.

[mushmush]

Time for you to put some effort in, if you want this to go any further.

 

First couple of dates I normally take the effort to initiate contact and plan things. After that if they dont initiate contact or put some effort in to plan a date I assume that they are not really interested and/or playing games.

 

Call him with a plan in mind i.e organise a date. Dont just text to say hi = lame effort which in my eyes shows little actual interest..

[sonicranger]

Also, not sure if this changes things at all, but I know from

speaking to our friends that while he hooks up with girls fairly regularly, it is rare that he actually sees them more than once.

 

Are you OK with this? What makes you think you're so damned special that you're all of a sudden going to change his "ways"? I don't say that in a mean spirited way, only in a realistic, think about it seriously way.

 

 

It could be that you respond when he wants it. It could be that he really does like you and wants to pursue something more serious. Thats what I'd find out first, if he really is wanting to date you and date you exclusively.

 

 

This is from a male perspective.

[Cinderella7]

Thanks for everyone's insight. I'm new to the dating thing (recently out of a long-term relationship that started when I was pretty young) and am still trying to figure out how it works.

 

I will probably call him tonight and see if he wants to get together sometime this week. I realize that if I want this to go anywhere (not sure if I do or where I want it to go, but that's another issue entirely) I have to a) start putting in some effort and b) communicate with him a little more about what we're doing here.

[cupidotheblogger]

I hate to be one of the bearers of bad news but it sounds like you're just one of the notches on his belt, he's probably dating other people. On a positive note, it does sound like he really enjoys your company if he's asking you out on dates, he could just say "hey, why don't you come over" especially since he knows where the night will end anyway. He spends just enough time with you to keep you around probably because he likes spending time with you and having sex with you as well. It doesn't sound like he's ready for anything serious and if he is, I would cut back on the ONS as that will get old very quickly if you keep that up.

[Cinderella7]

Update on the situation: So I called him yesterday evening and left a message saying hi and seeing if he was up for doing something this week. He called me back when he got off work and we made plans to hang out on Wednesday night. He sounded happy that I called, mentioned that he missed seeing me at the Christmas party this last weekend, and asked about finals were going. Keep in mind, this was the first time I've ever called him or invited him to do something, so it was kind of a big deal.

 

After hearing everyone's insight on the situation, I'm becoming a little afraid that I am just another notch on his belt and would really like to know where we stand or where he plans on this going. I'm not currently too attached or emotionally invested in the situation, but I know that if we keep hanging out and sleeping together, that will happen soon and I'd like to avoid getting hurt. Any suggestions on how to bring this up with him without sounding like I'm trying to make him commit to being my boyfriend ASAP (because while I enjoy his company, I'm not ready to make that call yet) or at the very least figure out what he wants out of this relationship?

[Lish]

Update on the situation: So I called him yesterday evening and left a message saying hi and seeing if he was up for doing something this week. He called me back when he got off work and we made plans to hang out on Wednesday night. He sounded happy that I called, mentioned that he missed seeing me at the Christmas party this last weekend, and asked about finals were going. Keep in mind, this was the first time I've ever called him or invited him to do something, so it was kind of a big deal.

 

After hearing everyone's insight on the situation, I'm becoming a little afraid that I am just another notch on his belt and would really like to know where we stand or where he plans on this going. I'm not currently too attached or emotionally invested in the situation, but I know that if we keep hanging out and sleeping together, that will happen soon and I'd like to avoid getting hurt. Any suggestions on how to bring this up with him without sounding like I'm trying to make him commit to being my boyfriend ASAP (because while I enjoy his company, I'm not ready to make that call yet) or at the very least figure out what he wants out of this relationship?

 

Unfortunately, you were a notch on his belt the second you slept with him.

 

Usually, it leads to just casual sex thereafter... but there are some exceptions. This could be one of them.

 

As you've already went head first in with the physical side, it's time to slow things down with the emotional side of things, and just take every date as it comes. I think asking him tomorrow might be a bad idea. Putting yourself in his shoes like I advised last time is always a good place to start. I think it worked the last time I did this, so I hope it's as much use

 

You meet. Sex.

He initiates contact.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

....

You FINALLY initiate contact for the FIRST TIME.

On this first date you set up, you're asking him what he wants with you.

 

 

Do you see where I'm going with this?

 

Baring in mind, of course, that it's going to be the first time you have seen each other in a few weeks, and that he's probably still reeling from the fact you contacted him, it's probably best to wait a while before the "where are we" chat.

Also, try to avoid *always* hanging out at your house or his, because it probably ends up in sex, or is giving him the impression that it always will.

 

The way to tell if this is just about sex for him, is if you suggest dinner or something like that, and see his reaction when you either don't invite him back, or just tell him no. If his reaction is friendly, polite and then he STILL wants to see you, then there's a chance you mean more and he enjoys your company and getting to know you. However if he gets pushy and 'goes off' you because you wont sleep with him again, then it's trouble.

 

Also, if you try this, you need to make sure he understands that while you're still interested in him, it doesn't HAVE to end in sex *every time*.

 

Sorry for the long winded answer

 

Keep us updated! Daily! ha.

[BentSpine]

Also, if you try this, you need to make sure he understands that while you're still interested in him, it doesn't HAVE to end in sex *every time*.

As a the odd replacement for sex, I would make love instead.

 

No really, I think you're getting terrible advice but that's only this man's opinion. If were in the situation that I believe that you were making up a test for me to pass, I would drop your game playing juvenile butt faster then you could spell 'ho'.

 

Look, no matter in what direction your relationship develops, you'll survive and see the sun shine again. As long as you have sex because you enjoy the sex, you got a payoff from the relationship.

[Lovelybird]

Why not have sex AFTER you are sure he loves you?

 

It sounds like lottery, I will have sex with him, if he likes me, then I win a lottery, if he doesn't like me, then I will just NEXT

 

And you just got out of long term relaitonship, it is not good idea you date right away, it is like you just want to fill a hole in your heart than really take interests in a man

[Lovelybird]

Because men can only fall in love AFTER the physical act of sex. How many marriage proposals do prostitutes get from Johns? (Lots). Something to do with brain chemicals and neuroreceptors. Sex is a necessary, but usually insufficient, condition for love.

 

Trying to determine whether a guy loves you before giving him sex is like waiting for a hungry man to feel not-hungry before giving him a meal... He'll go elsewhere, you stingy b***h.

you are very rude with the last line, where is your manner ?

 

And that is NOT true that men can only fall in love after the sex.

 

That is the point, you don't know the man are hungry for sex, or hungry for love. But either case, hunger is not good. hungry is not a good start for love, codependent maybe.

 

A man knows self-control and delayed satisfaction can make a good husband.

Sex isn't the shortcut to intimacy.

 

I think you just pictured a man who only after sex and self-centred, or only know intimacy through sex but shallow intimacy. If you really care about the woman as a person, that picture here don't fit into this

Edited December 20, 2009 by Lovelybird

[Lovelybird]

How do you know I don't have real world dating experience? You have been living with me all the time?

 

What's wrong with women should remain virgins until marriage, and die after a lifetime of love and dedication to the one man she slept with? I've seen many women do so in your part of world, yes, there are many of them, their sex life are really great ones, they integrate heart, mind and body into one rather than splited and barely know each other. Keep yourself to your husband, then after marriage, you want to buy a Sexual Handbook to learn to please your husband? go ahead, I think it's a good idea. but before marriage, holding back sex is wise.

Edited December 20, 2009 by Lovelybird

[xpaperxcutx]

Unfortunately, you were a notch on his belt the second you slept with him.

 

Usually, it leads to just casual sex thereafter... but there are some exceptions. This could be one of them.

 

As you've already went head first in with the physical side, it's time to slow things down with the emotional side of things, and just take every date as it comes. I think asking him tomorrow might be a bad idea. Putting yourself in his shoes like I advised last time is always a good place to start. I think it worked the last time I did this, so I hope it's as much use

 

You meet. Sex.

He initiates contact.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

....

You FINALLY initiate contact for the FIRST TIME.

On this first date you set up, you're asking him what he wants with you.

 

 

Do you see where I'm going with this?

 

Baring in mind, of course, that it's going to be the first time you have seen each other in a few weeks, and that he's probably still reeling from the fact you contacted him, it's probably best to wait a while before the "where are we" chat.

Also, try to avoid *always* hanging out at your house or his, because it probably ends up in sex, or is giving him the impression that it always will.

 

The way to tell if this is just about sex for him, is if you suggest dinner or something like that, and see his reaction when you either don't invite him back, or just tell him no. If his reaction is friendly, polite and then he STILL wants to see you, then there's a chance you mean more and he enjoys your company and getting to know you. However if he gets pushy and 'goes off' you because you wont sleep with him again, then it's trouble.

 

Also, if you try this, you need to make sure he understands that while you're still interested in him, it doesn't HAVE to end in sex *every time*.

 

Sorry for the long winded answer

 

Keep us updated! Daily! ha.

 

Cinderella, Lish wrote down everything that needed to be said. I would just like to emphasize that you always have the ability and the choice to just say " NO".

[Lish]

Lovelybird.. you again.

The girl isn't looking for your holy judgement and opinions on when sex should first be had, she's looking for advice on her situation now.

 

Don't even start with this, you know what happened last time, dear.